I still cant quite believe what happened to us on saturday :cry:
We'd come home from having a walk, and always come in and out of our house through the back. I went in to the kitchen, OH stayed in the garden playing with the boys. Luca came running in to me, then ran out again, i assumed back to Lee in the garden.
5 minutes later, Lee came in asked my why i'd opened the front door, i told him i hadnt. We went out the front to find the door open, the gate open and Luca was gone. I checked the house twice, then phoned the police in a mad panic, while Lee was out banging on doors, rounding up all our neighbours to look for him. God knows how the woman on the phone understood a word i was saying, but within 5 minutes there were 10 police cars and a helicopter in the area all searching for him. Needless to say, i was absolutely hysterical, sobbing, and begging them to just please find him. In the end the 2 officers (after turning my house upside down looking for him) allowed me to go in their car looking for him. we literally pulled out of my turning and were half a minute up the road when the officer driving stopped, reversed, and pulled in to a turning on the other side of the road, and there he was! Two men had seen him fall over in the road so had grabbed him, and were actually on the phone to the police as we pulled up. I cant even begin to describe how relieved i was! He was totally oblivious to it all, and was more interested on the cut on his knee from falling over!
I still feel sick every time i think about it, just thinking of what could have happened, which was made a million times worse by my friend, who works for the met, telling me that there must be at least one paedophile in the area for me to have got such a quick and large response. :o
I've not been sleeping, if i do get to sleep i have nightmares, i've not left the house, and while i've always had to keep tabs on Luca, i now can't bring myself to let him out of my sight. We sit in the front room, all doors are locked, and i can't even stand to let him go to play in his bedroom. I feel like such a failure, i mean what kind of mother doesnt notice that their child has managed to open the front door?
I've completely lost all my confidence

OMG!

First of all - you are not a bad mummy. This could happen to anybody. I bet it happens daily. You must not blame yourself.

The most imortants thing is that your lo is safe & well (apart from a cut knee). To him it would have been an adventure and he's no worse for wear.

Please dont be hard on yourself, you are a great mum. Try and move on from this xxxxxxxxx

aww huge big hugs hunny YOU ARE A FABULOUS MUMMY!!!! its so so easy to do i mean u only have to take ure eyes off them for one second and their gone ,and am i right in thinking luca is autistic?? so he is extra inquisitive (sp!) u genuinly thought he had gone outside with ure dh its such an easy mistake to make please dont beat ureself up hunny ....lots of love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

i am so glad you found him safe & well
I am sure it has made you scared & worried. But your are def not a bad mummy. I know this prob isnt the best advice but these things happen. As are babies grow up they are more & more active & noisy lol
We cant keep a constant eye on them....i know its hard but please dont put yourself down. you ARE a good mummy hun x

aw hun, you are not a bad mummy, it could happen to any of us! Your quick response to the situation resulted in him being found safe and well.

x

aw hun, you are not a bad mummy, it could happen to any of us! Your quick response to the situation resulted in him being found safe and well.

x

oh sweetheart

you're not a bad mummy. your reactions show how desperately you love your little boy and how much of a shock it was for you to realise that he could open the front door on his own

much as it is absolutely traumatic that it has happened to you, it does happen a lot and you mustn't beat yourself up any longer. Luca is ok, and he has not suffered anything but a bump on his knee. Don't torment yourself by thinking that it coudl have been worse. the most important thing is that it wasn't worse, and you have to move on.

don't torture yourself sweetheart x

Yes he is autistic, which just made it worse, as although he's nearly 4 he has no concept whatsoever of danger, be it from busy roads, traintracks, strangers etc. The police have said its not unusual with autistic children, and they now have all his details on record so if it should ever happen again they wont need to waste time taking details from me and can start looking. Although i dont think it will ever happen again, as he's pretty much chained to me!

Aww sweetie that must have been terrifying! Luca is ok so thats the main thing, focus on that, it could happen to anybody. A friend of my parents have an autistic son and he was forvever trying to open the door. I think in the end they put a security chain right at the top where he couldnt reach and kept it on all the time, maybe that might be an idea for peace of mind?
Your a reat mummy and i hope you move on from this soon
xxxx

omg how scary hunni. Please dont blame yourself, this could happen to anyone!!

Its not your fault!!

So glad he is ok hunni, big hugs xxxxxxxxxxx

just wanted to agree with the other ladies, your response shows that your anything but a bad mummy, your a wonderful caring mummy. If you were a bad mummy you wouldn't care that he'd got our or be so upset. It really could have happened to anyone
xxx

Oh sweetie, these things happen and you did the right thing by phonning the police straight away - thinking so quickly ensured that he was found safe and sound.

It's natural to feel freaked out after somethinglike this, and I know no one can stopyou feelinglike that, but please please please don't beat yourself up. Looking after Luca must be such hard work, and you do it so wonderfully.

I used to work at a school for children with Autism - and it is the hardest job I have ever had. I am just in awe of you, doing such a fantastic job all day every day. Please don't let one slip make you feel bad. It really could happen to anyone.

Hugs
Nx

Hon you are not a bad mum!
It can and does happen to people, on sat when the ILs were picking the kids up we all turned our back on Ollie for a second to help pack their car and he was gone, at the end of the street by the time we'd caught up to him.
They are fast, and curious which makes them even faster!

