Hi Girlies,

Seeing the newborn hit me really hard, harder than even I had anticipated (and i had been expecting it to hurt like hell!), and I had been going to try to not think about it for a while, but then i couldn't help logging on to check on all you lovelies and...well, how could I stay away from you lot?! :) You are all so kind and thoughtful, it really is a nice 'feeling' on this board. I will be so ecstatic for each of you when you get your bfps!!!

TBD - any sign of OV? Hope you are getting some serious bd'ing done! Hope you are feeling positive about your appointment this week, it really is a big step on the way to having your lo in your arms next year! I do hope you have nice consultants and Drs to help you along the journey. I hope that it is as straightforward as possible, with all your tests having come back clear. Unless of course you get your bfp from this OV, which would be wonderful!

Rachie - How are you feeling now? How is the Knicker-watch going? Would you normally expect AF in the am or does she appear later on in the day if she is coming? I really hope she gives you a wide berth and decides to hang out somewhere else for the next nine months...i will have my fingers crossed for you as always!!! I am happy to act as a diversion for her if I can! Send her my way:)

Sarah - so interesting hearing your story about being a clomid baby yourself. It does obviously fill me with renewed hope, although of course I can see your dilemma with your mum thinking that because it worked for her, there is an automatic assumption it will work for you too. While it is lovely having family members being positive and saying 'it will happen', i too have occasionally wanted someone to just acknowledge the possibility it might not...but then if they actually did it would probably not be what i wanted to hear anyway!!! :) Anyway that said I cant be the one to acknowledge the possibility of it not happening for you, because I really have a good feeling for you this month - i think November will be lucky for you!!! My gut feelings are often right and i really hope they are on the money this time. Sounds like your acupuncturist really knows her stuff, and its great that you are getting all the extra help to prepare your body for pregnancy. I hope the side effects this month are reasonably mild...and that two lovely little follicles are on their way to being released:)
Interesting that you say its more pregnant women than babies that upset you...for me it is both! Because the babies are just so perfect and lovely - it just makes my heart ache to think that might never be me holding my own....agh i still cant talk about it without welling up.

Sparkly - Like the others have said, clomid can make you OV late, so dont give up hope yet! Looby is a great example of this, and look at where she is now:) If you are having ewcm it sounds like a positive sign to me, and the other pains you had could have just been your ovaries 'warming up' so to speak...I will have everything crossed for you that you still ov this month and are in for a chance!

In case it isn't obvious from my despondant tone, my AF is still AWOL with no signs of turning up, ever. So depressing and I find myself being sucked into a really dark place. Jan seems so far away and even though i know i am lucky with my DH and other things to look forward to between now and then, I just cant help but have this deep feeling that it will never ever happen to me. I just get that feeling you know, and it won't budge. I can't ever imagine being pregnant or being blessed with a LO of my own...I am constantly reduced to tears and i worry how I will cope if my worst fears are realised. I think I would have to leave my DH so he would have a chance to have babies with someone else, and that breaks my heart into a million little pieces. I love him so much and he is my soulmate, but how can I put him through a childless future just because of my dicky body? Anyway sorry I really should keep my depressing thoughts away from you lovelies who for the most part have quite healthy doses of PMA flying about! Sorry!

Best of luck to all,
x

Sanguine, I was just thinking about you. I am sending you a huge cyber hug.... I hope you get it as I am squeezing really tight!!! You are not a failure, you should not be apologising, your future will have children in them I just know it. Unfortunately this route is a longer one than we all wanted but YOU WILL GET THERE!!!! Repeat after me.... YOU WILL GET THERE!!!!!
You are not on clomid are you??? If not why don't you try Angus Catus, it is supposed to be really good at regulating a cycle??? It may be worth a shot?? ******HUGS************
Sparkly... sending you another hug as well, I hope you are OK, as the girls have said don't give you up, I have hopes that you are just OV'ing late.
Sarah... That is such an inspiriational story. Lovely to hear that you are a clomid baby too. Completely understand the assumption with regard to your mum just assuming it will work now for you, when unfortunately life does nto plan that way. However I have high hopes that it will just work for you - it is in the genes to work for you!
Your acupuncturist sounds fab :) I suffered really bad hormonally on clomid and also suffered with flushes really badly and you will find acupuncture will help out with that.
OK... operation Knickerwatch is going OK... still no sign. It is hard to disguinish a time she arrives as my AF use to always come in the morning however the last two months it has decided to come in the afternoon. I am a nervous wreck!!! I just want to know! I don't expect it to have worked, but the longer it stays away the more I start wondering and it is this wondering period that is driving me up the wall. If it comes least I can book in for my IVF appt, but I can't even do that whilst it stays away. I think everyone at work thinks I have a bladder problem as I am going to the toilet every half an hour... I know this will be far too much TMI but I even imagining myself feeling "a drip" so I rush to the toilet thinking something will be there and nothing is.... I need to get admitted!!!!
xxxx

