Hubby and I are still getting used to the idea of being parents (we are noe 7weeks) and he decided to give up smoking. It has been hard for him and I've been trying to support him as best I can by telling him how well he is doing, but he has started drinking alot more, I dont mean loads, but enough to bother me, (2 or 3 pints a night but he started on the wine aswell last night) I know it dosnt sound alot but we cannot have alcohol in the house because he cant resist it, he once drunk a bottle of wine that was 25 years out of date just because that was all he could find, and he used to drink bottles of wine and hide the bottles from me.

Anyway, I brought it up with him and he said I was nagging him and treating him like a child and I wasnt supporting him enough with his quitting smoking, I asked him what more I could do and he was calling me selfish, I said "how am I selfish? I would love to have a glass of wine every now and again, but I can't right now, Ive also had to give up alot of food I like for the sake of the baby so how am I selfish?"

He called me a selfish twat so I asked again how am i selfish in these circumstances, our babies life depends on me right now and I will do everything I can for it. It wasnt a dig at him but he took it as a personal dig, all I was trying to point out is that I dont think a pregnant woman is. can be selfish.

Anyway he stormed off and text me saying

"how f***ing dare you use this agaist me, you are selfish. You have no idea how hard me quitting has been and now your going on about me drinkingand using our unborn child against me you bitch. I thought it was money troubles but now I'm starting to think you are just that f***ing hard to live with"

I text him back saying "think about what I said, when did I ever use anything against you? I was making a point that I am not being selfish, giving up anything for the sake of someone else makes you the least selfish person, I never mentioned you"

When I got home he picked up his keys and stormed out.

I know maybe this is my fault as I brought up that I didnt like him drinking, but Ive had an issiue with it due to him drinking and hiding bottles. I really dont need this right now.

This sounds like there's much more going on than you being supposedly 'selfish' hon.

Is he perhaps embarrassed about the fact he's started drinking again? It sounds to me like he's tryng to find a reason to blame you for his return to the booze and obviously you know that's not fair. He also knows that too which is why he is lashing out at you. Unfortunately though if he's determined to go down this route, he will do at hte expense of everything and I really hope for all your sakes he wakes up and realises what he could potentially lose.

Time for a big talk and then for you to move on in some way to relax as much as you can to grow your baby. Sorry if this sounds really blunt, but I'm pretty sure I'm not saying anything you don't know inside anyway.

Really hope things work out for you hon.xx

Your not being selfish at all, maybe he needs help? Perhaps if he saw his gp or you went together, i no its awful when youve had an argument and both sed things that u shouldnt but uve got the happiest days a head of you so chin up! X x

if he is drinking secretly and cant stop himself he has a drinking problem. the problem is his but as you are carrying his child it's yours too as you'll have to put up with him until the child is an adult if you do decide to get rid of him.

he cant use giving up smoking as an excuse for uncontrolled drinking. its one addiction to another.

He is just turning the conversation onto you to divert it from him. Don't entertain him in future. If he says your selfish tell him you can talk about that another time but for now you would like to keep the conversation on his drinking and how you are concerned with the amount. You are not saying he can't have a drink but you would like to limit it to weekends only for the sake of building a loving home for your baby. If he says you are using the baby against him then tell him yes you are. You didn't go into this alone and you will both have to make compromises if he doesn't like it then tough it is too late. Hope everything works and well soon love and you shouldn't have to face this whislt you are pregnant and hormonal. Hope you are OK. XX

He's giving up smoking and h nicotine withdrawal are going to be a nightmare or him, he'll have mood swings ect. and he'll be more stressed which is probably why this argument has escalated, try and be paitient giving up smoking is extremly hard, hopefull when he's through the worst the drinking will settle down but if it hasn't he'll be more open to talk about it without having cravings making im irritable

Hiya, Im just new to this site but when i read what you wrote it really struck a cord with me. This really sounded like what I went thru with my now ex, (father to my 11 week old son). Please dont think that him walking out is your fault. I think that what you both are going thru is a massive life adjustment. My ex also liked a drink and didnt stop or take into account that I couldnt enjoy a glass or wine after work or that it wasnt much fun sitting in a busy pub while him and everyone else was getting tipsy and I couldnt but being pregnant I knew that it was a small price to pay for a healthy baby. I explained until I was blue in the face all the things I was giving up for the sake of our child and that he wasnt changing any part of his life. (thats why he is now my ex....)

I think that you should give him a bit space and time to cool off then both of you should sit down and talk things thru what you both expect of each other while you are pregnant. I do think that its very unfair of him to walk out and accuse you of being selfish, you cant walk away from things when its gets too much or someone says something you dont like as you are the one whos pregnant so he really needs to get his act together and give you the support you need, but remember that men dont see things the way we do. Take care of yourself and try not to get too stressed out and Im sure that you will both work things out x