Hi girls

Me and hubby had a big row the other night - but it's cleared the air a bit so feeling slightly better. I can't think about my SIL though cause anytime I do I feel so cheated, I still haven't felt happy for them.

I think AF not turning up is making me worse, I need to know where I am and have the option of TTC again. Right now I feel in limbo. My hcg dropped off quite quickly (the day I went to EPU the test she did was barely positive though I had drunk alot to fill my bladder! the test she gave me to do a week later was totally negative) so I was hoping I'd just get back to my cycle but doesn't seem to be happening.

It's typical isn't it, all those times you're TTC AF turns up and disappoints you, then when you want her to come the cow is nowhere to be seen ;)

I hope she comes to visit soon so you can get a bit of normality back.

I'm sure you will feel happy for your SIL. But it's still all so soon. People who think we should be over it by now and pulling ourselves together obviously have no idea what all of this is like. Give yourself more time. Then you can be the world's most fabulous auntie while you're waiting to be a fab mum!

G
xx

Hi DM,

I'm so sorry. I've had 2 mmcs but I had a healthy son who is 19 months after the 1st mmc. I don't know how I would have coped if I'd had 2 mcs one after ther other and no baby, so I think you're doing amazingly well. I was destroyed after my 1st mmc and another one would have finished me off completely. Seriously - you are doing really well and things will get better.

I had a 2nd mmc recently and I'm in a v. similar position to you. My SIL (hubby's, brother's wide) is pg with her first with no probs. She is due 10 days before we were due. Also 2 of my best friends are due - one a month before I was, and the other 2 weeks after I was - and they haven't experience mc either. My other best mate is due in Jan (first baby, no probs either).

It really doesn't seem fair. I'm so angry this has happened twice.

Have you thought about going away for Christmas this year? We did that the Xmas after I MMC first time because the baby would have been due in Nov and I'd set my heart on us being a little familiy for Xmas. My son was born the following March in the end, but I couldn't handle a normal family Xmas so we went to Paris with my mate and her husband and it was fab!

I'm avoiding our BIL and SIL this Xmas - luckily my hubby is working so we have an excuse to stay away. I would have refused to spend Crimbo with them otherwise. There is a bit of a history there - they've barely seen our son and refused to invite him to their weddding, so it wouldn't be so weird for me to stay out their way!

How about you go to your family's house for Xmas instead of your in laws?

Take care,

Jo x

ahh could have written the bit about everyone and its cat being pregnant at min.its so hard but you really have to try your best to say thats me that is , ill be next we all here for rants and support so dont be shy ,hopefully itl be you soonxxxxxxx

Hi girls, I'm feeling better generally but still find it hard to think about my SIL. It's tough enough seeing pregnant women and babies everywhere but to have soimeone so close who's due around same time as EDD is tirture - jo I don't know how I'd cope with 3 just having SIL is bad enough.

Me and hubby split Xmas between the families spending am and lunch with his family then the rest of the day with mine - when I was PG (both times) we'd said this would be the last year of doing that and next year we'd have a family christmas. I haven't broached the subject of not going to his familys yet I don't think he'd react well plus he's pinning his hopes on getting Pg this cycle so we'd be 12 weeks in between Xmas and New Year. He reckons if we can do that it'll be fine because then we'll be able to tell families at Christmas. I don't think he understands that it'll still be difficult even if I am pregnant to see my SIL at a position I should have been 4 weeks ahead plus part of me thinks I don't want to tell his family because it'll make them think it's all ok when it'll never be ok. I had a dream the other night that I got PG with twins and everyone was like oh well doesn't matter about the MC's now and woke up so angry, I have a horrible feeling that his families attitude would be just that.

Sorry for the ramble, hope you're doing ok xx

Glad you're feeling a bit better DM. Yes it well and truly sucks that so many close people around me are pg. One of the 3, who is going through her 1st pg, has been posting on her Facebook how awful she feels / sick she feels being pg. That really doesn't help. She's obviously avoided saying anything like that to my face but I really feel like screaming "you ungrateful effing cow!". Calm down Jo..... deep breaths! She's a really good friend - I can't believe I feel so negative towards her. I also don't go on FB very often so I guess she didn't think I would read her ungrateful ramblings.

As for Xmas, I think you should keep things open at the mo and not make any fixed plans. Maybe say to your hubby you're really struggling with this and that you don't want to commit to anything just yet. I think both families will understand if you just say to them you've had a hard year and you haven't decided what to do yet and ask if they're just able to bear with you.

You have been through a lot. I know some people belittle the impact of mc, but you have been through it twice now which is a real rollercoaster of a journey to endure. Put you and your OH first this year.