[Modified by: RachieS on October 20, 2009 02:07 PM]

Hey ladies,

Sarah - What a lovely story about your mum - gives us all a bit of hope I think. But I too can totally appreciate your need to consider the possibility that maybe it won't work. Although the chances are it will, for some people it never does, and they have to look at other options. This thought is the scariest imagineable thing for me to think about and right now I am just trying to take things one step at a time. But you have to do what is right for you. I think it is human nature for people to look at the positives for others...especially those who care about you....as they probably wouldn't want to entertain the idea that you may not have children and I am sure genuinely believe this to be the case. It is very positive that you feel you would be able to cope with it though sweetie, and I know you said you have talked to you DH about adoption etc. I am SURE it won't come to that though honey, having said all of that!! Hope AF leaves you alone soon.

Sanguine - bless you. What an absolutely lovely message. Really sorry to hear how tough you found seeing the newborn. To be honest, I do find both pg and babies really hard to be around, but pg women worse becuase that is the position I desperately want to be in right now. I completely know what you mean about that feeling around a tiny baby....I just love EVERYTHING about them. And it makes my heart break into tiny pieces that I may never get to experience that. Honey it is really understandable that you are feeling so low at the moment, you have been through such a lot. Please don't apologise for coming on here and telling us how you're feeling....we're all here to support one another, and you have been hugely positive and supportive in the past and even now when you are struggling so mcuh. Is there anything at all you can do that may help to cheer you up, even if just temporarily? I really think that once you are out of this limbo you will feel a little better, becuase at least you will be able to do something active towards TTC. I just hope that time is not far off. And I agree with Rachie...you WILL get that feeling of holding your own LO in your arms honey. You WILL you WILL you WILL. I know what you mean about your husband, I think the same and as far as we know I'm not even the one with the problem! But, from what you have said that is the absolute last thing that either you or your hubbie would want....you are trying for a baby because of the love that is between you and that will not change just because you are taking longer than expected to conceive. Big hugs sweetie.

Rachie - ooohhhh I am getting my hopes up for you too. It's impossible not to when there's no AF. In a way I don't think it's a bad thing, I love those few days when I really believe I COULD be and I treat my bosy as though I am. OMG I cannot even explain how happy I would be to see a BFP post tomorrow! But, if that is not to be honey then it is so good that you have a plan to book an IVF appt....either way you're one big step closer to holding that baby in your arms sweetie. Hope you're not getting too stressed with knicker-watch. Any signs of anything either way? I know what you mean about imagining dripping...I do that too. He he about the weak bladder thing!! Hon EVERYTHING crossed for you.

Mrs Hopeful - if you're out there....hope you're doing ok honey? Hoping no news is good news!

Thanks all for your reassurance and lovely comments. Well I think I ov'ed either yesterday or Sunday. we BD'ed with preseed on Fri, Sat, Sun, and Mon!!!!! Woo hoo. That's our best effort since we started trying I think. Not getting my hopes up but am just so glad we gave it a good shot before IVF. Although last night was so unromantic...hubbie didn't want me too close to him as I was 'like a furness' apparently and neither of us really enjoyed it! Not the way I'd hope to conceive our child really, but hey not surprising that we're not in the mood under the curcumstances really. I saw GP today....hep b hep c and hiv are all clear. FSH was 6 which is fine. So all ok there. My GP really upset me by giving me a lecture about my thinking patterns being faulty and that it is unhealthy that we don't want to tell anyone at work or anyone else for that matter about IVF. I can see his point but it really p***ed me off. I'm assuming he's never been in this position by the way he spoke about it ('just relax' crap) so I just don't see how he can be so opinionated when he has NO CLUE what this feels like. But he's not my regular GP so won't be seeing him again. My usual one is lovely (and female!). Am looking forward to appt on Thurs...but worrying we won't be allowed IVF for some reason or won't be able to start for a long time. Time will tell.... Other than that am feeling very positive really. xxxxxxx

ps Sarah, we looked online at sexy uniforms!!! I may be purchasing some new items for my collection!!!

