Hi,

i just dont kno what to do. I recently got married and gave birth just over a month ago but i feel like escaping my marriage already, all because of the in laws!

My oh's parents are just so interfering! they comment on everything i do ('have you winded the baby? are you looking after her? 'is she wearing enough clothes?'' don't pick her up like that' ' she should be feeding more' you've done this wrong etc etc) and ask a milllion questions of me all the time...all they do is bark questions and orders at me. OH has always been really close to them and doesn't see anything wrong with this but i have always been very independent (my parents live 300 miles away) and feel so suffocated and swamped!

me and oh have spoken about this so many times, and although he has limited the amount of times they 'pop round' to see us at my request, he thinks i should just get over my issues with them and let their comments wash over me! He really doesn't mind how they are and i feel like i am ruining our marriage and his relationship with his parents by going on and on about his parents and how i dislike how they are, but i cannot help it. i just feel so crowded by them and their comments.

yesterday, while we were at his mums, his mum had been cuddling the baby for half an hour and then had to go upstairs to get something so she passed the baby back to me, went upstairs and then came down a minute later and said 'pass the baby back to me' and just grabbed her out of my arms before i could say i'm just having a cuddle for a minute!! OH just sat there.

they are like flies round sh*t around the baby and fire questions and me constantly, and oh never says to them to back off. And then today he told me that his parents are going to be looking after the baby when i go back to work as we cannot afford nursery (we had agreed on using a nursery when i was pregnant!). i really dont want that but is appears they have decided already between them what will happen.

I LOVE my husband so much, but i cannot live my life this way. it's getting me down so much as was doing so before the baby was born too. He says he has asked enough of his parents (he did ask then to not interfere, but they still do) and cannot ask them to change anymore. I just want to get way from them.

I feel so awful. feel like packing the bags and taking the baby and going to stay with my family down south as cannot take them anymore. but i don't want to leave my husband or deprive him of his daughter, or deprive the baby of her father, but cannot live under his parent's thumb anymore.

I'm also worried as his parents are rich so u worry that if i leave they will hire a lawyer and make sure oh gets custody of the baby rather then me. despite the fact that their beloved son smokes weed everyday they still would make sure that kept the baby rather than me!

i've tried sand tried talking to my husband and it'ds cuased so much tension between us and i keep saying that i will try ot get on with them, but i just can't! they interfer so much they make me want to escape!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

please, does anyone have any advice?

My sis is had similar issue with her in laws...I think its normal! Could you have a wee holiday to your mums just for a bit of space. Maybe when your way OH could try to speak to his parents again. Basically you'd be giving him a reality check of what life will be like if he doesn't stick up for your feelings!! There has got to be compromise but not all on your side. Good luck x

Aww you poor thing :( Theres nothing worse than interfering inlaws. Does your OH realise just how seriously this is affecting you and your relationship or does he just think you find them mildly annoying? The only thing I can recommend is having a proper heart to heart, tell him exactly how you feel. Your LO's parents, not your inlaws, they need to take a step back. Could you try approaching them directly or would that make things worse?

Sorry Im not much use, just didnt want to read and run. good luck x

Aw hun, see my other topics as I had a major rant about my mil the other day - similar things to what you are saying.
The other day she took lo into the garden and oh asked her to keep lo out of the sun, mil replied 'the sun wont hurt her' oh said 'just humour me and keep her out of the sun please' i was so proud of him.
i am a real wimp with my parents as well as anyone else, so my advice would be, stand up for yourself - next time they make a comment - snap back but in a way that your oh wont be annoyed with and hopefully they will get the message.
My dad thinks all we do is feed lo, he keeps aying to her, you cant want milk again you've had some a few hours ago, i snapped at him - she does have it every 3 hours you know, he then shut up.

I really do know how you feel, i want to strangle my mil all the time.

Be strong hunny, dont let it ruin your marriage, but at the same time your hubby should understand that it upsets you xx

So sorry you are having problems.

Have YOU tried talking to his parents? Explain how their actions make you feel? Also tell them to act like grandparents and NOT parents, she already has two of them!

Hope you get it all sorted.

