i was just wondering as i am desperate to have another baby and i know my husband wants one too, but he is petrified of anything going wrong again. OBVIOUSLY i am too, but i cant bear the thought of not trying whereas he almost doesnt want to take the risk. i know he will, i wouldn't ttc without him behind me 100% but just wondered if you and your partners were dealing with it differently too?
i
was visited by Af yesterday and instead of being in tears which i thought i would be as its another sign my Angel has gone, i was also pleased to know that meant i was one step closer to ttc! am i crazy!

i've always said i wanted 3 children but now i feel i want as many as i can physically have because its hammered it home even more just how precious they are and what a beautiful gift! (getting way ahead of myself here...........sorry!)

i totally understand how you feel,i was addament that i didnt want anymore children after i lost angel,it was so cruel to have her and know her for 5months and then wake up to find her gone.dosnt matter how you lose achild or at what age the fear is always there but me and my husband had so many chats and he was desperate to be a dad and who am i to take it away from him so we ttc.he is getting more scared as the due date approaches but i guess you just have to do what you gotta do.if anything it makes you more causious.im blabbering now just nice to have someone to talk to.love emma x

thank you, and yes it is wonderful to have someone to talk to, this was always something i've always thought was awful but never thought it would happen to me (as you do!) i was neurotic through pregnancy but put it down to natural 'neuroticness' but this pain i wouldn't wish on anyone, and to actually go through it is hell, i can only imagine that it is that much harder having held your Angel for those 5 months too. i am so, so sorry.
i think before you have children you take the whole concept for granted and then when you have one you wonder why no-one told you of the unimagineable fear that you wouldn't be there to look after them tomorrow or that they wouldn't be there with you... and now in pregnancy too the harsh reality has set in.
You are so close to holding your little one now and i dont know (yet) what it is like to be pregnant after losing a child and so wouldn't know what good advice to give but i wish you all the best x

i dont thik it matters how you lose a child,like you say the pain is soso bad,its still early days for you and if i can help in any way i will.i dont know about yoy but i find nite times the hardest my husband works shift work and is offten away at night and i spend my time going through angels stuff,just wanting to be close to her.i wish you all the best and thankyou for replying to me.i think you are really brave to talk about it so early on.its been nearly 3years sinse angel died and im only just opening up.godbless.love emma x

LOL he wants the s@x!!!

Sorry to lower the tone. But it is a mixture of fear, joy, worry, excitement.... and thats for both of us.

Its so different to the 1st time round isn't it? I know I will be neurotic during my next pregnancy and I will prob be annoying the hosp sooo much to check that there isn't a heart problem. This is OH's biggest fear but I said we know it wasn't genetic... as I said to my best friend tonight I just wish I could wave a magic wand... to be pregnant, then fast forward to have the baby in my arms.

For me I wanted to be preg soon, even before Charlie died because I never got the normal birth experience or after birth. I didn't get to BF him either cos he didn't take to the breast all the little things people take for granted I never got. Thats what I wanted before he died and now I want it but I am scared.

xxx

lol, well i guess that's one selling point!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm writing so much tonight!
i think i'm on here so early as i've found this site to be an absolute lifeline to me as my son zachariah (22mths) was born visually impaired (originally thought blind) so i'd hung out in the children with special needs forum and born in dates, the moment i found out something was wrong this time i thought here would be the place to find someone to help and understand, and thank God there was!
Yes i'd actually already thought when Angel is born we'll keep going as your meant to be your most fertile after having a baby, so i guess whether Angel had survived or not my 'want' was there. i know my story is totally different from yours but i didn't really get a 'normal' birth with Zachariah either and i never got to bf him because of all his other problems, i expressed but was actually looking forward to having Angel and trying again and knowing what it was like to have your baby look at you and smile etc, things i missed in zachariah but don't get me wrong i wouldn't change him for the world...i guess i'm just trying to say these things are never a 'given'
in fact having the pain of losing Angel has hammered home how lucky we were for zachariah to be with us (he was stuck, 3.5hrs pushing, umblical cord cutting off circulation from legs, vertex, no intervention and resuscitated)

i don't know there's a set time i feel extra low but definitely when i'm left alone with my own thoughts, my husband works long hours and although out at night sometimes it's not much now, he used to be a chef however with stupid hour shifts so i know from experience nights can be hard going with no problems and soaps become appealing but hope you find this site helps some!

He really wants to start trying again. It has been a little over a year since our miscarriage and I am still contemplating on whether I want to try again or not. I told him we can TTC in Dec/Jan and he agreed but he is so desperate about having a baby!