Hi Girls,

I've not really been on here since Dec time. I had a mmc in Nov/Dec which went on and on and ended up with me having an erpc. The whole experience as you all know is just the worst thing ever. My hubby and i got married in April this year so had this to focus on, it was the best day of our lives, i'd do it all again tomorrow if i could :) Anyway, we've been ttc since about March time and you guessed it, we got a bfp on Wednesday. We are over the moon BUT i'm so scared....so scared that i don't really know how i feel if that makes sense, i'm ecstatically happy but not.....

We're desperate for a baby and this is what we def want but i feel as though i can't relax. I'm only 4+3 today and did a couple of hpt's to make sure. I'm going to see my doc this coming thursday to ask him to refer me for an early scan but with all the waiting and everything, this freaks me out even more.....i can't imagine how i'm gonna feel when i eventually get my scan as i'm sure i'll have to wait until i'm about 7 weeks and will just be thinking we won't see a heartbeat like before.

Not sure if i'm even making sense as my whole life since my mmc has focused on getting preg again but now i'm just so scared as don't think i could cope with anything going wrong. I know i can't do anything about any of this, i just wish i could relax. My hubby is away until late monday night, i guess i just need him here with me as he always makes me feel better. My mum's been here this weekend but we've decided not to tell anyone for ages, just in case. I'm sure some of you remember that my mum wasn't exactly over the moon when i told her i was preg last time cos we were geting married, she said she wanted us to enjoy our day so we should move the wedding etc....there was no way we were gonna do this but as it happened, didn't need to do anything due to mmc....My relationship with my mum has def suffered as a consequence of her behaviour so def don't want to even tell her our news.

Thanks for listening, just needed to get it off my chest xx

[Modified by: Sohappy!!! on 09 July 2009 17:28:05 ]

Hello sweetie, just wanted to say huge congrats on your wedding and a BFP! What a lovely couple of months. I know you will be scared and there's absolutely nothing I can say to take that away; you don't want to get excited about being pregnant in case it all get's taken away from you again, but on the other hand it's all you dreamed of. It is such a hard time and the days and weeks seem to go by so slowly, I can totally sympathise and truly hope you manage to relax just a little and enjoy the next 9 months. Just because things have gone wrong once, it dosn't mean they will again and I think you have to cling on to that thought and don't let your past experience take the shine off your pregnancy.

After 3 previous mcs and bleeding in this pregnancy, I was a nervous wreck for the first 20 weeks or so, but looking back, i really wished I could've enjoyed it more and made the most of every minute. it's so hard to do, but that's all the advice I can give, think positive, be positive and relax and enjoy as much as you can.

Good luck flower and keep us posted xxxx

Hi,
Congratulations on your recent BFP. I have had 2 MMC since Oct 08 and currently pregnant with number 3. I too was/am a nervous wreck, but have tried to get a bit of a grip of myself as I will drive myself crazy. I went to hypnotherapy to try to learn to relax and how to clear my mind. I also tried to live with the philosophy that until someone told me it was over I had to stay positve for the babys sake. We also paid for private scans in the first trimester to keep us sane.
We had our NHS dating scan last week and were given the all clear. I had promised myself once I got passed 12 wks I would relax. But I am finding I am still haunted by the last 2 MC. It is really hard but you will get there. Just try to be as positve as you can. All the best hun.
Lilou x

Thanks so much for your replies slippers and lilou, i'm so lucky that people on here really understand where i'm coming from. I'm a natural worry person anyway but this is just gonna make me worse.

I've decided now, thanks to the 2 of you that i'm gonna try and be more positive about my pregnancy and try and enjoy it as its what we've wanted for so long. Like you say lilou, if i don't do this, i'd be driving myself insane and prob my dear hubby!!! Think i'll just mention it to the dr on thursday to see if he can advise me of anything that might help, did the hypnotherapy work for you lilou? I've heard that accupuncture is good but i don't really know much about alternative therapies.

Slippers i know you're right by saying that just because of last time doesn't automatically mean this time will go wrong but....just in the back of my mind i have those awful, scary thoughts...

Anyway, yes time to move forward for the sake of all of us, mine, my hubbys, our little bean and all of your ears!!!!

Thanks for all your well wishes, i feel ever so slightly better. I'd also like to wish both of you the best in the rest of your pregnancies, thanks for sharing too, its much appreciated xxx

Sweetie you are welcome, I hope I didn't sound too harsh, I was a complete mess when I was at your early stages and even fainted on the way to a scan cos i was so hyped up, so I promise I know what you're going through. You're doing the right thing in talking to your docs and investigating ways to relax. Use every bit of help offered and open to you, I used to play chill out music to myself and the bean every night in the bath. it was just my half an hour of trying to be calm and positive (sometimes sit worked sometimes it didn't!!)

