Hello, im new here. Not sure why ive joined or if this will help but heres my story....
After recently getting married we decided to try for a baby, I fell pregnant first time, i couldnt believe it! Was so so happy and had my life all planned out! After what seemed like forever the appointment came through for the 12 week scan May 22nd. We were so excited that we were going to see our baby for the first time!
The image appeared on the screen but there was no sound ?? I wondered why and then she explained... " I'm so sorry there is no heart beat ". My baby had died at 8 weeks 5 days. I was devastated!
I was given the choice of allowing nature to take its course or having the ERPC. I opted for the ERPC as i was terrified of what i might see during the natural process. It took a week before they could get me in. I couldnt believe that i was expected to go home and wait that long knowing my baby was dead inside me!
I am still really struggling to make sense of all this? I have rarely been outside the house since as i have been suffering with panic attacks which the doc has prescribed Diazepam.
I have nightmares about the procedure (ERPC) and what my baby looked like after being removed from me. I have even searched the net for images of abortions etc. How twisted is that!!! As the procedure used is the same as in abortions i feel like ive been made to have an abortion??!!
I blame my work too as they put me through a very stressful incident, the following day i had light bleeding. The doc had told me not to worry as it was not red blood but the date that my baby died was the day following the incident at work. How am i supposed to go back knowing that?
I feel so lost, keep searching the net for things to buy to cheer me up but nothing works.
The doc sent me for counseling, when i got there it was a drop in centre for unplanned pregnancies/ post abortion stress and sexual health issues!!! I just burst into tears!!! Why would he send me there?!
To top it all i received a letter today from the hospital to inform me that because i am blood group Rhesus Neg i need to have the Anti D to protect my unborn baby!!!!
I just feel tortured!!!!
Any advice would be great...dont know where to go or what to do.
xxx

[Modified by: faces92 on 30 June 2009 13:59:44 ]

Hi,
You have come to the right place! The girls on this forum that have suffered mc's and eptopics are lovely. I had a mmc in april and like you I found out at my scan. I had no symptoms so it was a complete shock. I also opted for an erpc because of all the same reasons as you.
My baby also died at 8 weeks at like you I worked out the date and wished I hadn't. The date they gave me would have been Mothers Day. They only guess the date from the baby's size and they might have been wrong. You can't think about it! Everything will go through your head but in time it will get a bit better. Mine was only 2 months ago and I still cry alot but it is getting easier to cope withon 'good days' I just find some situations hard - like i have alot of pregnant friends cos I am a SAHM and my son is 20 months so all my mummy mates are pregnant with second children like I was. I have had 2 periods now so we are ttc again. I feel I need to get pregnant again to get over it - although I know I will be so nervous when I get pregnant again.
The other girls will be along soon to offer their support.
Big hugs x

Hi Hun,

Im really sorry to hear your loss. As above you have come to the right place there are lots of us who have been through similar experiences & we all comfort & support eachother.

I had a mmc in early Jan & still find it hard esp as our due date is coming up, we've also just had another early mc.

Time does heal hun you need to be kind to yourself & talk to your dh if you can about how you both feel & have lots of cuddles.

I also contacted the miscarriage association when I came out of hospital they sent some info packs I found them really helpful & could understand my feelings & worries were perfectly normal after this kind of loss.
You need to allow yourself to greive & dont punish or blame yourself.

You will never forget your baby but the pain does get easier with time.

Take care sweetheart & sending you lots of hugs xxxx

Hun, I feel so much for you, to have to go through the trauma you have along with the things that have happened since with the doc and the letter.

The girls on this forum are so lovely and I know they have given me so much strength over the last 5/6 weeks and I hope we can do the same for you too.

My MC was 5.5 weeks ago and I am just finding my feet and not putting on the 'brave face' or anything now and can talk more openly about it and I have my down days but this forum has def given me so much strength it has to be said.

I had similar to you as in got the letter for the 12 week scan the week after my MC and that knocked me for 6, so then I knew the date of when the scan would be :-( Weirdly though on the day of the scan thats when my AF decided to come which did upset me but tried to turn it into a positive and see it as a sign.....well anything to get me through the day :-)

The old cliche time ia great healer is very true - you will grieve and its natural and you'll have up and down days but it will get better, though like us you will never forget your little angel.

Take care, come here for support as much as you want and sending you lots of hugs xxxx

Hi, like many of the girls here, i can relate to what you are going through. I discovered i was pregnant after almost completing the adoption process. after 5 years of trying for a baby we had given up all hope. i found out i was pregnant just before easter and totally loved every second of being pregnant. even the sickness!!. when i found out on may 1st that our beloved baby had died, we were devastated.
Now two months on, i still think of it all the time. especially since two girls at work are due when i was. i found it helped to plant a pink rosebush as we believed the baby to be a girl. it would have been called holly as it was due just before christmas. i found a holly bush called angel and planted that too. now we are left wonderugn if it will happen again and praying it will.

all i can advise is that you take your time. you can drive yourself insane thinking of ways you could have prevented your mmc. you have to try your best to make your peace with it but its something you will learn to live with. sending lots of hugs and understanding. best wishes x x

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I lost one baby at 9+4 and another at 22+5 and it is so hard.

It doesn't help that our hormones are all over the place when this happens. We all grieve differently and this time around i'm grieving much more openly. When I had my first miscarriage I felt very ashamed and felt i'd let my husband down. i felt like I didn't want people's sympathy or pity and went back to work very quickly. Luckily I got pregnant again straight away and that helped but now i'm back to square one. This time I want everyone to know what happened and am taking great comfort from the kind messages we've received from people who are genuinely upset at our loss too.

My advice is let out the tears and grieve. My husband and i are inseparable and are trying to make sure we are sharing our feelings and crying together. Whilst we can't bring our son back we love him so much we are allowing ourselves to grieve for him this time. We find it comforting to think that he is looking down on us and looking after us. That way he is always with us.

One think that gives me comfort is that as my MIL says my son is safe and loved.

You might find it helpful to call Tommys the Baby Charity or the Miscarriage association to talk things through.

Hopefully you will fall pregnant again soon and you can at least feel optimistic that you did not struggle to get pregnant the first time. It took me 10 months the first time, one month the second so I'd be happy with 5 months next time.

Take care and feel free to vent your frustration here any time as so many of us have been through this and even if we can't help we can listen.

Hi

I found out i had a missed miscarriage on thursday, then had a d&c/erpc on friday. I should have been 10 + 6 today. Bubs stopped growing at 9 weeks. I too feel lost.

People have been saying to me-don't worry you will get pregnant again etc but i am sad because this baby has died-not because i am worried about not getting pregnant again- if that makes sense.

I know in time i will be able to accept what has happened but what is making it harder for me is that my older sister is also pregnant- she is/was 2 weeks ahead of me. so for every milestone she reaches will bring up the memories of the baby i lost.

Also as it is the first grandchild for our family, i know family friends will all be so excited for her (as I am) and i know many will be questioning when i will be starting a family as i am just recently married.

I'm not sure whether to be brutally honest when people ask and say that i misscarried or just lie and say hopefully soon.

I know i am rambling but i just have so many thoughts and questions in my head.

xx