Hi, I'm 19 and I have a 13 week old son named Daniel. He is the most perfect little thing and I love being a Mummy. The only problem is that people treat me like I'm not capable because I am 19. At first I thought I was just paranoid, but my partner (who is 10 years older to make things worse lol) and my MIL have also noticed it. It all started when I very first went to the Doc when I found out I was pregnant and they asked if I had thought about a termination!!! Talk about making assumptions. We had been TTC for 6 months. Then whilst I was pregnant the first question almost everyone asked was "was it an accident?". HOW RUDE!!! and then at my 6 week check the doctor tried to make me go on the pill saying "I'm sure you don't want any more accidents". It's so tiring (and embarressing) to have to set all these people straight!!! My own mother even said to me that I should have kept my 'legs crossed'. Finally, whenever I take Daniel to the baby clinic, alot (not all) of the older mums blank me or just give a "yes" or "no" if i try to make conversations. It makes me feel like I have done a bad thing by having a baby (on purpose) and I just think people need to stop stereotyping the whole universe and take people for who they are.

Sorry for the rant but I need to get it off my chest!

Would love to know if anyone else hase the same or similar problem and just want to chat really!

Hannah and Gorgeous Dan x

hi,firstly congratulations on the birth of your gorgeoues son. i am sure you are doing a fab job on bringing up your son. i was 19 when i fell pregnant with my daughter (altho she was a surprise) and im 23 now and married. before i got married everybody including my parents treated me like i didnt have a clue and the only advice is to either say something witty back or ignore them. the more adult thing to do is ignore them,they are only looking for a reaction. i found that walking away and not saying a word to people was the best thing to do but once i was stopped by an old lady and she said "what are you doing with a baby? hope shes not yours!" to which i replied "oh my goodness,how do you expect children to grow up with manners and be poilet when people like you go around talking to people you dont know like that." then i walked off.
anyway unfortunaly its something you may have to get use to. all i get now is "when are you going to have another one" so basically its just people sticking their noses in where they are not wanted.

Lol I had the same 'old lady' problem whilst I was pregnant! Silly stuck up mare started saying how shameful it was because i'm not married... I had to be polite because I was serving her in the bar of the hotel where i work so I politly told her that society has changed and that I have nothing to be ashamed of!
My mum was a bit useless when it came to support.... she kept telling me and my partner that I would get PNDepression and went mad at me when after a week I decided to bottle feed rather than breast. I didn't really appreciate that because the only time i felt depressed was when she was around. so my cool calm shy boyfriend decided to get angry (never known him like that and in 3 years that is the only time i have ever heard him shout!) anyway, it did the trick!
We are getting married on the 18th October and now she is busy worrying about that lol grrrr... mothers!!!!
so... when are you having another one?!?!?
H xxx

hiya
im 19 and have 2 children the 1st ellese wasnt planned i was 15 when i concived n 16 when i had her was goin threw very rebelious stadge but my second was planned felicity she 8weeks now and i have it all the while expecially with 2 im gettin married febuary 2 the best man in the world and when i get looks i just say what is there sumthin on my face lol

dont worry bout what other people think as long as u n ur partner n baby are happy who cares

x x xx

hello ladies! I am 19 with a 20 weeks old baby. I know exactly how you feel! Even though I am settled with my partner who I love, people still give me snide looks all the time! I mean just today, I took my bb to the doctors and she was talking to me as if I knew nothing about my son, then had the cheek to grab him off me and finish taking off his vest which I was already doing! She then starting saying it was because I am a first time mum, but I think I know more about my son than a complete stranger! I HATE IT! They seriously think they know more about my son than me which is completely untrue! One old bag sitting in the bus stop said to me, you shouldn't be giving him a dummy it will damage his teeth, I was like its none of your business!
They look at my age rather than the fact that I can take care of my baby properly and do everything he needs me to do and my baby always comes first. A woman about 50ish said very loudly to me 'how old are you?' so I said '19, why how old are you?' cheeky bugger!
Sorry for the rant but I just get sick of it too hun, don't think it will ever change until people start becoming less ignorant, silly buggers! xx

Well my partner just turned 30 and they had a snipe at him when he took my son for his 8 week jabs because he didn't undo the buttons on the jumper when he took it off! mind you he does look about 21 so... stupid old women!