Hey girlies!

Well it was great this morning to log-on and catch up with you all, especially you Sanguine as I was starting to get a little worried about you. I'm sending you a big hug as I totally know how you feel, I was just like that last month when my AF decided to go AWOL and there was no explanation for it. I actually felt better than I had felt in a long time so it was soooo annoying that she chose then to disappear. Like you, I had never had dreams about being pg or having a baby of my own and I started to believe it wouldn't happen for me. But then I did have a dream and there were two girls in it with bikes about 6 or 7 and I knew they were mine (must be where my clomid twins idea has come from!). It made me feel so good inside and even though it was just a dream I know I will be a parent whatever road I end up on as DH and I want it so badly. And you will be too. Don't even think about things like leaving your DH as he would be very upset to know you thought that I'm sure. He loves you for who you are and when you look at all the relationships that go wrong in this world you have to know that when you find your soulmate you have to hang onto them. I have been with a few losers before my DH and now I would never let him go. He's stuck with me whether he likes it or not!! But I know how you feel about it being your body that's not working. My DH is very close to his family and I worried that he would not be happy about adopting if we couldn't have a child naturally and I feel that is my fault if we can't. But he is totally on board with adoption and I'm so happy that we both want to be parents whatever the outcome. But at the moment I am just feeling positive that the clomid will work and you should too. Is there any reason why you set January as your cut off point? I went to the doc and started the clomid straight away and had AF a week later. The doc said that was a sign it was working, although I guess I don't know if AF would have shown up anyway. But if you don't want to wait till January I would go back sooner. Best of luck sweetie, and don't lose hope. Clomid has so many success stories including me!! Thank you for your positive feelings towards me as well. I really hope November is lucky for me and it would be the bestest birthday present I could ever ever ask for but I have 6 months of clomid to try so I am not going to pin too much hope on just this month else I'll go crazy!!

Rache, any sign? I was going to do a FAO for you this morning but I didn't want to make a big deal out of it if you are trying to play it low key. I really hope she's gone and for the next 9 months! Keep us posted sweetie and big hugs. I'm keeping everything crossed!!

Oh no! BE submitted my reply before I was ready to finish! Maybe there's a word limit!! I do notice that I tend to waffle a lot on here but that is me all over. Why use one word when 15 will do?!! Anyhow, Rache, I really, really hope this is good news for you. You totally deserve it and you have been so supporting of me since I came on LTTTC. Then you can go onto pg and keep some seats warm for the rest of us!!

TBD, great news about OV and getting the deed done even if not in the most romantic way! Hey, sometimes it just has to be about the BDing! I am going to crack out some of the uniforms though for our weekend away this month as it falls on CD14-16 so fingers crossed it will be lucky for us, although I know clomid can make people OV late so it's lots of BDing this month. I am going to be exhausted!! Don't worry about your GP either, I think you are handling this brilliantly with such courage and strength and you have to do things in your own way. I have to say I have told my Mum and a couple of close friends about our problems with ttc and I would probably tell the same people if we did go for IVF. I think you have been reading LDOMs blog too and she has great support from the whole of her family. I don't think my family would be as good in terms of my brothers and sisters. My sisters already have 3 children between them and they know we have been ttc for a long time now but they never ask about it or want me to talk about. I think they don't know what to say as they found it so easy to have their children. But I think I would need someone to talk about it with. So do you have one close friend that you can trust? If not, you have all the lovely ladies here on BE so it's not that you will be alone in being able to sound out your thoughts and feelings, it's just that we won't be there to physically hug you or comfort you. Feel free to email me though at any time and I am happy to swap mobile numbers too if you would like someone you can call or text. But I think you should do whatever you are happy with. Having said that, this could all be hypothetical with all the BDing around OV time!! I really, really hope this month is lucky for you too. That would just be super fantastic and I think I would actually need to 'whoop!' out loud in the office!! Let's hope you & Rache get to move onto pg together and hopefully Sanguine & I won't be far behind!!

