I am so so sad, i thought that i was getting over everything.
But i dont think that i am, my DH wants me to speak to someone - but i would not have a clue what to say or where to start! I had a mmc in march and i know that it should be getting easier, and it is most of the time!
Its just i still have some really bad days i find it really hard seeing pregnant women x I feel like i am slowly going crazy I just want to be pregnant again and just keep seeing other people and knowing how far gone i should be I should have a baby bump n be getting everything ready now!!
Its just so unfair!!
Sorry ladies i am rambling on, just needed to get it off my chest! I just feel so so gutted so much of the time and want to feel better now x

Hey Barley...didnt want to read and run. Big ((hugs)) to you. I think most, if not all, of the girlies on here know how you feel, and even if some are coping better than others, we've all been there at some point.

I totally agree with your DH that it would be good for you to go speak to someone. I think theres a lot to be said for simply unloading on someone, who knows nothing about you, wont judge anything you say, but is professionally trained to work in your best interests and who's sole job is to help you feel better. Ask your gp if they can refer you, but that might take some time, so look into any of the local counselling organisations in your area. Training counsellors work for free while training (but have one one or more years training already and ALL work under supervision from a long trained counsellor - my ex-boss was one!). I would suggest looking up person centered counsellors - they help you talk though stuff yourself, and quite a few of my friends have used one for various things and have all found them helpful.

If you're feeling down, I personally feel that theres nothing that can be lost from speaking to someone...it can only be beneficial in the long term, and the main thing you need to do is look after yourself. There is no point struggling on, feeling unhappy, when you can take some help and start to feel better - which ultimately can only help with the pma and ttc in the long term!

Hope this helps...and big ((hugs)) again :) xxx

Hi It could have been me typing your post. I am sad so often. i am not getting over it really (mmc in april). All my friends are pregnant (most due when I was) I spend most of my time at mums and tots groups etc cos I am a sahm and I find it hard being around pregnant ppl and new born babies. I feel I need to get pregnant again. I think that will help.
I just wanted to say I feel the same and chat on here when you feel sad and you realise most ppl that have had a mc feel the same. I am wondering if I should go and speak to someone about how I feel. Let us know if you do and if you find it helpful.

Hi
I think you echo a lot of people's feelings, some days are deffinitely easier than others and its still quite recent - don;t give yourself a hard time, I found this site really helpful when feeling awful but maybe would be worth speaking to your GP if its getting harder and harder to cope with
best wishes
Daisyx

Hi hon,

So sorry that you are feeling so down. It is totally normal and I don't think there is any one way to get past it. I had a mmc/d&c in april and just now am I starting to feel better. but like you I still have down days - everyone at work seems to be pg and someone asked me today when I was going to have a baby...I felt like punching them!

For me it was posting on here that helped but also doing other stuff like getting to the gym, going for a swim, trying to get back into work etc - it is very easy to lose focus after a mc and I forgot all the things that are fantastic in my life already like my family, oh, friends etc - it is these things that I concentrated on and still am, whilst BD'ing away like mad and hoping that my LO will be on it's way shortly.

Talking about it does help and speaking to someone about it may be beneficial for you - in the mean time you are welcome to email me to get anything off your chest!!

Take care,

Kristen xx

[Modified by: kristen77 on July 13, 2009 07:16 PM]

oh hun. i'm so sorry for your loss. i don't think there's any right amount of time to start feeling normal again, but i do think speaking to someone will help. i'm a sahm too and 3 of my friends from mums and tots all had their babies the week i had mc so i know just how you feel. i really hope you can turn a corner and start to feel better soon. xxx

Hi

As Lulee said I think everybody can relate to what you are feeling. There are so many aspects to a mc and no matter how hard you try and how positive you are it does get to you. Seeing pg women and hearing abuot pregnancy can be so difficult and is a reminder of what you've lost and where you should have been. Sometimes even seeing maternity ranges in shops makes me feel emotional!