Hi Hannah88 im 22 now had my first when i was 20 and second when i was 21 (18 month gap) and there is 20 years between me and oh. I've never really had any problems with comments etc and my oh (being 42) could probably pass for being around 30ish so noone really seems to notice the gap. However the one thing that did make us laugh was when i was carrying my first ( i was 19 at the time, almost 20) they changed the date of my antenatal appt scan at the hospital and put me in the teenagers clinic which we both thought was hysterical, think most of the girls there thought id turned up with my father. Fxxx what other people think, you're young, you're happy, you've got a great partner and lovely baby, you should be proud of yourself. Most people who decide to make remarks are probably jealous of you x

P.S lush baby xxx

Thanks, I will tell him you said that!!! Even though I tell him he is gorgeous 20million times a day already! x

Ahhh i think i must've heard nearly every 'young mum' line in the book. I feel sooooo ashamed now. Not. How sad of them to think we can't cope with being parents? Even my mum has now admitted that i've done bloody well for myself and my son is gorgeous etc etcetc.. (he is lol) and she was the biggest prune in the world about me getting pregnant at 17. x

hi a was 16 when a was preg n ad him and a got judged alot as a look alot younger by older ppl and a still get it 2day am now 17 ma son is now 6 months n am preg again.
xxx

hi im 22 an pregnant with my 2nd. an i get ppl juding me. its not right how they just think because we are young we should not have children. as long as they are brought up well, healthy an happy thats all that should matter. i hate when you get looks ov ppl. i had ny 1st at 18 an was 17 when i got pregnant she is the most beautiful an strong minded little girl an she knws more than i do lol. i say keep up the good work all you young mums

omg i love you guys allready!!!! i was 16 and hubby 20 when we got married, we are not 18 and 22, going on 3 years of wonderful marriage no matter what anyone says, we are discussing having a baby its like people have conctantly asked when, when, when and not that we are thinking about it everyone always has something negative to say, either way and it drives me NUTSO! its nice to have others on here to relate to!!! Just because you're young does not make you incapable of caring for your child... Just cause you have a baby doesnt mean ur life is over, it is just beginning a new stage...

Exactly ScrapnChick. Everyone is going to do something in this owrld that someone else is going to disagree with but you've got to just stand up for what you believe in and tell 'em all to shove it up their ****. I couldn't stand getting judged while i was pregnant and even now with my 5 month old son ive had the "oh your baby brother is gorgeous!" line. I ignored it all until i got so f*cked off with it i cussed someone out for making comments about me. She apologised profusely. And bought Harry a present when he was born. HAH.

And i think me being younger has helped me so much being a mummy. Its all ive ever wanted to be, and although i loved my job, its better being mummy! There's always going to be the hard times but hell, everyone has their ups and downs and whos to say that if i were older i'd cope any better?

Age is just a number. Its relevant to Love, Money and your Behavior. If i acted like i was an immature 12 year old, i'd get treated like one. I'm 19 and (i think) mature for my age. I don't see myself as 19 so i don't see why people would treat me like a child.

Life is definately not over. Somethings will be put on hold for a few years but there is absolutely nothing to say you will never do anything you want to anymore.

X

Hi hannah, I'm 20 now but was 19 when I had my lo (he's 9 weeks now). I know what u mean, everyone always asks me "Was it planned?" even if they dont know me very well, or at all! A woman on the bus even asked me it once, a week before my due date. I was so angry- what business was it of hers. OK, he wasn't planned BUT I could have been trying for years for all she knew!

Whalemummy I totaly agree that being young makes it sooo much easier, I don't mind the night feeds cos I've got loads of energy and almost never feel tired, its fab. And I might be skint but I have all the love to give to my lo!