Right, best get on and do some work but keep us posted Rache. I have such butterflies in my tummy for you, but also a real positive feeling. Let's hope the power of positive thinking performs some magic!

Big hugs,

S xx

Morning all,
I am going to have to do a really quick post as I don't have time to post properly but I wanted to give you an update.
AF is no where in sight, HOWEVER I did a CBD and it was a BFN.... so I am just waiting until it arrives .... I wish she would rear her ugly head, I kind of thought when she never came this morning there was a possibility but when the words "not pregnant" appeared reality struck again!
Anyway...
TBD I am sorry the doc made you feel like that, I do agree it may be best to tell someone close to you about your IVF treatment? Just for you sanity? Or do you feel uncomfortable about telling someone?I am so pleased the results were clear though :) I am pleased to hear you OV'd :) And got plenty of Bd'ing in! I hope your appt on thursday goes well... although with the pre-seed and Bd'ing you may not be needing it :)
Sanguine... how are you today sweetie???
Sarah... how are you hun?
Thank you all for your support... I just now wish AF would show up today to put me out of my damn misery, as I am still on knicker watch. I have rung my nurse to let her know and I am just waiting for her to ring me back as she was with a patient so I should have a IVF appt booked shortly.
XXXX

Just sent you an email Rache before I saw this. Sorry it was a BFN hun, I know how much they hurt. Good to hear you are being proactive with organising the IVF consultation though - onwards and upwards. I hope the witch doesn't give you too much of the run around now. I don't want to give you false hope but I did think CBDs weren't that great at detecting low levels of HCG? It might not hurt to test again in maybe a couple of days if AF still hasn't made an appearance.

Big hugs. Don't forget the plan for 2010 when you feel low on PMA. We WILL get there and next year WILL be the year of the babies.

S xx

Hey Sarah,

I didn't realise that CBD was not the best.... i may go and hit tescos shortly!

I spoke to the nurse and she was surprised my AF has not appeared, she wouldn't book me in for IVF yet, she said to re test on friday if AF has not come and to ring her again either way.

I am now back to hoping...

I don't have any major AF signs as the majority of them come right when she does, my boobs are really sore, and I have had a massive spot out break. If she is going to come I just want her to come now, the mind games are not nice!!!

Hope everyone is having a nice day, the weather is so yucky here...

xxx

Oh my goodness Rachie this is starting to sound really really positive (sore boobs hey???). I agree my first thought when you said CBD is that they are the least senstive brand. I think FR and supermarket own brands (e.g., Asda, superdrug, tesco) are all pretty good though (from my vast experience of NEVER having seen a BFP!!). Wow I am really hoping this is it and that egg has managed to somersult to the other tube! Can't wait for an update. Although hope you manage to hold off until tomorrow for FMU. And honey if it's not to be then you have the IVF appt to book in so I hope you're managing to keep your spirits up sweetie.

Sarah - he he that made me laugh with having to start a new post!! You don't waffle though, you are just very sweet and supportive. I can see your point about telling someone. I am really torn as I know that others have found it supportive. My concern is that some people may not support what we are doing (i.e., saying things like 'just wait' ;you're still young' 'why do you need to put yourself through this so soon' 'you can't afford this' blah blah) and some people will enjoy gossiping about us (even though they will also be v concerned and supportive). I hate the idea of people knowing without me knowing they know. And I cannot 100% trust the people around me family-wise to keep it to themselves (allbeit due to concern rather than in a nasty way). I guess i could think about telling one close friend, but I just find that I prefer to have normal conversations with them about things totally unrelated to TTC whereas if they know maybe they will treat me differently. We're also concerned about people calling our baby (see PMA?!) a 'test tube baby' and treating them differently although realistically I'm sure this won't be the case. I'm not sure. We may change our minds.... Thanks for the offer to exchange numbers though hon, that is so sweet....I will get around to emailing you one of these day. So how are you doing apart from planning your sexy outfits for ov??!!

Sanguine - big hugs sweetie. sarah has put it all so well that I cannot add to it really. But am thinking of you.

