I normally post in ttc forum the ladies there have been a great suppot too me these weeks, but felt like I needed to post here for a chat.

It's nearing the date when our 1st baby would've been due, 3 weeks time. I've been feeling really upset thinking about it, what do you ladies do apart from have a cry to try & move on from here.

Also recently my af was over a week late, I had done some tests that were showing vry faint lines turning more pink just as the time to read the test was up, I had about 5 tests like this then last week they went to -ve, not even a hint of a line. I felt very much the same symptom wise as I didn with my last pg.

My doc said last week that I probably was pg, she wasnt worried about the tests being evap or anything just that the hcg wasnt strong enough but thought that there may of been a problem with the pg. I started to bleed on Sat, it's been heavy, painful & had some large clots (sorry tmi) so she has said today that she thinks im having a vry early mc.

She's refering me back to gynae as I have a history of endo & this could be causing a problem carrying.

So an early mc 3 weeks before our due date of our 1st baby, I dont know what to do with myself, my head hurts I feel sick & numb.

Thanks for listening xxx

aww, laujai, I'm not surprised you feel so down and emotional, I would too if I were in your shoes. It must be hard enough coming up to due date, but to have to go thro the pain of another early mc (no matter how 'early') must just make it so raw. I don't think there's anytihng more I can say except be strong, I'm thinking of you.
As for moving on, how about doing something by marking the due date, say by planting a tree/plant of some sort or going to a special place and writing a letter to your babys?

Take care of yourself xx

Thanks Starry_eyed, im just feeing really drained this week, I had tried not to get my hopes up about this time as the tests were so faint to start with, but you always have hope dont you, I thought i'd be pg by the time the due date came round. Im just a bit worried that I will have a problem carrying to full term.

That's a really nice idea, thank you hun I think it may help, thank you xxx

Hey Laujai, its a lot to go through at an emotional time as it is without a very MC on top........just wanted to send you a massive ((hug)) as not sure what to say for the best really.

I like Starry_eyed's idea for something to plant to remember your lost angels and my mum had suggested that to me when I had my MC 4 weeks ago so I had somehting to nuture/look after and something I could sit in the garden and look at and remember (but we live in rented so will wait til we get our own place, hopefully before the due date in Jan!)

You have to have hope, its what keeps us going and hopefully the docs might be able to get to the bottom of it for you and hopefully there'll be no problems.

Thinking of you - hope you're OK hunny xxxx

Thanks Radkad,

We live in a rented flat as well, that's such a lovely idea the way your mum has put it is lovely. Im sure things will be fine, I just dont normally feel so down in the dumps. Thank you hun & sending you a big hug too xxx

Laujai, just saw this, hope you are feeling a bit better today. Sorry I can't offer any more useful advice but I'm sure you are not alone in feeling like this. xxx

laujai.

(((hugs))) i wish i could give you a real hug.....im so sorry.

im dreading october when our little bean would have been born,i will take a few days offf around that time and i have told hubby that i want us to go out for lunch and buy a balloon to realease at the top of the south downs,then i can have a good cry and him too.

im so sorry that this little bean isnt a sticky one,also that it has taken this for you to get help from the people that can at the hospital.

onwards and upwards lovey....we will all get our dream come true.......ALL of us .

xxxxx

Hope you're OK hun - thank-you for my hug, sending you one back xxx
I like the thought of the tree or a plant I really do - though I am not green fingered but least something like a tree or a shrub shouldn't need too much work and can grow as time goes on to give you, if you decide too, (and me when I do it) somewhere to go to sit and think and stuff!!!
xxxx

Thanks ladies,

Our baby wouldnt have been due until 14th July but the run up to the date has been hard & were not even there yet I think this early mc/chem got me thinking. I really thought we'd be pg by the time the date came round. Im staying positive that the endo isnt back, I havent really got any symptoms but sometimes it doesnt display any. I like the balloon idea too clare I think I may do both. xxx

Hey hun,
Least as you say keep positive that the endo isn't back as far as you know and I do think the MC would have just got you thinking more than perhaps you would have earlier than the 14th.......sending you lots of PMA and you're time will come hunny (its what I keep telling myself too xx)

Hope you're OK xxx

Thank you Radkad, your so sweet. I am normally very positive & full of pma, I know once this time passes I'll be back on form.

Thanks again hun for being so nice you never know we may end up being bump buddies very soon xxx

Hi girls

There are always going to be ups and downs but with time there are less downs, I promise you. Just remember in the meantime that when there is a down...an up always follows.

I lost my little one back in October and it was an absolutely devastating time. My husband and I let off a lantern one night and I cried and cried until I could see it no more up in the sky. It was emotional, but at the same time it was a great release that I needed to have.