Since I had Gabriel I've never felt better & thats the truth! ALL my family and my OH's family pressured me into an abortion (so did my OH!) but I stuck to my guns and refused point blank. Now they all adore him!
x

hi, new to the site and thought id just tell you that im a young mum too.
I was 18 when i fell pregnant (unplanned but not unwanted) and my partner and i couldn't have been happier. We had been together for 3 yrs and had recently bought a house and had good jobs.
I was constantly given the 'look' by others even the midwife until she came around to my house and saw that I was a successful young woman! I even told her that she shouldn't judge others and she apologised, haha!
Anyway, we lived happily ever after! And now planning a brother or sister for our gorgeous boy.

x

hi, i've just recently turned 20 and have an 8month baby girl called Evie, i fell pregnant at 18, but it wasn't an accident and my OH and i were already engaged. i despied being judged by people, and the looks i got etc really got me down. i specifically remember an elderly couple walking past my OH (who's 23) and i when we were pushing evie in her pushchair and once she though i was out of ear shot she turned to her husband and said really loudly "did you see that young girl with a baby, it's disgusting!" and i went mental! i informed her i was actually married and 19years old and perfectly capeable of raising a child! people at work are very curious and often say "how come youre married and have a child so young" but thank fully nobody is rude about it. strangers however are completely different and very very closed minded and judgemental. it drives me insane. i think it would even be worse if i didnt have a wedding ring on my finger!

im 17 and 24+2wks, anthonys 29 so as you can imagine when hes got a stuble we get some looks, he looks around 21 when hes had a shave tho so its not too bad then. just ignore the looks we do we just laugh at them sometimes... saying at least were happy. katie xx

I dont think it is a case of being 'judged' I think its more heartbreaking for older people to see young girls give up so much of their lives theyve not yet lived so young. When I found out I was pregnant I was excitied but paniced, I am the lead singer of a succesful band, I work full time and am used to travelling whenever I feel like it, I am 24 years old and feel soooo young to be having a baby when theres so much more I have yet to experience and Im missing out on things I enjoy. I think people just wish girls were alot more careful in their teens, as I doubt very much the majority of teenaged girls PLAN their pregnancy, and its just sad they miss out on everything they could have been doing with their lives before they settle down to have families.

hiya im 19 and have a 6month old baby. i know wat u mean about older ppl. i felt i had no control over my pregnancy. i wanted a home birth but my midwife told me i was having my baby in hospital. i felt forced to breastfeed ( although this is wat i wanted nobody would show me hw t do it at the hosp) my midwife was rly nasty after id just given birth. i was given dirty looks off old ppl especially lod women and my auntie ( who i lived with, although very supportive made me feel like i shouldnt have got pregnant. i just felt everyone was taking over because im young. all this led to post natal depression. im ok now but in future wen i have more children i will be in control and i wont be letting anyone else get involved. i know eactly wat ur goin thru. lol xxx

Hiya.

I'm 19 and my lo is 6 months old. I was always getting dirty looks while i was preg. Mostly off older women. At the time me and Oh had broke up so i was looked down upon even more because i was a single mum.

But if you feel you can look after a baby, then noone should you judge how old you should be to be a mum. It's your life not theirs. And we can be as good as just as older mums. (No offence intended).

All keep up the good work and tell them all where to shove it. Lol.

Roxi xxxx

hi finally found people who are around my age(yes). im 22 my beautiful baby boy charlie is 4months old now. i was working in the gym when members started figuring out when i was pregnant most of them were friendly about it and exited but i knew wot some of them were thinkin (too young, accident, wot am i gona do etc) and that was one of the reasons why they didnt find out until i was 6months gone. but now i look back i would of been more confident about it as i wouldnt change him for the world. i dont think it matters how old u are as long as u give all things a child needs.
i think young mums get a lota stick because there are young mums out there who just leave their kids with the grandparents all the time which isnt fair. but we dnt hear about the mums who are doing a good job etc. i do agree with melanie i was at uni when i was pregnant so im having a gap year so i can finish my degree. i think personally for me having a baby has only delayed my future career but has also brought me so much happiness so i will just have to work harder.
does anyone here go to mother and baby groups i want to start going are they any good?
dee

i know how u feel i was 16 when i got pregnant with my daughter whois nearly 1 i use toget old ladies sayin to me that i was only a chld myself but i tryed not to listen its hard i know but at the end of the day its not nothing to do with them i feel out with alot of my friends when i got pregnant as they said i was stupid and i should have an abortion but there was no chance i was gonna have 1 just so they would be my friends i wouldnt change my life for anything i love haveing my own little family when all my friends are going out have one nite stands im at home with my family and it fells great so just try not to listen to the people who are saying nasty things and just remember your a great mum xx

