Hi ladies..

Im 19 years old, i have a 4 year old and a three week old. Had 'normal' depression from about 13 to 15 when i fell pregnant with my DD, was sectioned in a mental health hospital and fell pregnant then. Depression "dissapeared" and i have been fine ever since...cant explain it.

When my daughter was 10 days old my dad whom i was very close too and my only family ever since i was 9 years old died. I never got depressed and was determined too prove to everyone i could have my daughter on my own and bring her up well. Everything i do is to make sure im not judged or criticised. M daughter is a beautiful well spoken polite intelligent little girl like i once was. Dont get me worng my children are my life but i do feel if i hadnt of been ill at 13 id of stayed at school and would of been at Uni now like all my peers.

I dont even know why ive written all this but i guess im getting those feelings back again, i dont understand why. I didnt have any problems after my DD and thought id never feel like this again. Im terrified of telling anyone i feel like this, feel like i have to put on a front infront of HV. Im paranoid and cant leave any housework undone. I panic if things arent done around the house and just cant sit down if it isnt done. Im so irritable and people arpund me im just so rude and get annoyed by stupid little things...i can see these things happening and cant stop my reactions...i;e my OH sister is only 16 and a right stuck up cow...she hasnt got a clue what real life is like..shes a skinny bitch who brags about running 30 mins at the gym...and when my DS was about 8 days old she came out with.." your ass is still big isnt it"!! But i just cant stand her and find myself just ignoring her..completely and being so rude. Usually id be polite and smile when needed lol but im such a bitch!

i guess my point of this post is advice on whats your first hand experience on the difference between baby blues or PND...ive researched the symptoms...but in my eyes an mental health problem is so delicate it just cant be symptomised like a common cold. I really need help because my OH is being pushed right out and i couldnt be without him, i need to be strong for my beautiful babies and not be a failure to them and I cant keep going about my day smiling when all i want to do is burst into tears and someone to tell me to relax...i feel ike a massive black cloud is over my head and its just getting bigger...i need the sun to come out and soak it up :(

If ur still reading Thanks lol xx

Vickie x

Vickie

I am afraid I cannot offer much advice as I have just been diagnosed with depression and about to start taking some tablets.

The one bit I can relate to is the feeling of putting on a front and smiling when all you want to do is cry. I also feel like I am constantly under a big black cloud.

I cannot relax either and feel like I am fighting a losing battle with the housework.

I would urge you to talk to you doctor or health visitor as that is what they are there for they should be able to talk through how you are feeling to see if some counselling and/or medication would help.

Hope things improve for you x

Thanks for ur reply i have my 6 week post natal today am going to talk to gp if i can without sobbing...thanks for ur reply means alot to know im not the only one xx