So, a question about EWCM....I was sure I'd ov'ed but now this morning I got (TMI) a big globby white EWCM when going for a no2. Not sure if I actually haven't ov'ed, if this is just residue left over, or if when it goes white and thicker it means I've already ov'ed?????? I've never been clear on this but still feel sure I've ov'ed already. Am really not in the mood for bd'ing (which I usually am before ov) but have said to DH we may have to go again tonight which he seemed ok with. I chatted to him about hating it being forced and don't want it to totally destroy our sex life which he understood. So what do you reckon? (apart from BD just in case!). Am looking forward to appt tomorrow and finally have all the paper work through now....will have to trawl through it all tonight. Anyway, better get back to work.

Muchos love xx

Hey girls...
AF has arrived. I have just had a bit of spotting which is how it starts, I expect it to be full flow tomorrow. So on friday I need to ring the clinic (only open Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays) to sort out IVF etc.
TBD... just do what you feel comfortable with telling people, no one esp the doc should tell you what is right. But don't ever feel isolated, as Sarah says it is the physical contact that I would hate to see you missing out on as although you know we are always here I hate it to think of you alone physically on a dark day when you need someone else other than your DH.
It is also tough one re EWCM, sometimes CM comes when do number 2s and it could be from that if you are not having it at any other time????
xxx

Oh sweetie - so sorry to hear that. At least you are out of your misery now...and can phone clinic on Friday to start your whole new plan. Big big hugs xxx Thanks for the lovely message about telling people - I know you're all right, but I just feel too nervous about telling people right now. I do get those dark days though and may feel differently then, but I never share those with people (except DH) no matter what they're about. Oh I don;t know, as you say I'll do what feels right in the end.

Thanks for EWCM advice. I know I'm going to have to BD now just in case!!! It normally only happens like that around ov but just not sure if it means it's happened or yet to happen :-( I'm SURE it's already happened though.

Hope you're ok sweetie and not too down. xxx

Hi again lovelies,

You are all just so kind its unbelievable. Kind of restores your faith in humanity doesnt it?:)

First of all, Rachie - so sorry to see your update on your AF's arrival. She really is a cow. Hope you are ok with it and have managed to gather together your pma ready for your appointment...it is so important to remember that these tests that we go through on our journeys really are making us stronger, and that when we do eventually get our LO's in our arms, all the hard times and testing issues will fade away into just memories. This stage of your journey is an exciting one, because it means you are so much closer to that beautiful babe in arms. It may have its difficulties as well, but we will be here for you along the way and cheering you on at every step. As TBD says - WE WILL GET THERE! Unless of course your spotting didnt turn into full flow? How are you today?

Sarah love - you have such a way with words, and you never fail to impress me with what you have to say. I couldnt actually respond yesterday because everytime I thought about all the nice things you girlies had said I was in tears! But am feeling stronger today, and am sure that is partly due to your injection of pma into my head! So thank you from the bottom of my heart. I cant wait to have my own dream about my future children, I can totally see how that would fill you with a sense of peace and certainty. As for my Jan cut off - its only because we have a long-haul hol booked in december, and IF i was lucky enough to have clomid work, I really wouldnt want to do anything to risk the pregnancy - and a long haul flight would come under that risk category for me! We could always cancel the hol but it is to see family we dont see very often so would be reluctant to (as impatient as I am!). If it happens naturally of course wouldn't hesitate to cancel it, but just not sure it is responsible of me to try with the drugs before then. So I am left in limbo I think till Jan. Sigh! You will all be leaving me behind and moving onto pregnancy!!!
I am so excited for you with your renewed pma and enthusiasm, I just know your bfp is waiting for you round the very next corner. November would be a lovely month to discover it! :) And with your weekend away over OV time as well, it just sounds like its all lined up perfectly for you! Will really have everything crossed for you. Come on clomid magic!

TBD - sweetie you are so very lovely to me all the time, thanks so much! I very much was in need of your pma injection yesterday, even if it did make me too emotional to write back! :) I love how positive you are about your appointment, although am so very hopeful you wont need it after having had *that* much action over your OV period!!!! Fingers crossed that it will have done the job for you, it couldnt happen to a nicer lady (apart from any of the other ladies on this board of course! lol). Sorry to hear you had a GP who was a bit of an **** with you - although glad he isnt your normal Dr! Nobody can tell you how you *should* feel or when you *should* start your family, you are so obviously ready to be a mum now, and age has nothing to do with it. Glad your tests were all ok though, and hope your normal Gp is more supportive. I really hope you won't need her to be though! :) It must be hard not knowing who to talk to about all this stuff you are going through. We should all plan a meet even though we would all have to come from various parts of the country to do so! Only you can decide the right thing to do in terms of who to tell, and I can totally empathise with your fears about people thinking 'oh its a test tube baby' or 'oh whats wrong with them that they are infertile' etc...I have read so many comments on news stories saying that people who are infertile are *obviously* not *supposed* to have children cos of genetic problems and it makes my blood boil so so much. I can understand your reluctance to talk to people because of this kind of reaction, but rest assured that for the most part, people are very supportive, understanding and kind. That said, I havent exactly shouted it from the rooftops:) I hope you work out something that suits both you and your OH. In the meantime, use us all you want!