I know how yous all feel also im 21 and have a 3 year old and an 11 week old. What really annoyed me is when i was in hospital having my son (youngest) every dr or midwife seemed to all ask the same question.. "is this your first" and when i replied no they seem to off looked down there noses at me. i ended up getting to the stage were i really didnt care in the end as i know im a great mum to my kids. We also have to think were young enough to run around with them in play centres and parks, and take them on fun days out, plus we will still be young enough to take our kids out clubbing for the first time LOL.

i no exactly how u feel i was goin on 18 and have been wit my oh since i was 14 we have our own house a mortgage and 2 desent jobs but ppl still feel the need to critasise? to be honest i think bein a young mum is great you alot more energy and patience well i no i do my sis was28 and i practactly raised my neice if they start again jus remember u wont be half dead while your giving it socks at there 18th and hen who will be laffing!!!

Well for starters congratulations and if you know your a good mum thats all that matters im sure you do just as good a job as a 30 year old mum would.
Im 17 and i havent even had my baby yet but i get all the dirty looks and people looking down on me at the end of the day why cant young mums be just as capable as older ones.

Keep up the good work I say! Ignore people who cant be positve as they are the ones with the problem and not you. There are lots of young mummies out there http://my.bounty.com/forums/subject/198/10/1/Younger-Mums.htm doing amazing jobs.Surely it is best to be a good mother age is really unimportant if the mother is loving and responsible. It far more healthy for a child in my opinion to have a happy and secure relationship with their parents; there are plenty of older mothers who do not have this! x

Although you have a good point Melanie85 considering your life commitments having a baby is not going to be so easy but I was 21 when I had my daughter and was quite happy to do so (even though she was not planned). For some women they feel what they were put on this Earth to do is be a mum and big careers and things are not on their mind. My children are 18 months apart and are now aged 6 and 4 years. I must say I could not be happier and it has not stopped me from doing things I would like to do I am currently doing a certificate 2 in communtiy services so I can become a councellor. I would like to be in a job where I can help young mum's who go through the same problems I had and even now I look waaaaaaaaaaaay younger than I am I am 27 in September and people still guess me at 21 so you can imagine the reaction when I walk about with a 6 and 4 year old.

I am not saying you aren't right Melanie85 a baby needs a stable environment but I think as long as you can provide a roof over a baby's head and food on the table and plenty of love thats what counts. I bet you will have a rockin' baby and if you get your little one used to the music now maybe he can come on tour it would be so cute for you to have a little groupie. I felt a bit worried I wasn't up to it when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter but she turned out to be such a good baby and I realised that being mummy is the best job ever I am now trying for a third and feel lucky because I will have all my kids before I am 30 and am outside the danger zone for alot of genetic problems. Considering my medical history that is a good thing take my word for it.

Hi i was 20 when i found out i was pregnant with me first and people judged me then i was 21 when i had my first and 6 months on i have just found out i am pregnant with my second baby and still feel like people are judging now i will be 22 when i have this lil 1 and still will feel that people are judging me for my age. I have been with my oh since we was 13 and in school together and have last this long together we both worked full time from leaving school and he still does i go bac to work part time in may for a few months till i leave again for maternity leave again. Nowadays you cant win people judge you if your either too young or are too old. thats just life i just look at them and smile back thats all you should do.

Hi Ladies,

I have been with My Boyfriend 2 years, And I'm 18 Years Old. I didnt realise how much I wanted a Babs Untill I miscarried a few months ago. It was awful. The feeling, knowing your loosing a baby and You cant do anything about it hurts so bad.

