Hi Girls,
Well the title says it all really. I've not said it to anyone because it makes it real if i say it out loud.
My and DH have been together 6 years, married after 3, baby 6 months later, now baby is 18 months. We've been rowing more than normal with the baby, but just differing opinions on things. He is a briliant dad, and my son wants for nothing.
But he's so damn stubborn ( as am I), and we've been arguning over really silly stuff. Like thw washing up. I work the same ours as he does (some weeks more), but I'm also raising a child and running a house. e says he helps me with the housework, but I cannot see that he does as much as I. He does do laundry, but has never dusted, and very rarely hoovers. That falls to me. I also do the cooking, AND the washing up.
Which is how yesterdays big row came about. I bought, prepared and cooked a roast for 5 people (we had guests for dinner), and then got so annoyed with having to wash up too, and him thinking it's ok. It went from bad to worse with insults being thrown, admittedly from both sides. I tried to compromise, but he was all take take take while I was doing all the giving. Everything I asked him to do in the compromise, he had an excuse to not do.
I'm really reaching the end of my tether. I'm not sure how much further I can go with this.
Would appreciate any opinions, my "side" OR his, doesn't matter.
Thanks x

Hmmm, thats a hard one !

If you take out the housework issues are you and your partner still happy? If so then you just need to find a way to sort this out. I once stopped doing everything in the house, only when there were no dishes, dinner, and a dirty house did my oh realise that I did a heck of a lot in the house. When he asked why I said "oh I was too tired" hint hint !!!

I dont really know what to suggest but just didnt want to read and run as I know you must be going round in circles in your head.

My advice, get a cleaner. Honestly we have just employed one and its made the world of difference. I too do not understand why if i work and look after the kids and cook tea, I should be responsible for cleaning the house as well, i wouldnt mind if i didnt work but i do. You should both pay for it, and if you cook tea he should wash up, (or buy a dishwasher we dont have one either but its next on my list, then dh can fill and empty it)

I dont know if there is more to it than just housework so just commenting on what you have written, but I am a believer in trying to work things out first. and boy is it hard sometimes lol

xxDBxx

i agree with doublebubble. Try to work it out if the only real problems are housepwork and hos inability to see how hard you work not only in your job but as a mum and then also around the house.

I like the idea of leaving things to teach a lesson. I did that to my DH with his work clothes and football kit. He doesn't wash them, dry them etc. i told him that this was fine so long as all his laundry went into the laundty hamper, that i would not pick them up off the floor or rumage in his kit bag. Did he do that...of course not. So i would just kick his work clothes into pile, day after day and he ended up with 4 gym bags bursting with dirty kit. Finally when he nothing left to wear he asked me what was going on. So i told him. He pretty quickly realised i was not going to put up with that shite. He occasionlly slips up and forgets for a couple of days, but quickly sorts himself out.

Have a rational conversation about it all and hopefully things will improve. Its got to be worked at and he has to work at it too.

all the best
x

Hi MrsV,
I'm sorry your finding it hard at the moment. I hope you can work it out. We are always here for you if you ever need to have a proper rant and vent some frustration.
xx
Baby_Princess

Hi there,

I felt the same and seriously considered leaving. I was doing EVERYTHING and had 2 children under 2 and hubby wouldn't even change nappies.
I ended up telling him we were going and he was SO surprised. Which I thought was mad cos I felt sure he felt the same. He really didn't realise despite me ranting and raging about him not helping.
Now I say 'will you take the bins out/hoover/pick up the kids' rather than can you as that seems to work better. I also stay very calm and think does it really matter if it isn't done right away. Think if they were brought up by a Mum that does everything they expect you to be wonderwoman!
Have a chat and see if it improves. Book a babysitter and go out as well. Let someone else cook for you and have a glass of wine. You will probably see what you saw pre-baby and things will look rosier.
If it is any help to know things are better than ever now that I speak up rather than just getting on with it cos nobody else will do the washing etc!
Good luck x

Thanks for all your replys ladies. I love the idea of a cleaner, but unfortunately, we may be looking at a redundancy with DHs job soon, which obviously adds to stresses!
After a frosty day Monday, we eventually came to a solution to suit both of us. Whomever settles our son, the other will wash up. We will share the cooking so that whomever is off work will do it. That will be me mostly, but it's ok because he'll be helping a little more around the house. To be fair, he does do the gardening, and our garden is more like a field-it's HUGE!!!
I do also have very high standards-in all aspects of my life, and I think maybe I've been a bit unfair expecting him (and everyone else) to live up to them... Think I need to relax a little and just enjoy family life rather than worrying about insignificant things!!
Mrs V x