Well as some of you may know Charlie is not a gr8 sleeper, he settles fairly well about 8ish and after a few hours he wakes up really distressed. It breaks my heart hearing him like that and all i want to do is pick him up and cuddle him and if its in the middle of the night he normally ends up in our bed which hubby also does but if he wakes whilst we're still up hubby reckons i shouldn't pick him up and let him cry it out. I know he is probably right but i just can't bear to hear him sooo upset, it upsets me hearing him like that. What should i do girls? I feel horrible not comforting him but at the same time I feel weak as a mum giving in so easily (this was made worse yesterday when to work colleagues said they never did what i did and that i was too soft and basically made me feel like crap!)

hey dont feel bad you sound like a super mummy!! you know your baby and you do what you want to do what makes you and your lo feel better, i hate to hear my lo cry and get distressed hey if we didnt there would be somethign wrong with us! i have 4 children and my youngest is only 3 month s old my eldest are 10 and 2 teenagers, i have been there and done this and i am sure i will have the toddler in bed etc.. but they grow out of it, i promise you!

god don't let other people make you feel crappy - they've got no idea why your lo might be waking up every night. he could be suffering tummy ache or nightmares or anything so its easy for them to say you shouldn't do it but they don't have to listen to it!
i think you should go with your instincts if comforting him means he is in the long run more secure and loved then go for it. when the time is right and you feel you can leave him a little then you will - just go at your own pace and when it does come to try and leave him to cry don't beat yourself up over it. it is difficult but you are his mum and you gotta do whats right for your lo. how old is he anyway?

funkymonkey83 - please dont feel like crap. i think that some of it may be habit for charlie but you need to do what feels right for you. it is awful listening to them so upset - we had it for the 1st time in months this evening and it was awful. i am of the school of cc but i dont think thats right for everyone and you certainly shouldnt feel bad for wanting to comfort your child. i get the other comments about how cruel i am for leaving him to cry but that is my choice.rant over-can you tell someone said this to me today. i think a compromise may be needed, like if you go up and comfort him and lay him back down if your up and bring him into bed with you through the night.xxx

As the others have said, don't feel crap cos you have no need to.

No one can tell you what you can and can't do with your baby. If you want to give him a cuddle then do! There is nothing wrong with that.

They grow up so quickly that before you know it you don't get as many cuddles anymore.

Personally I don't see the point in leaving babies to cry and get distressed (no offence to those who have/do controlled crying just not for me). SBJr has never been a clingy child and he often got in with me, or I sat and rocked/cuddled him to sleep most nights. He grew out of it, although there is still the odd morning when he climbs in for a cuddle but those are very few and far between now It's not cool

Anyhoo - my point is this. You will never get this time again so spend it how you want to. If cuddling your son to sleep is the right thing for you to do, then do it.

Ignore everyone's opinions - especially mine - and do what you feel is right for you and your child

He's 8 months and i feel bad that our routine is not more rigid but we are very laid back people, we have tried with a routine and it did help but when we had the really hot weather it all went to pot but really since he went into his own room at 6months its been rubbish. I just want him to be happy in his own room! xx

please don't feel bad. I have been made to feel awful about how I parent Gabe by my 'friends'. They all go thru it I think. Gabe's always been a brilliant sleeper but the last few nights he's woke up wanting to come in my bed for a snuggle. I couldnt settle him last night so I just gave in. I think you have to judge the situation. When I'm still up I will generally let Gabe cry it out for a few mins cos sometimes he cries and then goes back to sleep but if he won't stop crying I will go in and try to settle him then leave him 5 mins again, but if he won't stop after about 10 minutes I will give in and go to bed & put him in with me lol. If he wakes in night crying then he goes in with me anyway as my night's sleep is very precious to me !! I don't disagree with Controlled crying I think you have to do what is right for you, I have used CC at times inc. for tonight's bed time as Gabe was in a real temper & over tired, he did fall asleep after about 15 minutes. But I would say usually I am far too lazy to do CC! Do what is best for you hun and don't feel you HAVE to do CC if you do not want to. Charlie will grow out of sleeping in your bed, how many 18 year old boys share a bed with their mummy?! That's right - none

Hey hun,

Afew weeks ago my Summer started to scream at bedtimes and she wudnt settle unless we stayed in room and stroked her. Then wenever we moved away she wud scream. Someone on here suggested cc and l spoke to hubby about it and we tryed it for one night and l sat in living room in tears. So we decided not to do it. So we just gave her little cuddles and shushed her and now shes back to her normal routine. And she will go off to sleep on her own.