I am Currently Trying and I really do not care about my age. I mean I have a full time job, My own house and a Car, No one Can judge me on That one- And If They Do, Ill Tell them where to go.

After Reading Some of your Posts you all seem such a lush Bunch of people, really strong willed and Devoted Mummies! I hope to be joinin you on these boards soon when I finally get tha chance to Have a little one..

Take Care Xxxx

Hey all i was 17 when i got pregnant with my 1st..throughout my pregnancy i was at school well 6th form and i had my so called "friends" telling me what a mistake i made and tht i should have a abortion and tht i didnt know what i was doing..i also had people who didnt even know me calling me a slag when i was with the dad (and still am) i dont see how girls tht sleep with one lad and have a kid are slags nd yet girls tht sleep around nd choose to abort every baby they make arent..anyways i had comments from people i didnt know bout my age..was in a bank once nd someone who worked there was like how u findin it..your still a child yourself! grrri had a comment yesterday wen i was walking through town a girl sed ****g young mums...
anyways..i just choose to ignor them now they should get a life instead of having to dicuss mine!!!
my lad is 2 years old now ) ooh found out sat i preg :) and it due 31st jan 2010!! woop

hiya,

i completly agree.

I was 19 when I had my daughter and although she wasn't planned as soon as we found out i was pregnant, we knew it was right. I am now 22 and am 24 weeks pregnant with my 2nd baby (which was planned) I am so fed up with people interfering and stupid comments about young mums doing nothing and are not very good mums.
When I saw the midwife after having my 1st she asked why I wasn't breastfeedin and then went on to say that it's ridiculous that all young mums choose not to breastfeed anymore. I told her the reason I didn't wasn't becasue no one in the hospital showed or helped me with it and then 2 days after having her when they finally did help a MALE CLEANER came into my room so I found it very hard to relax and choose to bottlefed and get the hell out of there!
The thing that really got to me was when I went to the SAME Midwife this time round she tutted and said "I suppose it's not with the same boyfriend"?!!?!?!?! I told her that no it wasn't the same boyfriend but is in fact the same husband (I married my husband when I was 18) and asked her would it make a difference to my maternity care if it wasn't. I was absolutley fuming!! I made a formal complaint against her and am now seeing another midwife who is lovely x

I hate the untrue sterotype of young mums, when I took my daughter to the baby clinics, I was constantly asked why I don't work . I asked them why they think I don;t work and they just look at me. I went back to work full time when my 1st was 6months old so I can provide the best for my daughter, I will be doing the same this time round as well.

I think it's time people get over it and accept that young mums make just as good mums as somebody older!!!

Its the same with anything i think, not just pregnancy, its people thinking they are better than everyone else, and they obviously have nothing better going on in their lives do they?! At the end of the day whos to say someone older can be a better mum than you? Age effects nothing. :) hope you feel better xxx

hey there im 20 and i had my daughter evie louise when i was 19 she was planned. I love everything about been a mum. hope 2 chat more x:\)

Hi
I would just like to say i was 18 when i got pregnant with my 1st child had him 3 weeks after my 19th birthday and everybody was the same with me looked down on me etc made comments even the midwives in hospital frowned upon me n my then boyfriend but 19 yrs later we are still together married have another 2 children,funny thing is we are getting all the crap again as since xmas last yr we have been trying for baby num 4 without any suces as of yet but now its omg your too old to be trying for a baby at 36 wat are you thinking bout etc etc so i dnt think it matters wat age you are there is always somebody that wants to try n spoil things for you
sorry bout the rant ladies just makes me so cross how people feel they can judge others at the end of the day is there any right age to have a baby
good luck to young and all thats wat i say xx

well im 15 so iam quite young and a lot of poeple dont agree with me and my baby but i really dont card because i no im a good mum. U can probley imagine how many dirty looks ive had and how many comments that have bein made some times you feel like shouting i might be 15 but that doesnt mean i dnt care about my baby because ido i dont expect anyone to do anything for me i do it my self with my boyfriend day and night i wish some poeple would realise that a young mum has the same feelings for there baby as a older mum and not all bad mums are young mums older mums can be bad mums too i hope u agree with me. Laura xxx;\)

hiya hun i was 19when i got pregnant with my 1st, hes 14months now and i've just turned 21 and got my 2nd on the way. It dont stop ya no, you'll always be judged by certain people, but most of the people out there (well nearly al my friends etc are alot older than me and they are all great and have never critised me! But i no how you feel bout the doctors etc, i even got it on my 2nd the mv said 'oh dear again?' even my mother said it when i told her i was preg again (28wks now)!