Just to update - I decided to try to do something to get myself out of limbo so bought some agnus castus (not hopeful as took it before and it did nothing at all but at least I am doing something). Took it yesterday morning but what did i do this morning?! I forgot didnt I! Will hopefully remember to take it when i get home from work.

Thanks again for cheering me up ladies
xxx

Sanguine... fantastic to "see" you again! I am pleased to hear you sound so positive!
I was researching IVF last night Sanguine and come across a load of newspaper articles and I was gobsmacked on the reaction of some people. Espwhen they sound so angry about it, from that I completely understand why people hesitate to tell people. I have told a couple of close friend but this realyl did make me start thinking how wrong some peoples view of it is... I know that we don't medically "need" a child but the strain we put ourselves through and the longing of it does fill a piece in our heart that and that is something that they don't understand. It upset me that people make out that we are being inconsiderate just wanting to complete our family and we don't see it as a luxury we just see it as finishing our family.
Anyway I am pleased to hear that you got some angus catus I have heard some really good things about it... set an alarm for later!
TBD I can't wait to hear from you later about your appt, I am thinking of you honey!!!
Sarah... hi honey!!!! Hope you are OK?! Bring on a fertile November :) :) :) :) Come on clomid... do your magic!
My AF came in full force this morning! I am ok about it, in fact I feel relieved that it has now come. For the past 2 weeks I have not even contemplated a BFP but then it arrived late and I started hoping and the minute I got my hopes up... it came! I am ringing the nurse tomorrow to get my IVF consultant appt in, I just want to get started now. My dh and I are going to uncover every stone this weekend, as he wants to go through it all again to make sure he has processed everything correctly... think he has just realised how big a step this is!!!!
Big group hug...
xxxx

Hey ladies,

Lovely to catch up with you all as always. I'm here with a cup of tea and a muffin and it kind of feels like a big cyber coffee morning catching up to where everyone is!

Rache, I've said it all before but the witch is a b*tch! Glad to hear you have renewed PMA though and I think it's great you and hubby are going through all the IVF stuff together this weekend. Then he'll be up to speed!! It is a big step and I can't say how much admiration I have for you & TBD to be doing this and with such strength and determination and courage. You truly are role models and inspirational women. I know that some people might be negative about IVF, but anyone who knows you and loves you will understand. TBD, I would think about just telling one person close to you. A friend, your mum, DH's mum maybe?? Although if she's anything like my MIL she's the one putting the pressure on!! I know what you mean though about wanting to keep the conversations with your friends unTTC related and I totally understand that. At the end of the day, you will do what is right for you and you know we are always here for you. It's just sometimes nothing beats a physical hug. Maybe we'll have to arrange real coffee mornings and start meeting up like Sanguine says!

Sanguine, I'm glad you are feeling better and glad that we gave you some new PMA. Your reasons for waiting till January sound very sensible and I would definitely not cancel your holiday - we put enough of our life on hold with ttc. I am actually planning a trip to San Francisco next year to see my friend who lives over there. I'm thinking if I book it then sod's law will take over and I am bound to get pg!! Otherwise, the time I am meant to go will roll around and I won't be pg and I won't have booked it and I'll just feel miserable. So my new motto is to (try to) carry on as normal. TBD, you know me so well already as I am already planning my OV weekend away outfit!!

Here's to renewed PMA and to getting those BFPs very, very soon. We might need the power of medicine to step in and give us a helping hand but we WILL get there!! And what's the point in medical advancements if no one takes advantage of them?