K x

Oh you poor thing. I would actually print this post and give it to you hubby. You are his wife and you should be priority number one. Explain carefully to him that you do not want to hurt him, and that you understand his parents are like this only because they care, but that you have to tell him how you feel. Then hand him the printed post and pop out for a walk if you can for 15 minutes. That will give him time to read it a couple of times and let it sink in,

Hopefully then you should be able to have a good conversation about it.

Please let us know how it goes.

Rx

I suggest out oen to paper and write hm a letter. When he reads the letter it will hoepfully sink in. If you mention to him that your needs and thought come first before his parents particularly regarding where he goes when you are working. Tell him you need space to breath and enjoy your lo. You dont need the in laws over all the time. Maybe if you said you dont want to end up with pnd with all the stress they are giving you.
Stand your ground. dont let your oh dictate what you should do. Yes he is your husband, but you should be making decision together. You may want to post this on baby too. I know quite a few people have found a bit of tensin with oh when los are small. Next time your in laws take your lo off you. Speak and say, you are sorry but you r lo nees a sleep, or you would like cuddle to. they may not actually realise that they are getting in teh way. Does that make sense? They may just be wanting lots of cuddles but not realising that you need some space too.

Maybe arrange to go to friends when you think they will be comig voer, or go out for a walk. My mil used to say, does she need feeding, has she slept. yes it did annoy me, but I jsut let it go over my head and didnt dwell on it. Im guessing she was just making sure that she was settled and her needs were met. but I do understnad where you are coming from.

I do feel for you as I am already dreading how my in laws will be when the baby is born and I'm still in my first trimester. I really don't get on with them (or his sisters) and I am more concerned that they will be over ALL the time when the baby is born unannounced. His neice also comes round all the time whether I want her here or not (which I never do) and I can see her becoming alot worse when the baby arrives. My parents also live a long way away and his are only round the corner. Me and my husband have had numerous arguements about them as I always feel like he thinks it's my fault that I don't get on with them.

I really do sympathise and I know speaking to him isn't really going to work. Why don't you all go and visit your parents for a while, seeing my parents always seems to make my hubby realise just how bad his parents are. xxxxx

I really think you should just snap back at them when she barks something at you. You could say something like "would you mind just ketting me do it my way for a while" and if your MIL ever just takes baby out of your arms again wait for her to sit down / go to her spot them walk over and remove baby from her. If she resists say in a very firm voice Give me my daughter now. Don't give her a reason just do it. That way she will have no choice. If anyone still refused to give me my daughter back I would get physical and pack up and leave to go home or for a walk with lo for an hour until they had left.

Still you could always look to pop out every time they are round. Try and limit your space a bit more. Also how about inviting your mum round for a week to stay. She will make you feel better. XX

Please spell out to your husband really clearly how you're feeling.

When I had my 1st baby, hubby's parents were all over my baby, taking her from me when she cried, making me feel useless. We never visited often enough or for long enough. MIL was crying saying she wasn't like a proper grandma cos she didn't see baby often enough. It drove me mad and I think it contributed to my depression after I had baby. They would always pore over her, always have to hold her and show her off to others as if she was their child. It still makes me upset to think of it! Also snide comments like 'we never see her' etc which my oh never noticed.

Well after I had my 2nd baby they weren't as bad, and when 2nd lo was about 6 months old I told hubby just how useless pil had made me feel, how upset I'd been for months after Lily was born, how I'd hated them always snatching her from me and felt so upset and anxious whenever we saw them etc and he said HE DIDN'T REALIZE I FELT SO BAD. I guess I can't blame him for that. I should have spelt it out at the time...crying in the bathroom at their house, and telling him nicely didn't get across to him how bad it was. So emphasize how bad it is making you feel and ask your hubby to have a word.

I'm a bit of a cowardy custard but I asked OH to have a word with his mum, and she's not so overbearing now, and we actually get along much better and can chat without any bitchiness or snide comments which is great. Also now girls are older I don't mind them going to her house for the day so she has them a bit more often. The situation can improve!

Good luck hun, and sorry for the essay! It just brought up exactly how I felt back then. xxx