I agree that young mums face alot of critisim, but at the same time i think that some times its down to young mums being so stupid and naive (and all these media reports,programs dont help), and not being prepared for whats coming or what a responsiblity they have! i mean i live in east london, and i've seen girls from 15-21 yr olds walking around with newborns n prams and even i get annoyed because they have no respect for anyone, or anything, dont no how to look after their kids, and see it as a way of not having to work!

sorry if you ladies dont agree, but if some of the young mums out there wern't so rude, disrespectful and having babys just to live off benefits i dont think that stereotype would exist!

i remember i was on the bus one day and a girl my own age had a small baby and let the poo`r thing cry and cry, throwing in the odd 'shut up man'! its people like that who give us genuine young mums the bad rep that we get critised all teh time for ,yea some of us may cliam benefits, but we didnt have our kids for purely that reason! But around here it seems i you have a kid and your young and on benefits then u had the kid to not hav to work!

I do understand what your saying hun, and the best thing to do is rise above it. I got on the bus one day HEAVILY preg wiv my son and there was a middle aged women sitting there who didnt offer her seat to me (and trust me there was NO misstaking i was pregnant) yet 2minutes later a older mum got on preg, and she offered the seat straight up! i was furious!

At the end of the day hun,if you get critised or see soemone looking at you in 'that' way you just gotta remember you love your kid and do your best for him/her what they think dont matter does it? its your mental state that makes you ready or not to have a kid, not your age! saying that i wouldnt be encouraging my 18yr old sis to have a baby!

Sarah x

hey, i'm 22 and 23 wks with my first baby and i'm so sick of people judging me on my age (i only look like a teenager) and not on how good of a mum i can actually be.

i actually walked out of one of my midwife appointments because of the way the midwife was talking to me and insinuating i was too young to be pregnant, even tho i have a lovely partner who couldn't be more excited to be a daddy (he's 34 and sooo excited lol), i'm in a stable relationship, have a full time job and live with my partner she was just actin like i was some stupid child (tutting and sighing when i didnt know the answer to something), grrrrrrrr!

luckily i'm moving soon and hopefully new midwife wont be such an idiot or i may have to hit her! lol

heya

im 20 and 23 weeks pregnant. I've been with my OH for four years and engaged for one year. Our baby was planned (I had been told that i was unable to concieve when I was 16 and had been through lots of problems with cysts etc) and we are both very happy and excited to be having our first child together. Ever since I announced the pregnancy we have had loads of negative comments, including from our own parents and friends!
My midwife (thankfully) is really lovely - she had her own children young at 18 and knows what people are like - she just says to ignore them.
Unfortunately that is easier said than done - Im quite obviously pregnant and I never get offered a seat on public transport etc (in fact i usually get shouted at by older people to give up my seat even though they are not elderly!)
I also get loads of comments from people i don't even know - people at the supermarket always moan loudly about it so that i can hear what they are saying! Its usually middle-aged women who think they have a right to say things.
Me and my OH live together, he has an excellent job, I've just finished a degree at university, we have a perfect relationship and these people just don't look past the stereotypical image of a young mum and are too ignorant to see all of that!

Admittedly i don't think that some young mums help because of the way they are - its not surprising sometimes that these stereotypes exist - plenty get on my bus in the mornings with their kids and pram covered in food and dirt, shouting at them to 'shut it' when they cry or i see them on the street smoking over their pram. Obviously these aren't what all young mums are like but you can unfortunately see why some people would expect that when they look at us!

xxx