Hi

Well last night we told my mum and dad about the baby. I knew it probably wouldn't go down to well because i am not married to my OH yet we were due to get married next july 2010. My mum said she wasn't happy and my dad didn't say much. Then my mum went to bed without saying goodbye night or anything i was gutted. This morning i have got a text from here saying how could i do this to them and they are both heartbroken. That i hope i have a nice life beacuse she won't be in it anymore and get someone else to pay for my wedding if i bother getting married at all. Basicly she hates me thinks i'm the lowest of the low. I'm so upset i haven't stopped crying all morning my mum won't answer my calls and dad is at work. I'm devestated, i can't live without my mum in my life we are so close and i just don't know what to do.

I very sad girl today :(

xxx

Update

Well my dad has been to see me this afternoon and been talking. He said he is dissapointed still not sure why though was a big shock etc. I did explain to him that i am 28 in a stable realtionship have a house. He said we hadn't really thought it through because i'm getting married next year and only have a one bedroom house. Yes true we do its a big bedroom though and could if we wanted be split into two. and yes i am getting married next year but what has changed there? He thinks we should have waited. I explained i can't help how i feel about wanting a child i've been longing for a child for over a year and if i have to wait untill after the wedding and then wait to get another house i could be waiting a life time. Then he went on about money and what will i do when i go back to work. So i said i would have to geta child minder. What else does he excpect me to do? i can't not work and he said well thats more money. Humm so i went on about how i have got a good carrer behind me i went to uni for 4 years and i have a house. Then went on about how would they have liked it if i had got married when i was 17 or 21 like my mum and dad did the first time round? he said he understood that.
My Mum still doesn't want to speak to me at the moment as she is angry at what i ahve done and even though she loves me she can't face talking to me. She said she has put a lot of money and time into the wedding and i have ruined it. Although i can't see why i have ruined i just because there will be a child there. So not sure how i stand with that one at the moment.
I told my dad about the message my mum said and how hurtful it was and that she would need to apoligise for that aswell. I may have hurt her but she has hurt me too. What a drama. So slight development. Sorry its long

Thanks xxx
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Well my mums been to see me today at last. She just said 'Why didn't we wait till after we got married next year and got a bigger house.'She still isn't happy and said she was in in shocka nd doesn't know me anymore. She said i would be the last person she though would have a child before i got married. Said the house is too small (its one bedroom) and how would we save up now we haver a child. She said she was very upset and so was my dad and went over the same thing over and over again. I didn't really have a chance to say much to be honest. I'm still upset how she has reacted. She said if we had had done it after we got married next year she would have been different. So it seems it all comes down to marriage and the fact that we should have got abigger house first. So i'm still lost still not very happy about it all, although i love my parents very much. xx

[Modified by: Tigger08 on 01 April 2009 14:37:50 ]

[Modified by: Tigger08 on 09 April 2009 16:18:09 ]

[Modified by: Tigger08 on 09 April 2009 17:30:38 ]

Oh sweetheart so sorry to hear this.

Why have your parents reacted so very strongly? Is it due to religious beliefs etc?

I think this is a shock for you and your parents, fingers crossed that when the news sinks in and they realise that they would be missing out on a beautiful grandchild they might come round a little.

Sending you a big, fat virtual hug xxx

Thanks for you reply i need support today. I don't know why mym mums reacted this badly i think they just don't agree in having children before your married and that i'm degrading myself by doing it. I hope she comes round and yeah it would be her first grandchild.

Thanks xxxx

Oh hunny, I'm afraid I think your mum is bang out of order. It's not like you've got pregnant from a one night stand (although that is hardly the end of the world) you are in a stable, commited relationship. Not even having the decency to speak to you but sending a text is really low as well. The only thing that matters is that you and your oh are happy about the baby. Hopefully in time your mum will come round to see that it's fantastic news but if not you really have to see it as her loss as she is the one who will miss out.
Big hugs xxxx

I respect that some believe that children outside of marriage isn't the 'right' thing to do but this is an old fashioned belief now with modern society.

I hope that when the shock wears off, your mum and dad will realise that this is so important, its their first grandchild! Its a special time. I can't say anything to make you feel better hun but please try to not get stressed, it wouldn't be good for your baby.

Little side story, my mums mum didn't agree with her getting together with my Dad. They were married first and had my older sister, it was when she was here that my mums mum started talking to her again, she was the first grandchild. When this little person arrives I don't think your parents could stay away.