Speak soon ladies,

S xx

P.S Any word from Mrs H? I know her laptop was being changed a week or so ago? Maybe I'll do a FAO to see if she's ok. xx

Hello you gorgeous gang. He he I agree with Sarah - I love my time catching up with you lot....actually on the way home from appt in the car I was wondering what you'd all been up to today!! I definitely think it would be lovely to meet up - I really do. We'd better do it soon before we're all pg and sufferring with ms!

Sanguine - it is absolutely brilliant to hear you sounding so much brighter honey. It's great you are taking some proactive steps - it's always good to feel you're doing*something*. I agree it's a good plan to go on your trip - as the others have said you've already put enough on hold and you will only feel even more resentful if you don't go and then you're not pg anyway. Who knows maybe relaxing and enjoying the trip will be all ylou need...and you'll come home with much more than you bargained for!! Thanks so much for being so understanding about my GP and people's oomments - those are EXACTLY the kinds of things that put me off telling people. Hope the PMA continues sweetie, but you know you can come and rant / cry / whatever you need to here with us. And BTW you are very lovely too!!

Rachie - also wonderful to hear you sounding positive too - despite the evil witch coming in full force. I think your PMA will only improve now that you're starting the IVF process. How lovely that your DH wants to do some research and get involved.....mine wouldn't go that far!! But I think it's fab. I do wish mine would be a bit more active about this but I think he's sick of it with the amount I go on about it!!! Thanks also for your understanding about me telling people - it's so nice to feel I'm not the only one. It is awful some of the opinions people have.

Sarah - Bless you, you sweetie. I am truly inspired by all the ladies on here too - it's just unbelievable what some people have to go through. I think you're right about telling one or two people....but just not sure yet...I can totally see the benefits. One of the big problems is that TTC has caused me to drift apart from so many of my friends and family and I feel so distant from them now. In many ways I feel much closer to you guys than any of my real-life friends!! Is that ridiculously sad? I NEVER thought I'd have cyber friends!!! (but I'm v glad I do now). Again, I think you should definitely book that trip - as you say you can't lose really as you'll either have to cancel because you're pg (woo hoo - obviosly preferable) or be going on hols ( a slight consolation for not being pg). But I reckon you'll be cancelling!!

Haven't heard from MrsH - I think she said she was made redundant so lost her laptop??? Hope she's ok too.

AFM, well it's been an emotional old day to say the least. I'm going to write a separate post, but the brief version is that after some pleading, sulking, and a few tears...........we're going to be starting a short protocol of ICSI in less than 2 weeks time when AF arrives!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so so pleased. Although obviously quite apprehnsive as well. So now need to make sure my body is in the best possible condition and start planning how on earth I'm going to manage it around work. As you can probably tell, I'm very excited, although a bit delerious with tiredness as well!!

Lots of Love xxx

Hello my favourite cyber girls:)

Nothing much to share from my end, but just wanted to give another massive whoop whoop to TBD - am so super excited for you and can't wait to follow your (short) ivf journey and see that lovely bfp post from you. Am beginning to think that this thread will become very empty with just little old me left come november!!! All your moves to pregnancy are ones that I can't wait to see, and I promise I won't even mind too much being left behind:) Hopefully i can follow you over in jan or feb and then when we all have our babies you can share all your tips with me because you will all have 3 month old bubs by then:)
Beginning to think that Nov might even be twin month - you could all end up with double trouble!!! :)
Anyway all the good news and pma is still helping to keep my spirits high, so keep it coming girls!
Speaking of which, how is the symptom spotting coming along Sarah? If i were you i think it would be about now I would start to obsess:)
Hope you all have great weekends...
x

Hey Sanguine sweetie. Aw bless you. I'm pretty sure you will not be left on your own honey (hopefully because we will all be in pg!!). Whoever is still here will be getting lots of visits and prayers from those who have left I am sure. How amazing to think that by this time next yr we may all have babies keeping us awake at night!! I would love it if we could all meet up with our babies one day.....

Glad the PMA is keeping your spirits up sweetie. But please don't give up on your own PMA and chances....it still could happen naturally before you start clomid sweetie.

Hmm, I am going to be posting a thread about twins.....my cons has given me the scare-monger stories about twins and put my husband off having two embryos put back (if we are lucky enough to get that chance). Not happy about that....

I am really excited, but getting increasingly nervous as it starts to sink in.....

Have a great weekend too honey.

