Well, today I had another interview for a school I have always really wanted to work at and what a suprise I didn't get it again! My 3rd interview in a month and yet another no! Again this time they said I was an excellent candidate but they had to choose the person who would fit there best I am totally gutted and have been in tears most of the evening! At the first of these 3 interviews I was told I had an excellent interview but there were people with more experience than me - should be positive I heard you say but it made me feel shit as there is nothing I can do to get more experience except wait a few years! The other interview was back at the school I currently have a 2 day contract with (but am on secondment elsewhere) for a full time post - there were 4 full time posts and 5 of us interviewed all internal and I missed out - they gave me feedback and the head of the governors said to me 'when i interviewed you 4 years ago you were so full of enthusiasm and we saw none of that today what's happened' and I just wanted to scream at her that 'this school happened'. I went there part way throuhg my 2nd year of teaching brimming with entusiasm and excitement and they totally shattered my confidence and everything else and I didn't want to be back there full time feeling like shite and I am sure that's why I had a shit interview.

BUT all I want is to give max a little bro or sis and preferably before he is 3 but it was TOTALLY wrong thet I signed a permenant part tiem contract - yes mine and hubbies bad decision but it's the one we made - we can't manage with my wage only 2 days to pay the mortgage, bills food etc never mind ANYTHING else certainly no way I could be on 2day maternity pay so there is no way we can ttc before I havefound something else and got it and worked long enought for maternity rights etc.

I just feel like I have totally failed everyone, me (cos I can't have the next child I want) hubby (cos he now feels he should be earning more to support me) and Max cos if I don't find something full tiem before Sept we won't be ablet o keep a roof over his head never mind give him a sibling)

Sorry for the ramble but I feel poo!

oh no charli - poor you. haven't finished reading your post yet - will reply again in a minute.

please don't feel trapped - when its right to have another one it will be right for you and the money won't seem like an issue. I know some have had second lo's or are expecting second ones but theres no rush. You're part time so while Max is young you get to spend a lot of time with him - having lots of money would make life a lot easier but it won't ever replace the time you get to spend with him so don't feel its a mistake - me and my hubby are in the same boat - we feel like we've made decisions that were the wrong ones regarding money and work but we made decisions based on what we wanted at the time for the boys and although its harder than we ever imagined i still hope it will be worth it in the end.

the reason you didn't get the job at the school where you work now is because that school sucks. they don't recognise you as the amazing person you are while you work for them so they're not going to recognise it an interview. i don't think that the job was for you - there is something out there waiting for you,
I'm really sorry you didn't get the other job though. don't see it as a permanent set back if you'd got a job there and then had another baby straight away it may have made you feel obliged to go back sooner or full-time when this might not be what you want after you have your second baby.
have you thought about trying to get another part-time job that fits in with what you do now? it would give you greater flexibilty for picking and choosing what you want to go back to after your second baby.
can you get advise from citizens advice regarding your mortgage payments?
wish i could give you a big hug x

I feel really bad for you, im sorry. I agree with all that Jules has said about the shitty school not recognizing you for what you are, and about there being no rush for next baby, so i wont repeat. Hope you can get things slowly sorted one at a time so you dont feel so bogged down. Thinking of you xxx

Hey hun, sending a huge hug your way. Really sorry to hear you are feeling so low. I am a big believer in things happening for a reason so the jobs that you haven't got wouldn't have been right for you. Try and stay positive as it sounds like you are fantastic at what you do so I am sure it is only a matter of time before something perfect comes along for you.

As Jules said money isn't everything when it comes to having a second baby, but I understand you need to have the basics covered. Don't put too much pressure on yourself time wise for having another though, it will happen when it will happen.

Maybe ask the places you have had interviews with for more detailed feedback to help you understand why you have been rejected? It may be that it was very very close so don't be too hard on yourself.

Take care hun xxx

The girls have said it all...and I second them.
Have you thought of doing supply nearby?? You could leave a business card at local schools or register with an agency and state you wanted days with advance notice so you can sort Max out with childcare. Pay's good and that would mean you can keep the 2 days and have more money coming in, yet still look at other positions. We've employed a couple of ppl coming in on supply permanently as they've been so good.
Pls don't feel shitty about yourself. And don't give up. The right job's out there for you, just keep looking.
Hope you're feeling better today x

Thanks for all your replies they put a smile back on my face.

Typically max woke at 4.40 the next morning so I was totally knackered and tearful the whole of the next day too!

Dunno if any of you have seen any of my posts on baby but more plans are afoot! So I am generally grinning from ear to ear for now anyway!

sorry you had a crappy day too but i am intrigued about whats posted on baby so will have to have a look-see! x

blimey! plotting - i like it....

Look on 'baby' couldn't find it ... what plans!!! Glad you're smiling again:\)

oh my god wrote massive reply and lost it arrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh x

big hugs - everyone has already said sensible things so I'll agree with them (especially as i'm feeling rubbish and my brain isn't working properly)

Much sympathy on being too skint for no 2 - we are the same - there is no way we can afford another one which sucks

Hope things work out with your plotting
xx

Erm think ive read this one too late, sorry you've been feeling down but really hoping your plotting is still raising the spirits and all in all you're feeling much happier in life. Take care

Hows things charli? hows the plotting going???!