Some of you may have read my distress at finding out my best friend is pregnant with a guy she has only been seeing for 2 months. This was hard enough when she came to me for advice but I supported her fully and talked to her about everything.

She has now spoken to her partner and they have decided to have a termination!!!

I dont know which is worse, having to what her go through pregnancy when it should be me or now having to console her through her termination when I want to have a baby so badly!

I dont know how I feel right now, i personally wouldnt have a termination (apart from if something grim had happened to me that got me pg like rape) becasue I know it would never be for me. However I dont preach, I believe people have to do what is right for them and in some circumstances can understand why someone would choose this option, I would never condem anyone for it.

However she herself had a miscarriage a 18 mths ago with her previous partner and was ttc with him after that but it never happened. This wasnt a bad thing as he was an **** and they split up just before xmas. She hadnt bothered to go back on the pill when she met her new bloke and had apparently convinced herself she couldnt get pregnant, so why when given such a precious gift would you choose not to have it!!! I just think she has been incredibly stupid and I know she will find things hard after the termination becasue she really does want a baby.
This is really the wrong time with her only just having met her new man and she was made redundant earlier this yr and has only just managed to get another steady job, she is in debt up to her eyeballs and is currently living with her mum until she sorts her finances out and her blokes job is not secure either. So I do understand why they have come to this descion.
But I do feel angry, she was stupid enough and nieve enough to sleep with him with out any protection and now she has made her bed she has to lie in it. I know I will find it hard to support her desicion but we have been friends for a very long time. I also think when I do get pg this will be a cloud hanging over it where she is concerned because obviously it will remind her of what she could have had!!

No need to reply really just needed to get this off my chest. I guess all of these feelings are hightened by the fact we are having fertility treatment and she just gets up the duff at the drop of a hat and dont even want it!!! It all so unfair!! I know we all feel similarly with regard to the unjustness in the world!

(Gosh sorry for the long post, well done for reading it all)

aw chick my god to be torn between wanting to support your friend, wanting to give her a good slap and wanting your own wee baby, your head must be turned

No 1@ like you say it is her decision, she does not sound like she is a good place in her life and what may be the right decision for her may not be for the likes of us
No: 2: although they have 'agreed' it because of her history re baby making she may not decide to go through with

and most importantly

No 3: I forbide you to let any sort of cloud hang over you if you get pregnant, this may sound harsh but tough shit on her, her decisions and actions are nothing to do with you and if you do get pregnant you sing it from the hills mrs and dont let any thing prevent you from doing it, I know if she is a good friend she wouldn't want you to either as you are having a rough journey yourself. Your pg will be nothing to do with her and she iwll make the choice so she will have to deal with it herself.

I am with you each to their own and have a friend who had an abortion many years ago and do not judge her at all ut was at the same time I was pregnant with my son, she does feel it but would never want me to have a 'cloud' so to speak over my pg etc etc.

I hope to see you in due in March very soon chick, big big kisses to you as this must be very difficult for you xx

Thank you moonbean you are right in everything you say. We will have to just see how things go from here.
To top things off last night me and dh had a silly argument, we were both just grumpy, but we needed to bd and now im worried we missed ov. Will see soon i have my scan in an hour

I agree that it is so unfair that those who are not ready for kids, not in a good position to look after them or are darn right unsuitable to care for them fall pregnant at the drop of a hat.

It makes my blood boil when we go out and see the government sponsored 'baby making machines' who are invariably shouting at their kids, whacking them and smoking when pregnant. I recently lost a baby and as we walked out of the maternity unit without him there were pregnant women smoking outside. I wanted to punch them.

I have strayed from the point but whilst I understand how unfair it is that your friend has got into this position I feel very sorry for her too. This must have been a hard decision but she does not feel like she can give this baby the best start.

You both have tough times ahead and you can support each other. True friends are priceless and if she is a really good friend you will make each other stronger and will share many happy times again in the future, hopefully you will be mummies together soon.

I hope that your treatment is successful and look forward to hearing good news from you soon.

Hun i know where your coming from, i have a friend who was only trying for a few months and was doing coke every weekend and never stopped while trying. I care about this friend alot, but ive come to the stage where ive had to step back because of it.
As others have said your head must be going around in circles.
As Moonbean is spot on dont let it worry you when you get pregnant, this is not your doing what she has got herself into xx

Oh Looby I have been in pretty much the exact same situation although I wasn't ttc at the time, just really really wanted a baby. It was so hard but even though your friend has been silly she will need your support. I found it easier to concentrate on her and try and not to compare your situations (I know this is hard) Big hugs to you and hope you have good news yourself very soon. x

aw looby the stress does get to you at times me and the other half have had loads of arguments due to the stress of it all, good luck with your scan, although you should have had it by now LOL, hope there is a wee egg ready to pop for some bd tonight mwah mwah

Hmmmmm......It's a difficult one isn't it.

I know that all of us in this forum would give our right arms to be pregnant so cannot comprehend someone not wanting to have a child. However I still believe it is her right to choose what happens in her life.

You sound a lovely person and am sure you will support her whatever she decides. If she is a good friend to you then she will throw her arms around you when you are pregnant and be happy for you. x

Thanks ladies I think you have all touched on some truths there.
I do not blame her for her descion and think she is going to find it hard, and although I feel angry with her for being silly enough to land herself in this situation when she could have prevented it, I will not let this show and will be nothing but supportive to her. I know this wont be easy for her. Luckily her oh is being very supportive too.
I just hope she is ok. I dont really feel that bad about it all now and have kind of seperated her situation from mine as they are so very different. I am dealing with my situation I feel quite well and still feel quite optimistic about it all so I feel I will be able to be there for her and hopefully help her out.