Hello to the lovely Rachie and Sarah - how are two doing today? xxx

Sanguine you are not being left anywhere!!! We are right with you... trust me on that!!! Glad to hear that the PMA is strill high! are you remembering the angus catus?! :)
TBD... how are you doing?! How are your thoughts going with the two embroyos?? Are you still really excited? Did you say you were on the short protocal?
Sarah hope those flushes and clomid symptoms are improving??
I am doing good, I spoke to my nurse on friday and I am having all the blood forms sent out next week and I hope to get my blood tests done ASAP and DH has to do another SA and then we will have our initial IVF. I asked if Jan was realistic and she was like yes definitely, she did say if there was a postal strike we could have even thought about December but I am very happy to focus on January. DH and I have spent the afternoon going through it all, and it is really good knowing that he has it fully sorted in his head as we were always on the same wave length but because it was never a definite he never really took it all in, but then when we heard this is it then he was like... ok I need to understand what is happening now... so we went through it all. :)
xxx

Hey Rachie, so so pleased to hear things are moving forward for you sweetie. It sounds like you and DH are managing it really well together. That's really important. As you've probably gathered hubbie and I often have different opinions on things which can cause a few heated debates (!) but in the end we do get there and manage to reach a decision that suits us both. I really still don't know about the 2 embryos stuff....I replied on my other thread....I just think we cannot make that decision at present. Plus I can;t keep talking to DH about it because he'll start to dig his heels in if I keep on stomping my feet saying I want 2!!! Although I'd absolutely love to have twins but at the end of the day if we could haave 1 healthy baby I would feel that my life was complete and I could really ask for nothing more.
I will be on the short protocol which will mean egg collection will probably be around 2 weeks after AF I think (not got a proper schedule yet until AMH levels back). So excited though yes. Ooh honey am so excited for you too. Great to have Jan to focus on (along with Sanguine)....or maybe you will both get a lovely surprise BFP before then...! And Sarah will hopefully be leaving us in November!! Hugs to you honey.

And hello and big hugs to sarah and sanguine, hope you're both ok.

xxx

Hey ladies, lovely to hear from you all as always and I definitely agree for a big meet up soon!

TBD, wow honey! I am sooooo excited for you!! Things are really moving and I will check up on your other thread to hear the full story but like you say I would not worry too much about the two embryo choice at this stage. You can make that decision when the time comes and with the consultant's advice. I'm like you and I would love twins, not sure why although my sisters are twins, but DH thinks it would be too much for us in one go as our first babies! But like you, I would be over the moon with joy for one little one at the moment. I always thought I wanted two or three children but I really would just be sooo happy if God blessed me with just one. I feel sure he will for all of us and we'll be getting together with our broods of children in years to come!!

Sanguine honey you will not be left behind. It's nearly November now so January is just around the corner and the clomid is waiting for you (if AF doesn't make herself known before then). I am feeling a little rubbish this week and I think maybe my body might need this cycle to adjust to taking it, but I am ok with that. It does feel a bit like you're not in your own skin if you know what I mean!! I had a lovely hot flash in House of Fraser at the weekend and I now totally understand what my Mum was saying as she's going throught the menopause at the moment!! It's not pretty but I know it will be soooo worth it so I am trying to soldier through!! The headaches are the worst part I think as they come on suddenly and seem to stay with me all day. But with all the side effects it has to be doing something right?!

Rachie, glad to hear things are moving forward for you too. I have emailed you anyhow but things are getting really exciting now for you & TBD. And a new year and a new start would be just perfect - when do you have to start your down time? I hope that all goes smoothly with not too many side effects. I was thinking I would be fine on the clomid but today I really feel knocked for six! But I am trying to keep my mind focused on what this is for and you lovely ladies help me do that. I agree TBD that I feel so close to everyone here as we share something that you don't share with your friends in the 'real' world!! Even if our friends are ttc (and DH is convinced another couple we know are) no one talks about it or shares it with anyone. I have a couple of friends who know but I don't feel I could talk about it with them every day and they don't understand as they're not in the same position. So I feel very, very lucky to have found such a lovely group of ladies on BE. It's lovely to feel truly excited at the prospect of someone else's BFP too, and I haven't felt like that in a looooong time! But with you three lovely ladies I think I will have to give the PC a big hug when I read that news!!

So onwards to 2010 (if not sooner for you TBD, 2 weeks to start ICSI, I am soooooo excited for you!!) Big hugs everyone

S xx