OMG i am sat in my office laughing out loud!! It has also scared me a little of what is to come!! Keep them coming! lol lol lol

Sxx
28+0

heehee.

hubbie only told me this story the other day.....

i had a haemorrage after the birth due to the placenta failing to deliver. i couldnt see what was going on but could feel it all.

anyway hubbie was holding baby while docs and midwifes were working away to control the bleeding and deliver the placenta. hubbie saw two very large red lumps come out of me and panicked and asked the midwifes 'what the *uck are they*. midwifes replied dont worry there blood clots. hubbie said 'thank *uck for that i thought they were her kidneys'

made me fall about laughing when he told me as id heard none of this. dont think id have found it funny at the time though.

OH MY GOD SOOO FUNNY

my best mate told me she was telling every one she was dieing on her gas and air . her mw had to say no ur not ur in labour !! tee hee

i was in the bath in my hospital room totally out of it on gas and air and remember tellin my oh that i felt like i was in a fish tank!!!

xxx

lol oh im so glad im not the only one, when i was haveing my 1st daughter the midwife kept puttin her fingers up my lulu (soz ladies) and i was getting really peed of with it as she kept makeing a point of doing it so i told her if she dint pi** of and get her fingers outta my ladie bits (the words were more grafic then that) that id chuck her out the f**kin window lol, i also told them i wanted to push and they said the baby wont be here till at least lunch time the nxt day bearing in mind this was 2am, the midwife said oh u dont need to push yet its jus pressure blah blah i said to her i want to f**kin ush and my baby is cuming now so she had a look and said u are 10cm's i was like hmmmm that told you.

the worst part about it is she was a friend of my mums haha i did apoligise to her for my languge tho..
im now expecting no 2 and hopeing this labour will be a bit more relaxed.

donna 17+5 x

These are so funny, reminds me of the better bits of my labour when i had dd no 2.

I had to wait for a room to become available and i was induced so i was on labour ward which had 3 other beds in and pregnant ladies of all different stages coming in and out all afternoon and night-i was having very painful contractions and kept trying to stop myself from crying out loud or screaming because i didn't want to scare the pregnant ladies on the ward!

Once i got into my own room i went straight on gas and air (love it) and just started giggling and couldn't stop for about half hour! My MIL, my dad and hubby thought it was halirious! I was in so much pain but just kept laughing even when i had the gas and air tube in my mouth!

I couldn't stop eating (was oposite with 1st dd)-i was just so hungry so inbetween contractions my dad was passing me bits of toast, i had the gas and air tube in one hand and toast in the other! My dad took the toast off me while i had a contraction and once it had stopped i just put my hand out and he gave it back to me lol! I was trying to eat as much as i could inbetween contractions!
Things slowed up for about 2 hours so i made hubby go out and get me mcdonalds but when he got back with it the midwife told me not to eat to much and so they all sat eating there burgers and i could only have few chips-i was hoping for a burger, milkshake and mcflurry!!

lol keep them coming sooo funny

BUMP!

I have had 5 kids so I should be awash with funny tales.

Nothing to report on 1st as she was a vaginal breech...took 100 days (not really) and I was drugged to eyeballs. However a week before she came I was shopping with my mum and had really severe pains that had me doubled over the trolley. As baby was breech I was told to come in when I was worried at all. We went to the hosp and my lovely consultant was called to see me.
Mr Toop...Hi Denise, can you describe to me where you got the pains
Me.....OOhhhh yes, it was at the new Tesco Superstore.
Mr Toop and various staff in the room......roll around the floor laughing
Me...what????
Mr Toop..I meant, where on your body did you get the pains
Me....blushing.....ohhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

No 2... can't think of anything there either really!!!!

No 3... I had him in a private hospital as we now live in Bahrain. It was full and I was admitted to the Royal Families private suite. My waters had broken and the mw sent me to get a gown on and told me to leave my pants off. I walked from the bathroom across this lush cream carpet and my waters really went...blood and pinky water all over this expensive carpet...strangley enough they soon found a room on the labour ward......
When I finally delivered him (he was back to back) I just kept saying..its my son, my son, my son....the mw was like..errr yeah its a boy well done. I kept saying it and getting more and more aggressive. In the end I shouted....I know its a fu**ing boy, I am saying he looks like my other son.... its him all over again
No 4...he was fast and furious... 2 and half hours from start to finish. The hosp wanted to see our hospital card before they would open the doors (it was 4am) I had left it at home in our haste. I picked up a nearby traffic cone and said ...open this door or I will smash it with this you stupid bast***!!!! That got their attention. I was screaming the ward down as they pushed me to a room. The mw was a bit terse with me and asked if I could keep it down as ladies were sleeping I replied very politiely.....'No I fu**ing cant' she then examined me and I was 9cm and she could see the head. She was like..Oh I see, sorry about that Denise, go ahead and scream all you want' Charlie came out a huge 9lb 4oz a little later.

Amelia, my last was not funny at all as she was an emeg c section due to heamorraging with placenta previa. However, when they put my spinal in and started to work on me I kept telling them that they had left my right leg up in a bent position. They kept tellling me that they hadn't but I was not convinced. also, when he test sprayed with me with the cold spray to see if i could feel anything I told him I could (even tho i couldnt) he had only done a spinal as we were waiting for the neonatologist and he did not want to proceed without her as I was only 35 weeks. She arrived during this and he said, right thats it you have to have GA then.... I was like,, ohh do it again...ahh I did not feel that time...hee hee...

d xxx

When in labour with my son I apparently asked the midwife and anesthetist whether the hospital still sent their laundry to Holland lol. Also I ended up having a ventouse and when I'd pushed out the head I asked DH what colour hair he had to which he replied "I dunno he has a sucker on his head!"

Berly....that is sooo funny. Your poor OH must have been so scared to see you deliver your 2 kidneys...

d xx

hubbie must have thought id exploded internally. probably thinking OMG whats going to come out of there next!!!

hmmmm how long have you got lol

when i had my daughter 2 years ago i was off my head on gas and air, the doc came in to give me my epidural and i was saying to him, ive just seen you on a big red bus on the way over here, he was like yeh ok hayley.

then when i had my son 6 months ago i was wreacked again on gas and air but this time my mouth and hands went in to spazm, so when i was asking for a drink my lips were stuck together and pointed out like a ducks beak, hubby thought it was so funny he neally weed himself, im glad he seen the funny side of it coz at the time i never lol then when this doc came in to give me epidural to take me to theater, i was doing his head in saying i know you, you done my epidural last time, he was like no i havent been here long, i was saying yes you have dont lie to me, ohhhh the shame, hope it doesnt have this time with baby no3, lol x