X

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Well..none that will admit it to their mates

dont feel bad babe . as the others have said you do what you want to do. i waited a long time to get my daisy and i do what i have to do . she comes into our bed every single night at some point and its fine.I cant nor do i want to see my little girl crying alone after waking. i leave her for a min to see if she re settles and i trry and reattle her but if she is perssistantly crying and standing up in cot she comes in with us. iots no drama in fact we love it. i sleep MUCH better when shes in with us as im not waking every hour no night is the same. i may not have another child and i am enjoying every minute of her. i dont really care how other people bring their babies up but i hate to hear of people feeling that they are not doing the ,right' thing there is no right way. i will add though i nearly went off my head when daisy was 4 months old listening to other peoples views on my bed time situation and trying to keep her in her cot all night. nothing worked .every baby is different you do what works for you. im a hairdresser and the main topic of conversation is is daisy sleeping better. id say 50 % of my clients took or take their babies to bed with them at some point , so its normall!!!! oh and when daisy hit 12 months she did improve as she grew out of her reflux which helped and now at 16 months she can go till 3 or 4 some nights. it will get better i promise in the mean time enjoy!!!!

dont feel bad babe . as the others have said you do what you want to do. i waited a long time to get my daisy and i do what i have to do . she comes into our bed every single night at some point and its fine.I cant nor do i want to see my little girl crying alone after waking. i leave her for a min to see if she re settles and i trry and reattle her but if she is perssistantly crying and standing up in cot she comes in with us. iots no drama in fact we love it. i sleep MUCH better when shes in with us as im not waking every hour no night is the same. i may not have another child and i am enjoying every minute of her. i dont really care how other people bring their babies up but i hate to hear of people feeling that they are not doing the ,right' thing there is no right way. i will add though i nearly went off my head when daisy was 4 months old listening to other peoples views on my bed time situation and trying to keep her in her cot all night. nothing worked .every baby is different you do what works for you. im a hairdresser and the main topic of conversation is is daisy sleeping better. id say 50 % of my clients took or take their babies to bed with them at some point , so its normall!!!! oh and when daisy hit 12 months she did improve as she grew out of her reflux which helped and now at 16 months she can go till 3 or 4 some nights. it will get better i promise in the mean time enjoy!!!!

aww thanks girls, i feel so much better now. Cuddles is it then,lol!! Tigerlily your comment did make me laugh!xx

lol, Gabe did it again last night...I really don't mind but oh doesn't like it and he is off work tonight so Gabe will have to go in his cot. How do the rest of you fit a bub/toddler, yourself and OH into a double bed?! I know we couldn't - Gabe takes up sooo much space and always kicks me in the back!!!

I am lucky that neither of my two would sleep with us if we offered They both come in with us when they wake up in the morning and even in a king size bed I always end up hanging off the end of the bed while MIllie and Barney fight over the middle and oh stays asleep on his side I'd get no sleep at all if they decided to sleep in our bed

You have to do what feels right for you hun. We have to leave Barney to cry normally if he wakes up because he HATES being cuddled/rocked to sleep and just fights and struggles if you try to comfort him. Fortunately he is very affectionate in the day, but there are occasional nights when he wakes up and I wish I could fetch him for a cuddle but I know he would hate it! What I'm trying (badly!) to say, is that if it suits you and Charlie then it is the right thing to do, ignore everyone elses opinion, they get big so quickly and cuddles are lovely!
xx

Well my lo is 9 months old & has always been a terrible sleeper! She comes into our bed cos im to soft i give in when shes crying i dont like to think of her upset! I know its probably not the right thing & i get fed up with my friends telling me i shouldnt do it but i dont care im her mum & i know whats best for her! It is a bit of a tight squeeze in the bed though i like to call it snug! xx

lol we have a king size bed but dais sometimes sleeps horizontally yeah it can be a tight squeeze but i still sleep better with her in the bed even if i do wake up with cramp sometimes cus i cant move lol xx