I've had a missed mc at 7 weeks recently and went to hospital at end of Sept to have a D&C which went ok.

I haven't posted on here until now because I've had a missed mc once before, and I thought it wouldn't affect me so much this time. I had a mmc at nearly 12 weeks with my first pg in April 2007 and it was totally devastating. But I quickly became pg with our gorgeous son who is 19 months now.

I figured I was ok this time because:
1) we have a happy little toddler who keeps us smiling
2) I found out much earlier this time that it had gone wrong
3) I've been through this once before so it wasn't such a shock.

BUT.....

It's not that easy. My husband won't talk about things and just wants to "get on with life". I'm feeling more and more angry and pxxxed off that this has happened twice and our relationship is really suffering. We went away for a romantic night in a lovely hotel to celebrate our wedding anniversary on Thur and ended up arguing.

I know SO many people who are pg at the mo which is really not helping matters either. None of them have had mcs and I just feel that I've had someone elses mc this time. I feel that we're healthy people and that this shouldn't have happened twice to us.

I just wanted to offload anyway and would greatly appreciate any tips on how we can get our relationship back on track. I think I might go for counselling again which I found helpful last time.

J x

If counselling helped last time I def think you should go again. And this might sound a bit weird and maybe it's just me, but I think do things that make you cry (I see you read Laujai's poem already!). I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself, trying to cope 'better' than last time. I've only had one MC but i think I'd be even more upset if it happened again, because I'd feel so angry that nature had stolen another baby from me. If you bottle things up it'll just be worse in the end when your coping all collapses.

I find I need to let out all the despair. Looking at any things you'd bought for the pg, and hosp appts, and things in your diary. Trying to accept it's all gone. I also have always written in a diary when horrible things have happened to me in the past. It helps you face how you're feeling, and when you look back on it months later, even if you're still sad, it helps you see how much better you're getting.

These are just things that've helped me in the past. and everyone's very different with how they get through things like this. I hope that is some help to you. and that you know you're not alone at struggling to get through the time after MC, we all just have to muddle through together, and help each other.

Gems
xx

Jo I'm so sorry for you loss and am sad to see that you and hubby are having problems.

After my 2nd MC in early Sept I felt that my DH wasn't really bothered. Initially when I was Still going throught the MC he was upset then he seemed to snap out of it very quickly and even kept suggesting we go and visit people's new babies. However when he found out his sister was pregnant things came to a head for us it caused an argument but did help us clear the air. He said that it was only then that the losses became real to him and he got upset all over again.

Perhaps your husband isn't dealing as well as you think he is and is just throwing himself into getting on with life to cope with the loss. He's also maybe wanting to make sure it doesn't affect your LO too much.

As gemgems says it sounds like you're putting pressure on yourself to feel ok or at least not as affected as after your 1st MC. Although the loss was earlier this time it's just as real and you should take time for yourself. The counselling sounds like a good idea especially as it's helped you before.

I hope you and your DH manage to discuss things and get back on track xx

Thanks for your replies Gems and DM. It's such a relief to hear from people who genuinely understand the grief that we're going through. I can just hear in your words that you both get it completely.

DH and I finally had a proper chat last night and he confessed that he thinks he was probably just trying to get on with life because he didn't want it to upset us as much as it did last time. I think it's definitely all come to a head for me at the mo. I have splitting headaches and slept dreadfully last night. My head and neck are so tense I've had to call in sick, but work are really good.

I don't think we consciously just tried to get on with things without getting upset. I think it's just a defence mechanism as I know how hard it was last time.

I did ring up the counselling service yesterday and they should be in touch over the next couple of days. Because it's through work I shouldn't face a long wait which is brilliant.

Hope you guys are doing ok and thanks again for the post.

Jo x

Hi hun

Im a bit late in replying, sorry. Glad to see that you have had a chat with your dh & have made the call about the counselling. Good luck hun, hope it helps xxxx

nice to hear you had a talk with DH.

how are the headaches, have you managed to get some rest today?
Gxx

Jo I'm really glad you and Hubby had a good chat. Hope you hear from the counselling service soon xx

Hi Laujai, Gems and DM,

Sorry for my disappearance. I'm not logging on loads at the mo but we've had an eventful week too.

My DS had suspected swine flu! It was vcery scary for a day or two because he was completely boiling. Then I had a stomach bug and was violently sick for 12 hours. Thank god we're all on the mend now.

I start counselling on Friday but the counsellor is a bloke! I'm a bit weirded out by that but I'm going to keep an open mind and see how it goes.

Hope you're all doing ok. My AF came back yesterday (5 weeks after D&C). We're going to wait another month before TTC. I felt quite low end of last week but I've been a lot more positive last 2 days which is good.

Hope you're all ok x x x

are you and the little man ok now? Glad you're feeling a bit better, it's ncie to know your body is getting back to normal isn't it? You must be feeling pretty exhausted with all that's been happening. Hope it all settles down for you. Are you a reg 28days kinda girl? any idea when next AF will be for you to ttc again?
(I ov'd at weekend, in the dreaded 2ww wait, after firts AF since MC)
Gems
xx

Sorry to hear about your DS hope he's fighting fit again now. It's good to hear you're feeling a bit better now and the counselling is coming closeer.

How are you and hubby getting on?
xxx

Yeah pretty good thanks. SO much better than we were. We're both tired and we don't get that much quality time together coz he works shifts. But fine apart from that.

TBH, I've been TOTALLY off sex since the mmc. We did it on Sunday night before my AF arrived and it was actually nice. I've been really terrified of doing it recently for some strange reason. Very weird. How about you and OH?

J x