hey Just needed to vent a bit,
I have jus been told i have PND i thought it would just go away so i ignored it, i feel so bad coz i feel angry towards my lo as soon as he even moans, been crying and i feel so overwhelmed so easliy. And i also feel i should be able to do it all on my own the housework rory me making dinner. Myhv has said to chill out and rest during the day but i find it hard, and that she isnt surprised that i have it as the birth of my son was quite traumatic and it has put me off having kids i had shoudler dystocia and then rory went into shock and wasnt breathing, and was kept in the special care baby unit for a week, then they day after we got out of the hospital my partners dad died, Since then i have been being strong for my oh and i miss him so much when he is at work,.
I was quite ashamed as i didnt realise alot f women get pnd and now that everyone knows i get worried that they are all looking at me when im with rory and thinking that im not capable. I know its probly extreme but i have irashional thoughts sometimes think its just the tiredness, but i just feel this immense pressure special with the families keeping it even in seeing my mum and oh mum (as she has just lost her husband) , and i know that when i see themnow they are gonna talk about it nd keep asking me how i feel and say over and over again that i need to ask for help but i dont want too! i want to not talk about it unless its my oh or hv my mum bless her i only trying to help but will push for me to talk about my feelings when im not in the mood too! And as for my oh nan i dont think she likes me much she only ever directs questions or general convosation to mike(oh) and when i put a dummy in lo mouth he spat it out coz i out it in upside down and she said realy loudly to everyone else 'oh he hates that dummy he really doesnt like it' and makes general comments or tries to support his head when i take him from her as if im gonna let his head flop about, its not like im gonna make him have a dummy if he dont want it. and it felt like she was underminding me. and she has never ever come round to my house when my OH isnt home and she has obv found out i have pnd and just turned up without calling me first and walkede in and sat down i was notin a great mood and in the middle of feeding rory so i didnt offer her a cuppa tea or anything because i wanted her to leave i felt like i was being checked up on it was so random!
Anyways i am trying so hard to get over this on my own without pills atm unless i really need them i do just feel crazy at the moment, i just had that on my mind sorry to bore you all!
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