I know nothing we can say will help you to relax but I truly hope this is the magic bean for you and that all will be absolutely fine. And if you are worried, then come on here and tell us, yu need all the support you can get and the ladies on here are a godsend! xx

Hiya,

Firstly congrats on the wedding and a BFP!

I had an mmc back in Feb, I was 10 weeks but the baby had died at 6 weeks. Anyway, I am 4 weeks exactly today...and a nervous wreck! I keep getting twinges and period like cramps. Every time I go to the loo I am convinced AF is going to turn up.

My DH has been so good. He said to me that we should get excited and feel positive about it, because if the worst happened and our bean was taken away, we would at least have enjoyed it while it lasted. So that is what I am trying to do!

Anyway, I wish you all the best hun. Have a big (hug) from me!

Love,
Edie xxx

Hi girls,

Slippers, no you weren't too harsh at all - its what i needed to hear so thank you xx Am still trying to relax but sometimes just coming on here makes me nervous when i read things, god, what am i like? I might try your tip of having a "me time" everyday when perhaps i play music or do something to relax, thats a good idea. Gosh, yes you sound like you really do understand how i feel, i just hope i won't be fainting, lol. How many weeks are you now if you don't mind me asking?

Hi Edie, thanks for the congrats :) Its so hard to stay positive i know how you feel. Every little twinge etc...i'm the same as you, despite doing 3 tests now i keep thinking af is gonna come, its so silly cos i'm like clockwork and i know deep down that she would have come by now if she was coming, 3 hpt's can't lie!! I too was 10 weeks when my mmc was diagnosed but our bean hadn't grown since 6 weeks either - how strange. I think you dh is right about enjoying it actually for those very reasons. My dh is away but will be home tomorrow night, i've missed him so much and i know he'll make me feel better and prob say what you dh has said. Thanks for the hug, (()) hugging you back, you take care too xxx

I love you ladies for keeping me sane xxx

hi hun, congrats on your bfp

remember every pregnancy is different, this is my 4th, i had two boys and fell completely by accident last year, unfortunately i lost the bean in october, and it being a molar i wasnt allowed to ttc till id had 6 months testing with the hospital,

i found out i was pregnant the week i was due to give birth to my lost star,

im now nearing the magic 12 weeks, but still everyday i wonder if everything is ok, ive not been sick as much as i was with the boys, just very nauseuos at night, but i wasnt sick at all with the lost one,

im bleating on, what i want to say is, take each day as it comes, treating each one as a milestone, enjoy the little secret you and huubby have, cos as soon as you tell everyone that belly becomes public property! be positive, things will be ok, and enjoy every moment, even the sicky ones good luck

x
em
11+3

Well said em, you are so right about the little secret. It is like a wee miracle thats happening inside that no one knows about and no one can see!!

Gemm x
8+6

Thanks girls, em thats so weird too, we found out on Weds this week that i am preg again, that was my due date of our little one that we lost - it was a very strange day all around!!!

gemm, you're right, it is a miracle so i've got absolutely everything crossed that this will be a sticky bean as other than the twinges and no af, i've not had any other symptoms as yet. Last time i had the same twinges and sore boobs - we'll see x

Hi love. I too had a mmc at 10 weeks (bean left at 7wks) last October. It was a tough 6 months that followed and then we finally fell pg again in Feb. I too worried throughout my first trimester but managed to not let it take over me, and certainly not let it overshadow my happiness. You have every right to feel happy about this one, and to feel positive that history won't repeat itself. If the unfortunate should happen then deal with it then, it will do you (or your little one) no good to worry yourself over nothing in the unlikely event it will go wrong. I know....easier said than done, but take control of your fears, allow yourself to imagine that beautiful baby in your arms right after you delivery in 9 months time!

As a precaution I did take things really easy throughout my first trimester. I loved to exercise but I gave this up as a precaution. Even though it was not the reason Id had a mmc, I just wanted to allow my little one to settle in to the womb with me. Im not saying you need to completely wrap yourself in cotton wool, but it helped me to feel reassured that I was doing everything I could (e.g. walking away from any stressful situation at work or in my personal life) and treated my body as an absolute temple! Like we always deserve to be treated!! I was able to allow myself to feel a lot more positive and believe everything would be ok this time round. Im now 20+5 and going strong.

There will always be moments, but when they arise be in control of them. Many a time I went to the loo, I had a momentary uncontrolled fear when I wiped but then I made sure I would follow with a controlled happiness.

You have a received a wonderful gift and now you can enjoy it. Relaxation music sounds like a great idea, as are alternative therapies. Im sure you will find something right for you to hold on to. Before you know it the 1st trimester will be a distant memory and you will have a gorgeous growing bump, with a beautiful child to follow

xx

Thanks sim75, god you girls are so good for me right now as i do feel very supported by all of you so thank you ((())).