Fingers crossed they can get over this sooner rather than later xxx

I hope so to just didn't think her reaction was going to be this bad. I will have to cancel my wedding as we can't afford to pay for it and save up again and i really wanted my baby to have my parents in its life i hope everything sorts out soon.
xxxx

Hayley xx

Hey,

I'm so sorry your parents have reacted like this.

My parents behaviour was very similar, they wouldn't talk to me and mum wrote me a letter to say how dissapointed she was in me and that I had ruined my life (I was at the time engaged to my now husband). They were in shock for a long time but enentually came round to the idea and now my mum can't bare to be apart from our son, who is now 8 months old.

I so hope for you that they come round, parents are supposed to be supportive and i understand why you are so hurt

Caz
xx

Hi Caz you sound like you have gone through the same thing i can imagine my mum would write me a letter like that. I don't understand why it would ruin your life it will change your life but not ruin but i guess my mum will say this too. I hjope my mum and dad come round to idea. Thanksxxxx

I suppose i just let them get on with it and then they approached me when they realised what they would be missing out on. You have your oh to support you and a lovely little bubby coming don't let anything ruin what is supposed to be a wonderful time in your life :)

XX

Thanks nice to talk on here and to people who have had the same experiences xx

Hi Tigger08, I'm so sorry for you, that must have been devastating! Give them time - I am sure it is just a shock for them and they will come round. There are very few grandparents who stay angry and miss out on their grandchildren!

I am not by any means suggesting that you should do this, but I know of a girl in exactly your situation who had a quickie wedding whilst pregnant as her parents were so horrified their first grandchild would be born 'out of wedlock'! Her way of looking at it was they were going to get married anyway, may as well do it now!

I really hope it works out for you xx

thanks for all the support and replies its lovely xx just hope she does calm down xx

Sometimes this happens - and its heartbreaking, Your precious baby is your priority now. Mum and Dad will come round to the idea, I promise you. God bless you. Enjoy every second of your pregnancy, its a beautiful time xx

hi

thanks for all your lovely kind words and advice. I am still in shock what has happened and still can't get over what the reaction was. Told OH parents last night and they were over the moon and then OH told his mates and they were so happy so kind of made up for it. But i would havem loved my folks to have reacted in the same way.
Thanks girls xxxx

Hi hun

l just read thru your thread and lm so sorry your folks reacted like that. Hope things get sorted. Just enjoy your pregnancy and good luck with eveything.

Hugs Naz
X

Honestly, It sounds like your parents are still trying to control your life & by getting pregnant you have deviated from their plans for you. Personally I would play it very cool, if you give in to them & be the one to apologise (and you have nothing to be sorry for imo) then they will have control over you again & this will be the pattern for the rest of your life. Sorry but I read this & was horrified at the mind control they are trying to exhibit over you (and sorry if this is out of line, it isn't intended to be but I am being brutally honest).

You are a grown women, soon to be a mother & wife & your parents must be made aware that they are not in charge of your life. If they want to be petty & not part of your precious childs life over something so trival then it will ultimately be their loss as they wont be teaching the baby anything positive with their attitude.

Hi Tigger

I'm so sorry to hear how your parents reacted, especially your mum. What a complete downer it's put on your fantastic news!

I'm sure your parents will come around but, IMHO, i think it's important that THEY have to be the ones to come around. You have done nothing wrong, you have nothing to be sorry about or ashamed of or anything! Heavens, you're a grown-up independent woman in a loving relationship, not some gymslip mum after a one-night fling!

I think you have done what you can. You have stated your case, you have behaved maturely about the whole situation yet at the same time showing your mum how much you love her and how important she is to you. You really can't do much more than that hunny. It's up to her now.

For what it's worth, i'm positive they will both come around. I don't know their beliefs, which are their business, but they seem to feel they are more bothered about their image rather than you. That their image has been tarnished by ......... shock horror ................... an unmarried pregnant daughter! Oh lord, the nerve of it all. The embarrassment! The looks your family will get as they walk down the street!

Sorry, didn't mean to offend - more my attempt at light-hearted black humour! I think your mum is worried about things that are not likely to happen but it was an over-the-top reaction. I am positive she will come around and see that your life has not fallen to pieces and that you are coping marvellously and maturely with life. Then, it will actually gradually dawn on her that she will have a tiny little grandchild and that she will be a grandmother/nanna. She will see what a wonderful thing this is.

As i said above, whilst i think she'll come around, i do think you need to let her do it. don't go chasing and pressuring her. You've done nothing wrong but you've let her know how incredibly upset you are over all this. I think that's all you should do. The comment by another forum member about your parents controlling you is quite revealing and i think to continually go running back to your mum for her "forgiveness" is the wrong move. She knows you're upset, but she must realise you are your own person and will not come running and begging on your knees. It is your mum who must do that. i do think she is finding it hard to let go of the apron strings but she has to otherwise she'll lose you.

