I have been on here about a month now but have never really told my story of my baby boy charlie and today for some reason i want to tell u about it here goes .
I found out i was pregnant with charlie on the 14th dec 08 i was really happy and a little scared , i had 2 boys max was 12 and archie 6 and i worked fulltime my husband was very happy and we told the boys right away they too was very happy ,
it was quite a stressful pregnancy as my job as a hairdresser was very demanding also had fulltime job at home i live with 3 males so they dont tend to help much !!! so i rushed around alot ( as i'm sure most mums do ) my boss wasnt very surportive and put a lot of pressure on me ! i finished work early due to carpol tunnel syndrome and then had 8 wks to rest and get ready for my little man ,
my midwife segested that i had a home birth as my 2 oter births were really good , so i thought why not !!
i was so organised had everything ready .
then the weekend he was due my mum and dad came to stay to help with the boys we had a lovely wkend then sat night 3;30 am i went into labour
the pains was coming thick and fast and i remember thinking this is going to be quick the midwife came and i wanted to push , i was in a lot of pain but was only 3 cm dilateted and i was still pushing , this i new wasnt right his heart beat was going too so we went by ambulance to hospital where i was rushed to theatre it was caos i remmember looking at my husband while all the dr's was rushing around shouting to each other and i new are baby boy had died .
my husbands face then will stay with me forever all i could see was fright in his eyes for me and his unborn son , i was then put to sleep.......
when i woke alex (OH) was sat beside me and told me that our baby had died i was broken , he then had to go home and tell our dear boys thta there brother had died our life had changed forever in 3 hours thats all it took !!!!
we spent 27 hours with our little angel the boys held him and kissed him my mum and myself washed charlie and dressed him and wrapped him in his shawl he looked so perfect those days i didnt think i'd ever leave that room but ehen we new it was time to let charlie go we new it was time to go home .
before we went they took a peice of charlies skin to check his cromozones and i asked them to change his clothes and blanket so i could have them with me , i sleep with them every night and still can smell him on there
going home was so hard i should of had stuff every where and smell of baby sick and been so happy but i had an empty blanket empty heart and was planning my babys funeral i went over and over in my mind WHY WHY WHY still do now evrey day
i felt i wanted to curl up and die but i still had to be a mum to my 2 boys , they needed there mum .
but it was so hard all i did was long for my baby and cry , archie stayed away from me i think he was protecting himself a little as he's only 7 and didnt really understand , but now he's fine with me always checking i'm ok and when he kisses me goodnight he says a smell like charlie which is so lovely , max doesnt say much but visits charlies grave a lot we know he's been as he always puts things around the grave he's a good boy .
I have to just say about my husband alex who'm ive been with since i was 13 (33now) he has been the most amazing man he has been my rock has done things for me that i thought he never had to do and has had to go threw just as much as me he is my soul mate and i will love him forver ,
Well thats my story sorry it was long i could write more but think i'll leave it there xx
8 wks and 1 day since u was taken love u forver charlie miss u so much xxxx