I had professional counselling after my second mc and I think it has helpe me loads. I was referred by a specialist who we went to see but apparently you can refer yourself. She is a specialist in mc and fertility problems so really understands the things you go through. For me its not just been about having someone to listen to me, she actually helps me and my DH to pick out area's in our lives where feelings are triggered and helps with strategies to deal with it. Its all very positive and has has also helped me chill out about TTCing again which is important. Having said that, i still feel low sometimes which I think it natural and sometimes you need to just have a good cry, some chocolate and have faith that the feelings will pass.

You've been through a lot and you need to just give yourself time. You will have good days and bad days and sometimes it can even be good hours and bad hours!

Take care

little mo xx

Just like all the other girls have said...I tool think it's a great idea to speak to someone. It does you no harm, only good. You can get a referral through your GP (some have onsite counsellors, or they can refer you elsewhere) but yes that can take a while. Or you can find some local organisations yourself and self-refer. I went to one for 6 mnths to get me back on track and im sure a better person as a result of it. Not only with dealing with my mmc but in other areas of my life as well, so it was a bonus.

It doesnt matter if you think you havent got a clue where to start or what to say, it will just all come out when you get there. All you need to do is make that first call. When you get there, sometimes you dont even need to say anything, just to feel comfortable in a space where you can reflect on whats happened and have a good old cry. Other times you will be able to work through things with your counsellor.

It is hard seeing so many pregnant women and their babies. They seem to come out of the woodwork!! Friends, colleagues, randoms. I remember walking up the street one day shortly after mine last October and not 1 but 2 women pushing their buggies crossed the road at once and headed towards me. I got so upset. But of course they werent targetting me!! I crossed the road to get away from them. I also asked my friends who had just had babies to give me some time and to understand that it wasnt that I was not happy for them, but that I was having difficultly coping with their news whilst having my own loss. They were very supportive in respecting my wishes, and gave me all the time I needed and I went back to them when I was ready.

Dont push yourself to get over it. Every day is a different day. There will be steps backwards, but there will always be more steps forward. Counselling can help you to release that feeling of "loss" and to move on. You neednt forget your LO in moving on, but you remember and think about things differently, hopefully with some comfort.

xx

Hiya, I haven't really got anything else to add as the others have been great as always. Just want to say that I frequently go through periods where I feel exactly the same. Take care, xxx

really sorry to hear that you are feeling so low, and you are not alone there, I think it only natural to want to have a big bump and a baby on the way or we wouldnt be on here, seeing other people with bumps is hard I agree especially when you are around them all the time, I think like the others say talking to other people about it will hopefully help dealing with it. I know I am facing it in rather a stupid way right now as completely focusing on trying to get pregnant again when I am still bleeding from D +C, I know everyone deals with it in different ways, the girls on here are really helpful and supportive and seem to always lift you up a bit when things arent so great and just to talk to people who have experienced the same things as you makes you not feel so alone anyway I cant seem to formulate a sentence just wanted to send you my love Luc xxx

hi ladies,
thank you all so much for your replies!! I am so sorry that you have all had to go through this as well, gosh it really sucks sometimes x so strange that so many should have to go throught this still in this day and age!!
i am having a better day today have spoken to hubby a bit more and to my sister and reading all of your replies has really helped me realise i am not alone with this x I am so lucky that my hubby is such an amazing guy i think i just need to be more truthful with him when it is a bad day instead of bottling it all up x
I have a number from the miscarriage association for a volunteer and may try ringing her when i have the courage built up! but for now you have all made me feel so much more positive about this!
I know in my mind that it wasn't meant to be and that it will happen when the time is right but its hard to hear that so much x
My cycles have only just started settling back down so i have got that to be grateful for and i know i have lots of people around me to talk to so i am gonna start using them more, am meeting up with an old friend 2moz who has also been through this so hopefully she will give me a little more perspective as well x

Thanks again for all your help - not sure what i would do without this place sometimes x x jo x x