I hope i haven't offended you - god knows, my family isn't perfect and i really don't know of anyone that is. Being pregnant is such a miraculous and i'm sorry your mum has put a downer on it. I've conceived eventually after 6 years and am so estatic about it! the circumstances are crap though .............. my partner sold his house last year (i was living with my parents after a divorce) and we found a new house. Because we were expecting it to complete after a month or so, he didn't rent but stayed on various friend's settees till it went through. Well, SEVEN MONTHS LATER we still haven't completed!! i am still squashed in my parent's house with no room for my partner who is still kipping on settees and we can't rent because we keep getting told the house will complete "any day now"!!!! I'm 36, pregnant and living with my parents!!! Really not how i figured i'd end up!!!

But, the most important thing in the world is my baby. My partner is with me, we will have a house eventually (honestly!) and that is all i care about in the whole wide world! your priorities just change.

I truly hope it all works out between you and mum and send lots of love and hugs that it will. In the meantime, try not to stress and revell in the fabulous fact that are growing a little human bean all of your own!

xxx

Im sorry about all this sweety, I was nearly crying when I read this...telling you she spent a lot of money on the wedding might mean that she was excited about that and you being PG threw a spanner into the works??

Personally, we havent told OHs family yet but, if they reacted in this way, I would have told them to F off and if they didnt apologise, when the baby was born, I would tell them that they didnt seem interested when I was PG so whats the big deal now? But thats just me...plus..I put myself in your shoes and thought about how I would be if my mum said that to me and I can just imagine how hollow it feels...but if it helps...Congratulations and I hope everything goes fine.

Elope to gretna green and really piss them off I say!!! xx

Hiya hon

My friend had this exact same situation, although in her case it was her dad as her mum died years ago. She was with her long term partner and got pregnant and her dad was absolutely disgusted. He is Irish Catholic so his belief system about babies before marriage was a huge issue to him.

They went on to have their daughter and although the dad would barely speak to my friend's oh, he adored the baby. They got married when the baby was nearly one and they had her christened at the same time and the dad said there was no way he was going to attend the wedding as it was a sham etc etc. The day before the wedding, after causing immense pain and distress he decided he would go after all, although he did not take part in it in terms of speeches, walking her down the aisle etc - he was literally there as any other guest.

Nowadays, 14 years on and you would never know there had been any issues - he adores his two grandchildren, has an excellent relationship with my friend and her husband etc. It did take a couple of years for him to get over himself, but when that baby arrived, it made all the difference. I really hope the same happens for you.

And a HUGE congratulations on your pg and your baby! Try not to let your parents dampen your excitement.xx

Honestly you are a grown woman and if that was my mum I would nto speak to her again. Why are you letting her treat you like this? Somewhere deep down you must think you deserve it and you don't! You seem like a lovely woman who could easily love and take care of your baby and if your mum has a problem then you need to tell her to just pee off. The fact you are trying so hard for her acceptance is only feeding her power trip. I am sorry but I might be a heartless B but as far as I see it you are a grown up and she needs to butt out.

i bet your mom will not be able to resist your lovely baby - and will be round every day - as soon as the bubba arrives...

baby announcements do strange things to people.
my sister didn't talk to me until she was pregnant too.
i ruined her life by having my 1st....

now she is my best mate again.

when she gets used to it she will be on the front row of your wedding - holding her grandchild... bet ya!

xxx

Tiggs,

I saw this on the Index page. I know you haven't updated since April so I'm guessing all is good with your mum now? In your 'scan update' you mention that your mum was reassuring you so does that mean that all is well now? I hope so hun xxx

Hi

Thanks Girls for all the support its been a great help. My mum is talking to me now she was the one who came to me though as i said many times before i was so upset and my OH was aswell. Then my OH went into hospital for gallbladder op emergency one and my mum and dad ralleyed round us very quickly. I stayed there for a while and thinks have been fine since. Still get the odd niggle like still think you should have waited but i just ignore it now i dont care i'm soing whats right for me not anyone else xxx

Sounds like your mom thinks the baby is going to ruin her 'special wedding' or is worried what are people are going to think. A baby does not ruin anything, it's a special, wonderful event and she is going to regret it not being part of it. I got married 2 weeks before I had my daughter and it was great. She has to realize your a educated adult and will do things differently than her and back off.