hi,

I'm 45 and have a 22 month old boy. OH and I really want to have another baby. We've been trying for over 16 months. I feel time is running out for me. On the one hand I am desperate and wondering whether to go through the expense of IVF (even though we can't afford it and it might not work anyway); and on the other hand, should I concentrate on the lovely son we already have and give up the idea of a second baby. OH and I don't talk about it much 'cos we both get upset but I know he's very keen to have another. I don't talk about it with my friends 'cos I can't cope with them asking all the time. But all this frustration is building up and up and I just have to let it out somehow.

Is there anyone on BE who's conceived naturally after 45?

What would make you stop trying to have a baby? - I hope I'm not offending anyone by asking this.

I've also put this post on "Older Mums" as I know not everyone visits all the forums.

Gina xx

Dear Gina625

I have a relative who had a baby at 43 but Cherie blair had Leo at 45 so I say don't give up just yet.

There is a test you can buy from Boots, called Fertell, that gives you an idea what the quality of your eggs is like.

I am 37 and still waiting for my first baby so I sympathise with you.

Perhaps you could go on a fertility boosting diet (it involves eating really healthily and will do no harm, even if you don't get pregnant) and taking pre-natal vitamins?

Try and focus on your son. To have him is such a precious gift and you shouldn't let the sorrow of not having another child overshadow the joy of the one you have. At the moment I'm only aiming for one baby to fill our home with noise and laughter as it seems so empty at the moment but I'm sure once I get one i'll want another too!

Hi Gina
If you are too old then so am i!!! I am 48 now but although i am having a lot of menopause symptoms now, until its all over, it isnt! If that makes sense lol.

If this helps you at all, i came off the pill at 44 and fell pg perfectly naturally aged 45 and a half. Sadly i lost that baby and havent fallen again since but i wanted to give you some hope that it can happen.

Good luck and hope this helps.

lots of love, bluebird xxxx

hello chick, not at all. Personally what I would do is go to the drs and get the initial tests done re OVing and SA and age of your eggs, I think if you were better informed that way you could make a decision EG: if all comes back with not good results and IVF is only option and too much for you then leave it, however if results are promising go for it?

Does this make sense? How long did it take to conceive number 1??

Good luck xx

I agree with Moonbean. Knowledge is power and I think finding out what the score is with your body puts you in a much better position to make an educated decision xxx

hi
Thanks for everyone's replies. Earlier this year I went to my GP and have had the day 2 and day 21 and some other blood tests, which were all normal. I am officially still ovulating. I have tried to get OH to go and get sperm tested but he's extremely reluctant. He seems to think all we need to do is more bd'ing. I know some of his friends had tried IVF and failed after many attempts and were stressed out, and he's put off. He just wants to do it "naturally". With no. 1 we tried for just a few months and tbh we were not really trying or not trying, just having fun. Now, when we are TTC, it's actually not fun any more!!

I remember when I first joined BE, and I read about other people TTC and saying bd'ing was a chore, I used to think how can it be? But now, I understand. It really is a huge pressure on both sides to perform. But having read other people's stories I think I am a bit more self aware and also aware of the potential problems that my anxiety can cause to my marriage.

Still, I cannot stop my biological clock from ticking away. Part of me has this silly thought that if I pretend to give up, then I would suddenly get a BFP because life just seems to mess you around sometimes.

On the same vein Gina I put all the maternity clothes (that I bought on ebay last year when I thought I'd be pg quickly LOL) in the loft the other day as they were taking up valuable wardrobe room but I'm hoping that sods law means that I'll have to get them back again soon!!
Good luck, I'm 40 and have been trying diy donor AI for 19 months now. Part of me too wonders if I should just be grateful for my healthy daughter but I'd so like her to have a sibling and so I'm going to persevere a while longer.
I wonder if you can't persuade your oh to have a SA as your eggs are aging when the problem, if there is one, could be him and easily sorted.
Good luck honey.
Helen.xxx

Im G/Cing so pleased feel free to tell me to get lost as i dont know what im talking about.

From all i have read i think you should stop 'trying' and enjoy your DS. From experience i think the more you obsess about ttc the harder it is to fall pg. You say you fell fairly easily when you were enjoying sex, but now your bding its become a chore. So i think you should concentrate on all the positives in your life and hopefully the BFP will fall into place.

Good luck

xxDBxx

I agree with doublebubble, although i understand that its easier said than done. xxxx

I do think that stress has a lot to do with it as last month when I fell pregnant i was probably the least stressed about it for the last year, however tests revealed that there was a problem with oh sa and we fell pg with ds in 1 month and were not trying to conceive so things can change, secondary fertility is very common, more common than people think and is often overlooked because it is assumed there is no problem as you already have a child, does your oh smoke or drink red bull?? This is what my hubby stopped and then we fell pg?

Good luck whatever you decide

Hi Gina,

Sorry to hear you're feeling abit blue about things.

Just a thought - and probably an obvious one - are you bding every day - if you think there's a problem with his swimmers - try every 3 days - or at least every 2 - let them build up a bit in between bding sessions.

Also maybe look at diet and vitamins etc - maybe those might help you both? I know bluebird knows of some good books to read!

And just to let you know - my bf's mum had her last baby when she was 47!!!

Take care.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX