Hi

I have sons aged 7yrs and 19months.

Whilst my youngest son is well behaved and a pleasure to be with my other son is not.

I know this is really awful to think let alone say but I just don't know what i am going to do about my eldest sons behaviour.

Ever since he was a baby he has been difficult, always crying and never pacified whatever we have done. As a toddler he was much the same and it hasn't improved despite him now being 7.

He will not listen to what he is told and is seriously affecting family life. We can't go anywhere because the eldest son will more often than not have some sort of tantrum which means people will turn around and wonder what the hell we are doing letting a child his age act like this (it's made even worse that he is up to my shoulder height already so I really struggle to restrain him if he starts kicking out etc)

I never went to a doctor about his behaviour because he was always well behaved at nursery and then at school so assumed it was something we were doing wrong at home. However, recently there have been incidents at school that have concerned me. The worst being when he nipped his teacher and when the headmistress came to restrain him because he was having a shouting fit that disturbed the whole class he ran out and locked himself in the playground.

I took him to the GP last week and explained everything and the only thing he said was that it was food colourings. Now I am not stupid and one of the very first things I did with him as a toddler was cut them out of his diet to no avail. I explained this to the doctor but he just brushed my concerns off.

I really don't know what to do.....he isn't starved off time,love or affection. I am now a stay at home mum working just one day a week.

Even that one day a week is now going to havve to come to an end because the last of our relatives have refused to look after him. Every single relative that has looked after him while I'm at work has had enough and can't control him so have refused to have him again (that's on both sides of the family).

He is also on the SEN register at school because he is so far behind the class in his schoolwork. He has problems with his speech and has seen a therapist for this last year, although it's gone back to how it was now.

More often than not I am on my own with the kids as my husband works long long hours at work.

I really don't know what to do for the best and feel like I've failed. I see other children his age acting 'normally' and reading etc and look at my son who cannot concentrate at anything other than lego!

I'm sorry for such a long post but I simply don't know where to turn (I'm in tears now as I write this)

omg hun i could have wrote this, ds is 6 n omg dont listens, answers back wont do anything anything it involves xbox, he bullies his sister 16 months by taking toys away gets too lively knocks her over.

Supposed to go halloween party n tbh im rewarding bad bahaviour but if not he will be house again bored n be a pain.

i feel like all i do is shout at him n i hate it, feel like a failure too

big hugs n 6/7 boys are pains, im thinking of going to parenting classes i thought it must be me.

Me to I can sooo Relate to this my Boy is nearly 6 nd is sooo attention seeking but gets enough of everybody he puts such a strain on our relationship sometimes its so so hard I just feel like I am talking to a brick wall sometimes :( he has too much energy always bouncing off the walls. I always get nervous when taking him places incase he shows me up in front of people, I also feel like a failure. :(

I've never been on this forum before but saw your post from the messageboard & it sounded so sad i had to read

God love you you poor pet. I wonder did you hit the nail on the head with his speech/learning problems? it sounds like the poor guy is sooo frustrated he's letting loose his frustrations the only way he knows how.

I have absolutely no idea though how to approach it, do you have health nurses where you live? where we are we can speak to our community health nurses who can refer us onto paedetricians & the like rather than go through your GP who sounds no help at all.

One thing i can say from experience is consistency & no rewarding bad behaviour with attention i.e. shouting, screaming, warnings that you dont follow through on, these are like oxygen to a fire. Might sound ridiculous to some but we have used Supernanny Jo Frost method for some years now & it really works for our kids. They get their warning then its naughty step/corner time & yes even at 7 years old he has been timed out for 7 mins but so long ago i cannot remember (he's nearly 8). Bad behaviour must have consequences & those consequences HAVE to be followed through on EVERY time without fail or the system falls on its **** as kids soon get to know 'ah maybe she means it maybe she dont theres a chance i might get my way here so i'll keep going!' Its really really really hard work but really worth the reward at the end, you'll cry buckets of tears doing it with your own frustrations, you'll question yourself & you'll think many times this is a pile of poo, but then one day you'll notice that they actually listened to that warning cause they know you mean business!! Of course we lapse on it & they start kicking off again but luckily have been able to nip it in the bud.

rewardng good behaviour too is so important stars, tokens, whatever you choose a great big fuss kisses & hugs & an extra story for being good really works too.

Even after saying all that, that was our experience & none of our kids have any difficulty with their day to day lives, my heart goes out to you & your little man it must be terribly hard & upsetting to watch your boy behave like that, I really would check out the frustration thing, if there are no health nurses, I'd ask for him to be referred to a paedeatrician & if he refuses, then I'd think strongly about moving drs. theres something clearly needs fixing for all your sanity's. Could it be ADHD or something along those lines?

I wish you the very best of luck & please update if you can.

KJxx

[Modified by: katyjo on November 07, 2009 01:20 AM]