I guess you could say to your OH that you're worried you'll burst into tears at the dinner table with your SIL and all the family around. That might swing him into changing his mind! The idea would certainly terrify my DH :-)

On a more positive note, when I had my first MMC, my other SIL was also pg at the same time. She's lovely and I'm much closer to her than younger SIL who is currently pg. It seemed so unfair at the time because their pg was unplanned, she hadn't been taking FA etc and we'd done everythig right. I was due on 7 Nov and she was due end Nov. It was hard initially but it got much easier in time, and I went on to have Samuel in March who is just an absolute star. It's really hard to see it this way at the time, but I now know that he was the baby I was supposed to have. He wouldn't be here if things had gone ok with my 1st pg and I can't imagine the world without him. He's so precious and funny and an absolute darling. There are 3 1/2 months between him and my nephew and they get on really well - the gap is getting smaller and smaller as they grow as well.

Anyway, fingers crossed if you're TTC this month.

Take care,

Jo x

DM I was halfway through writing you a reply last night when I had to rush out so see a sick cat. the phone always seems to go at the most inconvenient moment.

"it'll make them think it's all ok when it'll never be ok" - just wanted to say that I understand how you feel, and I think we all just have to unfortunately get used to the fact that people who haven't MC will never really understand. My mum said to me after my mc that coz she was young she never fully appreciated just how lucky she was to fall pg with me and bro with no time ttcing at all and both pgs run smoothly. she admitted to me that she hates me being upset and is there for me, but she doesn't understand what it would be like at all.

I hope you can take comfort from the fact that we all do understand it will never be ok, and we're all here for each other.

Gems
xx

Hey Gems - thankyou for yet more comforting words you're always helpful! My mum is the same as yours she's never been through MC and had her kids young with no problems so although she's there for me she doesn't really understand or know what to say.

Jo your friend sounds lovely!! It's hard when people just don't appreciate how lucky they are to be PG I'd give anything to have morning (noon and night) sickness if it meant a baby at the end of all the yuck.

Think I'll leave the Xmas discussion for a bit see how I feel and if either family ask just do as you've said - say that I'll decide later as I'm not sure what I can handle this year.

Thanks again girls xx

How you going DM and Gems?

J x

Hi Jo

I'm mostly doing well, had a bad day on Tues, woke up feeling a bit teary and continued all day not helped by the couple in UP not being able to have babies!! My in laws were round in the evening and whenn MIL asked how I was keeping I burst into tears - she then ended up crying too was weird but comforting.

Coming up to end of first cycle trying again and have been v bad with early testing - been getting BFN's which isn't helping my PMA but have had some symptoms I'm hoping are PG so not lost hope yet.

How're you doing?

Am mostly doing ok. in 2ww, think I'll feel bad again if it's not a bfp at the end of it.

Felt a little upset today when someone at work told me I looked thinner. she didn't knwo about mc and meant it as a compliment. But at MC time I was still wearing all usual clothes but the waistbands were all getting a bit tight. Was a bit of a reminder, thinking why I looked thinner.

Is your little man ok now?

Hi Gems - glad you're doing better too. Think we'll always have little wobbles and even the smallest things canserve as reminders for us. Fingers crossed for you sticky BFPxx

Glad you're both hanging in there girls. I'm not too bad. Had a bad week last week (even before the swine flu incident!) but I am feeling more positive this week. Having said that, I've really badly comfort eaten tonight and last night so I'm not 100 per cent.

My counsellor has cancelled our session tomorrow and rearranged for Monday. Ker!

Samuel is much better thank god. He's not eating much and having quite a few toddler tantrums at the moment which are testing when you're feeling emotional and tired anyway. Bur he's really good on the whole thanks. In a really selfish way, when he's playing up like this, part of me thinks it will be easier to have a slightly larger gap between baby number 1 and 2 anyway. Not that I wanted to lose this last previous pregnancy though.

AF was quite heavy yest. Maybe that explains my gorging! I'd love to start TTC again this month too but I'm going to stick to my guns and wait another cycle before we start. Just want to get my head more sorted.

Wishing you both LOADS of baby dust

J x x x

glad he's doing better. what was the counsellors excuse?

Hi J

Hmm not good with the counseller at least its not too long to wait for another appointment, hope it goes well for you. I had counselling a few years back when everything just got on top of me and it really helped alot it brought up alot of bad experiences from my past and let me work through them like I hadn't before.

Hope AF has eased fro you and Samuel is behaving a bit better!! xxx

[Modified by: DangerMouse on October 31, 2009 03:32 PM]

He said he had an urgent medial appointment. Then (doh!) I completely forgot about my appointment on Monday so we've had to reschedule AGAIN for next Friday.

I don't mind too much actually because I've felt a lot more positive in the last week since my AF. Hurrah! I'm starting to feel really Christmassy now and have nice things to look forward to.

Hope you're both ok and I hope the new bean is sticking and doing nicely DM!

J x

Glad you're feeling better Jo, it's strange how AF can make you feel happy for a change huh? Can't believe you're feeling christmassy though - I love christmas but I haven't got the bug yet this year amybe have to go decoration shopping....

glad you're feeling better hun. my 2nd AF after MC arrived yesterday :( but guess just have to look forward to another month of lots of bd'ing ;)