He is safe so please stop scaring yourself with what ifs or locking yourself inside - if you dont get out you'll end up with cabin fever.

Sending massive hugs

xxx

Thanks i know you're all right, i just cant stop thinking about the what ifs. Especially after what my friend said about there being a paedophile in the area, i just feel sick to my stomach.I'm now looking on rightmove for a house somewhere a bit further away, as the thought of living near to a paedophile is just horrifying. I dont think i even thanked the 2 men that did find him, i was just so pleased to see him safe i just grabbed him and didnt think of much else. Lee went and found them and thanked them after though. We normally have the porch door closed but for whatever reason it was open, and the postman had beenand not closed the gate properly behind him, so i guess Luca got out, saw the gate was open and just wandered off. He has an obsession with petrol caps on cars, so all we can think is that he was wandering from car to car playing with the petrol caps and didnt realise he'd gone so far away. The froont door is now locked and will remain that way, the back door is in the kitchen so kitchen door has been bolted. In fact the only 2 rooms he can get in to is whichever room i'm in and his bedroom. I've not even let him go to playschool this morning because i couldnt bare to have him out of my sight.

aw hun your defintly not a bad mummy..like the other have said it could happen to anyone and you did all the right things. children seem to have ways of causing mishief without realising it, the main thing is your lo is safe and home with you..times a great healer and you musnt blame yourself

x

oh hun, sending u hugs- u must have had a fright, i know that feeling u get when u turn around and ur child isnt there- ur heart jus drops to ur stomach doesnt it! glad he was found safe and well and its not ur fault. xxx

hi Lynz,

First of all, YOU ARE NOT A BAD MUMMY !! That can happen to any of us, it happened to my friend a while ago, altho luckily her front door is a bit wonky so she heard it bang and saw her lil girl running off down the drive 'going for a walk'....

Second of all, what a really nasty thing for your friend to say!! I bet that made you feel a million times better...NOT. If that were me, im sorry but id never speak to that friend again. thats an awful thing to say as it leads your mind astray and will make you paranoid and permenantly worried about his whereabouts. Quite uncalled for if you ask me....

My friend now has one of those bolt locks on the front door that you can slide up and down so she leaves the door unlocked, but with the safety bolt across so it cant be opened more than an inch or so.

Please dont blame yourself, kids are naturally inquizitive and i dont know of many children who have a fear of wandering off....they all put us to the test at times!

Just concentrate on that fact that you have him back, he's safe, well and unhurt and maybe get a book from the library about strangers etc and read it with him as it may help him to understand the concept of staying safe?? My mum works with autistic children and she finds that reading short stories helps them to remember things

xxx

OMG how terrifying for you!!!!

Can I just say that IF you WERE a bad mummy (as you say you are) then you would not have even bothered to notice that he was missing for a long time. You would have been too busy watching soaps, drinking vodka and having a fag!!! YOU DID notice very quickly that he was gone as you ARE a good mummy!!!!

I can imagine how scared you were/are and that is totally understandable. Not sure where you can get these devices but you can get something that makes a sound when a door is opened... you might relax better then if you know that he cannot get out again. Or maybe a high up dead lock that will be out of his reach????

He is safe, you found him, he is fine!!!! Try to think of the good not the bad. Your friend was out of order to scare you like that.

d xxx

Very scary!! So pleased he was found so quickly and safely and as the others have said - this does not make you a bad mum!

I'm sure your friend just wasn't thinking when they said that - but to be honest, I think you're going to be hard pushed to find an area that is completely safe for children these days. Please don't uproot your family on the off chance that your friend is right cos you might be moving for no reason. I think it's probably more a case of the police acting quickly because of it being a young child with autism and they would react that quickly anyway.

Please don't beat yourself up over this - these things happen, you and we are all only human after all and can't be glued to our children 24/7.

Give it time and you will start to relax again, although obviously you will always remember this. I remember SBJr running off in the supermarket when he was 2 - I saw him run, ran after him and when I turned the corner after him there was no sign of him anywhere! I have never been so terrified! Two women helped me look and we found him in the toy aisle sitting on the floor looking at a book This happened and I was watching him so you can't always stop them running off.

Please don't dwell on the what ifs and making yourself go insane.

Big hugs xx

you aren't a bad mummy - as the others say this could happen to anyone, please don't hate yourself!! xxx

Firstly, my lovely as I have told you before you are a FABULOUS Mummy not just to Luca but to your other 2 as well!!! So sit down, relax and try and put it all to the back of your mind!

As everyone else has said it is very easy for these things to happen and it is not anyone's 'fault' it's just life. I work in an SEN school as you know which has every precaution possibel for precisely this reason and one little girl from my class a couple of years ago still managed to get out and wander away from the school gates in the 2mins we had missed her!

I know it will be hard but you must try and relax and CERTAINLY DO NOT MOVE YOUR FAMILY just cos of your friends silly remark - what a load of shite any child missing would get that response esp one with Autism!

DO not give it another thought and give yourselves a pat on the back for getting through another day in the life of a family with a member with Autism! It is a totally different adventure to the ones the rest of us are having!!!!

YOU ARE AMAZING!