But I was still in search of "something". Finally, I found a beautiful silver charm to put on my bracelet. I found it in Debenhams. It is a little angel medallion and on the outside are the words in German that translate to "God is always watching over you". When the shop assistant told me what it meant I burst into tears and knew it was exactly what I needed as it meant I could look at it any time I wanted and know that my little one was being watched over and looked after. I finally fell pregnant again in February and I firmly believe that the one Im now carrying is the one I lost back in October, as spiritually they can often come back again and Ive also had contact in a spiritual reading. I held on to this thought and every day before and after finding out that I was pg again, I felt such a warmth to have the angel charm so close to me every day. I want to pass this on to my daughter-to-be down the track as it is a special symbol that I want to keep forever and it is a special bond that we now have.

I just wanted to share this with you as it may be something that can help you too. The charm only cost me £10 or less but it is worth a million or more to me. It's something you can wear on a bracelet or a necklace and its always with you.

xx

You'll be back to your normal PMA very soon I am sure hun.
Arr would be lovely to be bump buddies - well you just never know :-)

Sim75 - that's such a lovely post, I welled up!!!
The charm sounds gorgeous and exactly just the right thing for you - like it was a sign!!!
Started believing in signs lately!

I love the lantern idea - we wanted to do this in Sri Lanka on our wedding day but not sure they knew what we wanted, so hubby and I still want to release one - so think I may investigate buying one for us to release for our little angel.

Wishing you a happy healthy pregnancy xx

Hi Sim75 & Radkad,

The charm sounds lovely, I had been looking for a braclet or necklace not long after the mmc. And it was funny cause as I was looking for one & my oh came home with a print out of a tiffany necklace similar to what I was looking for but when I went to see it, it wasnt the one. Im still looking for something I can wear all the time in memory of my little one.

I feel much better today more positive, I would like to have a reading but it's finding someone you trust. My oh & his friend were talking to a lady in the pub of all places last fri who does readings & she said to my oh that she saw a baby that we had lost or something along those lines.

I know one day we will have a healthy baby I was just naive & thought it would happen really quickly & then having this early mc just played with my emotions cause I just expected the test line to get stronger with each day that passed but it didnt!!!.

Thank you ladies for all your kind words of support it has really helped me this week.
xxxx

Glad you're feeling more positive hun - it will be OK and you will have your own little bubs soon.......xxxxx

Plus also you'll know the piece of jewellery when you see it and you know it will be just right for your little angels

Very strange about OH and the lady in the pub!!! I want to go and see one but I am scared it will be a bit of a washout then I'll feel more down about things - oh well what will be will be!

Hope you're OK hunny xxxx

I do beleive in things like that, but would only go & see someone on recomendation, just to be on the safe side!!.

I am feeling much better hun, thanks, hope your good too. Were just having a much more relaxed approach no opks or cbfm & I must admit I love it I feel like the pressure is off a bit, so then it will be a nice surprise when it does happen. Take care sweetie xxx

Hi laujai,

We've not spoken before but just wanted to post to say take care of yourselves. I really hope you find some comfort - try to keep your chin up for what the future holds, glad you are feeling a bit better (((hugs)))

Also glad you are feeling a bit better today.

Like radkad says, you will just know the right piece of jewellery, or other memento, when you see it. I am a firm believer in signs... it may well just find you.

As for readings, definately go with someone you can trust or has been recommended by someone who has been themselves. When I realised it was something I needed to search for, it all came to me so I knew it was a sign. I thought of asking my yoga teacher if she knew of someone and she actually does them herself! Ive since had 3 readings from her and so have 2 of my friends. She was based in London but has now moved to Corfu. She does do online readings although personally I prefer to be present. She is back in London for a few days now and then. If you are on Facebook here is a group she set up and you can get her contact details. She may also be able to help you find someone closer to you, you never know. But like I said these things usually find you..

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/group.php?gid=29647510976&ref=nf

Having my readings certainly helped me to understand not only this loss but one before it 10 years ago. A lot of things in my life started to make sense around the whole baby stuff and it was very comforting to be able to understand it all and move on finally.

I hope you receive a sign soon, you will know it when you do! xx

Thanks ladies, and thanks for that link Sims, I will have a look.
I just feel it's so comforting knowing there are so many women who understand how you feel form time to time.

Im gona plan to do something nice on the due date, maybe say a few words or a little prayer for our baba & release a balloon.

Thank you so much again for all your comforting words I feel so much stronger for when that date comes around xxxx

That's what we're here for and glad you're feeling better hun.
Love the balloon/poem idea on your other thread - its really lovely and I think I'll be doing the balloon idea come Jan! Its such a nice thought to do that.
xx