It's been just over 5 weeks now and aside from still feeling like an emotional wreck I also still feel pregnant. I'm feeling 'kicks' which presumably is my uterus contracting and I still have that stomach feeling like I'm holding something precious. It's killing me and I've even felt like going out and getting a pregnancy test which is CRAZY as I can't possibly be pregnant! How long is this feeling likely to go on for?
Also what kind of after care did any of you get? I've had nothing, my consultant appt will be around the 8week mark and the only bereavment advisor I got was based on talk about autopsy and funeral arrangements! Is it right I'm just expected to deal with this on my own? I'm feeling really alone with this and noone I know aside from my mum comes close to understanding it's all 'don't worry you'll forget and get pregnant again' I will never forget and even if I'm safe to get pregnant again it took 3yrs for my son and 18mths for angel - nothing about having a baby is as easy as clicking my fingers!!!!!!! Aaaarrrggh - sorry this has turned into a bit of a scream I'm just feeling so alone with all of this and misunderstood by thoughtless people! ......sorry

Hi hon,
I don't have any advice for you but I just wanted to tell you that my heart goes out to you and sending you hugs and support. xxx

Ah hun i'm so sorry u havent had any surport , u should be having lots my midwife only stopped seeing me a week ago , they should be looking in on you to see how you are,
have you been to see your gp , i went twice and had a chat to him mand a good cry ,
and i emailed sands a few times , but if i'm honest its here i find the most comfort ,

womens bodys are very complex things i think you still feel pregnant because thats what your body was doing and still feels like it should be , my milk kept leaking if i heard a baby cry , , its very early days hun and it will get better each day ( cant belive i said that didint think it could happen ) but nearly 9 wks on i have better days that i did 5 wks ago , you never get over angel and people will never understand your grief they cant .
ignorance is bliss chick , but let these people stand in our shoes for just one day then they will understand , take care hunni always here for a chat if you need to rant thats fine love vicki xxx

Hi hun,
I would recommend you get in touch with these people http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/ it is a charity that provides supposrt to bereaved people. A friend recommended it to my brother and I when we lost our Dad in July. It looks like there are a lot of local branches so hopefully there is one close to you.
I think it is shocking you haven't had more support from your GP/midwife or HV. How on earth are you expected to cope with something like this without professional support.
I hope your pregnancy symptoms stop soon, I can't imagine how you are dealing with all this you are so amazing. Big hugs xxxxx

Thank you all. You're probably right vicki, my body was pregnant and I so want to still be pregnant I guess it's not helping much. Thankfully my milks dried up now but lasted a few weeks and I too felt the knife twisting with a babys cry, so I guess if that's stopped this will too eventually! I actually wasn't even told my milk would come in, I just asked as an afterthought when leaving the hospital!!!!!!!!!! 
I saw the beareavment advisor on the Monday (had Angel on Saturday) to discuss funeral and autopsy arrangements and then nothing .... After 2 weeks I organised to see my gp and that was hell as I'd unkowingly picked 'midwife morning' so a lot of pregnant woman and newborns. Not been back since and had noone checking up on me. Even had to chase my consultant up about the '6' week appt! So feeling really frustrated with the whole thing. It also makes me question whether I'd had enough care in pregnancy too! 
It's so hard and painful and very lonely. I feel so bad about my son zachariah too (22months) as he's really not doing much atm, I couldn't cope with going to his kiddy groups and just don't want to go out the house at all, I'm trying to get on with things and have kept all his appts (he's visually impaired and delayed) but resent their intrusion and not really taking all the information in at all! I think I read your other 2 children are older, have you managed to get things back to 'normal' for them yet? 
I'm so glad you are beginning to feel less pain but know myself there's a thin line between the two, I burst into tears yesterday because my husband complained about my choice of dinner prepared! Poor man felt terrible and we both knew it had nothing to do with the bloody cottage pie! 
I've also been hurt some people close to me haven't even said anything to me as if it would remind me or something stupid like that! Did you have this? Did you say anything or just let it pass? 
Rambled now so will stop but thank you

I will look at this website too liz thanks. I hope that you and your family are doing well, I'd imagine your father is still playing heavily on your minds x  

Hi,
I know how you're feeling, my little boy Ewan was stillborn on the 19th Sep 09 at 27 weeks. It's the most heartbreaking feeling in the world and no-one knows the pain you are going through.

I can't give you any advice as i'm still coping with my own loss, but i've tried to get back to normal. I started back at work this Monday and it has really helped having that normality back in my life. I ran into my first pregnant colleague this morning and suprisingly i was ok and felt happy for her for still being pregnant, I even found myself telling her to make sure she brings her little boy in to work once he's born. I work in a college where at least 4 other women are due in the weeks that Ewan was due, there are 16 pregnant women here at the moment.

Is it possible that you could be suffering with post natal depression, just because your baby didn't survive it doesn't mean that your hormones won't be all over the place. You should see your doctor again because you need some support.

If you want to chat feel free to e-mail me, like I said I can't offer advice but it's as fresh in my mind as it is in yours and it may help chatting to someone who's feeling the same pain.

Jackie xx

Thank you Jackie, i would love to chat to you but your email is not enabled - if you would like to email through my email button though please do.(you'll need to be logged in to see it)

i am so so sorry for your loss and your beautiful Ewan, Angel was stillborn on 12th sep so there's not much between us, although she was born at 20weeks so i imagine it has made it that much harder for you.
i don't know how you're managing to cope with 16 pregnant woman in your office and think you are doing amazingly. My closest friend is due a couple of weeks after i shouldve been and aside from the odd text, i am petrified to meet up with her....we were doing all the shopping and laughing together and now its gone! i know in time i'll get over it and thinking about ttc again is strangely making it more bearable (and not at the same time!) it's like i'm living in 2 different worlds, the one where it happened and the one where it didn't! - does that make sense?
i dont think i have pnd, i THINK i'm just grieving but i suppose if i havent sorted myself out by the time i finally get to see the consultant i will speak to her about it. thank you

i really hope that you are finding the days easier and we chat soon, take care x

soo sorry hun for pain.i posted something like this in mc/ectopic.the body is a real trickster.on monday last i had to deliver a little perfecly formed wee girl.very small but obviously a wee bit further on than we thought.itl take time to heal but i found having her named and baptised and a blessing really helped me.i had a rough time but i know ill heal and shel never be forgotten.say what you like about the older generation my inlaws and parents acknowledged this wee angel and shel be buried in a little angels plot with other wee ones.its a graveyard with no plots but a marble statue in the middle and beautifully kept.the thinking being was the babies so pure they belong with each other.antway know im rambling a bit but it is important for healing to talk about your wee ones.hope you feel better soonxxxxxx