Talking of exercise, i religiously do a step class and a tums n bum one every week but said to dh that they might not be a good idea at the mo, its a shame as i LOVE my step class - its on tmoro, am gonna ask my dr on thurs but think maybe i'll give it a miss for a couple of weeks - what do you think girlies?? i just don't want to become unfit but its about finding the right balance i guess. I'd happily give up everything if i could be promised that this little bean will be ok but thats not possible to know i know.

I agree sim, maybe i should take it a bit easy as i went shopping today (dh is away until tmoro so went to stock up on food for when he's back) and was thinking about all the lifting and carrying that i was doing as normally i have dh to help!!! Just doing "normal" things is getting me thinking too much if you know what i mean...anyway, i'll try to visualise and hold on to what will hopefully be, gotta go to bed now as working tmoro

Thanks again xxx

Its really up to you how you feel about exercise. If you have the energy then go for it. The only thing is you dont want to put extra strain on tummy muscles. I would maybe give the bums and tums a miss but keep up the step. The docs say that if you did something before then keep it up, but take it easy. I do a dance class, which im still doing. When i was pg with my first son i was dancing until 23 weeks until i felt it too much, and i def hope to continue as long as poss this time.

Speak to your doc, but it prob wont do any harm to continue, and it wont make a difference to give it a miss for a week or two.

Gemm x
9 wks

Thanks gemm, i didn't go to step tonight as i'm just not sure. Gonna ask dr on thurs so thought i'd give it a miss until i've had some advice x

Quite right. Im being super fit at the moment. im sitting watching tennis eating a chinese!!! much more enjoyable than exercise

It definately is a personal choice and one made easier if you are already active. Paula Ratcliffe ran a marathon when pregnant. Though you should def speak to your doc first before doing anything. Some things you can continue but just need to modify. So your step class may be ok but you may have to take away the steps or just use 1 instead of 2 or 3 each side. As you get further along it becomes more difficult to balance too! But this is a gradual thing and you just need to listen to your body.

Definately no tummy work or twisting around the middle at all though. I went back to yoga and now do pilates as well but skip all the core work and do a modification or something completely different - like birth preparing excercises to open my pelvis - when everyone else continues as normal!

A lot of the books and research say not to let your heartbeat exceed 140bpm, or don't excercise to the point where you become out of breath. If you are already fit then this is less likely to be a problem but its worth monitoring your heart rate as you dont want to overheat. You overheat = baby overheating.

I like Gemms suggestion of eating chinese and watching the tennis! Only Im annoyed that the tennis has interrupted Eastenders tonight !!

x

It was on bbc 2 if you turned over. Im peeing myself over the tennis, im going on thur and fri and am a Murray fan!! Sooo exciting!!!!!

Gemm x

oh, thanks ladies for the advice, will let you know how i get on at the drs as would really like to do some kind of exercise. I only use 1 block each side of my step box so yeah, maybe i can sort something out although it is an advanced class. My dh is back tonight at some point - i'll ask him what he thinks too.

i'm so jealous as i LOVE chinese!!!

Enjoy the tennis gemm, my work colleague was there on Friday and today, bet she was bloody boiling - be careful in the sun won't you xxx

Hi hun sorry to crash this thread as im not actually pregnant yet but i just wanted to say congratulations on your wedding and your pregnancy. I had a mmc last year and we have started trying again and you summed up how i think i will feel when we concieve again!

The other girls have given fantastic advice so listen to them, i will be taking note when its my time too!

Hugs xxx

Hi MrsTIL,

Thanks hun, just wanted to wish you good luck with ttc - it can all be so stressful but try to enjoy the bd'ing xxx

Hi Ladies,

Just a quick update. Went to see my dr on Thurs, he has recommended to air on the side of caution and that i perhaps skip my 2 classes as they both include core work on the abs which should def be avoided and are quite high impact so could damage my joints etc..

He did say however that i can exercise but perhaps do activites such as cycling and swimming. Dh and i are gonna go cycling in a mo as the weather is still nice and i'm gonna see how i feel. Also gonna just use the equipment in the gym so i can still have a fairly good all over workout but this way i can decide about the "impact" if that makes sense. Dr also said to only perhaps work to 75% instead of 100% - i think he just wants me to take it easy really as he could see how worried i was. He has already referred me to the mw's which is good and they phoned me yesterday to say they will arrange my early scan in the next 2 weeks as well as an appt to see them so they can offer early support.

Overall i feel a lot better and am trying not to worry as much, my dh is keeping me sane although i'm probably making him insane, ha!! On the relaxation front, have just been chilling out in the evenings after work which seems to be working.

Thanks so much to all of you for your continued support, it means everything - take care everyone and look after yourselves xxx

ps gemm - we had chinese last night and it was very nice, yummy!!

SH 5+3