ive just had a 1 in 20 chance result 4 downs and im terrified lots of choices but which way do i go?

sorry to hear your results sharron, If I were you I would get all the information available and look at all your options and look at what you want and what is best for you and your family hun.
also try not to worry ((easier said than done I know)) plenty of children have down's syndrome and live a normal life
hope your ok and if you need to chat were all here hun xx

thanx 4 replyin x x evry1 is tryin t help but my head is all over such a difficult decision to make

I know, they do they try an tell you what is best and what you should be doing rather then asking what you want if you see what I mean?
I even had my mum saying I shouldn't have anymore children after jessica my 2nd now on my fourth so that advise didn't go far ha ha xx

glad i remembered id joined baby expert havin sum1s advice who doesnt no u personally is sometimes easier. wil u b avin anymore or is 4 enuff x x

oh god I'd honestly never stop! but andy doesn't want anymore which I respect we are gonna have four kids so think it may be enough although I am already wondering how I will keep my broodiness under control :lol:
I love this site for that reason I can on an on an on with myself and yet everyone listens to me ((if I'm honest god knows why at times ha ha)) but also I have got to know some really nice women on here who do give great advice when I need it.
so how are you have you had a chance to think about things since you found out? do you have other children? xx

sory not ad chance to reply to u. nice pic by the way. this will be my second baby and my other baby wil be 18 in marchxx

Hi Sharron

I know how you are feeling, I'm 38yrs old and had the blood tests for Downs, came back as high risk, I was told at 3.45 one day and told I was to attend for an amnio the next morning. When I got through to the hospital I couldnt go through with the test and risk miscarriage, also scared of the result I would get. Im just waiting now for my 20 week scan to see if there are any soft markers for downs. Everyone tells me to put it out of my mind and not to worry but thats difficult to do. I think the hardest thing is making decisions, I wish now I had not had the blood tests, at the end of the day as an older mum to be I kne I was high risk and whatever would happen would happen, now I feel I have to make a decision based on test results which I dont feel able to do!!

I have read so much information on how unreliable these tests can be - my midwife told me that someone was given a 1:3 risk and the baby was still ok. Also any weightloss or bleeding in pregnancy can vary the result. You have a 1:19 chance of a healthy baby and you need to cling onto that. Hope all goes well for you. Take care.:\)

hiya it is very difficult ive had my 20 week scan and everything looks fine well just have to wait and see i wouldnt have the amnio because of the miscarriage risk and i hope you have as much support as i have from family and friends im not online much but keep me posted on how you are doing take care x x

I'm not sure any of you will check this, but I wanted to let you know that our son is nearly 2 and has down's syndrome. He is an utter joy, we wouldn't change him. Google the down's syndrome association - they give great info and support. We have actually adopted our son, so completely understand that not everyone feels able to cope with a child with a disability. It's very natural to feel shocked, sad and angry but all the parents we know who have children with down's syndrome would not change them for the world, yes there has been a feeling of bereavement - mourning for the child they hoped for or expected but down's syndrome isn't a terrible life sentence I promise!! I hope I've helped relieve some anxiety if you get the chance to read this.

Hi everyone, i just wanted to jump in and say that i used to work with people with downs syndrome and i have to say that there couldnt be nicer, more pleasant and happy people to be around and they are a joy to work with. Not that i would even call it work, they are all fantastic and have their own lives and dont let it stop them doing what they want. They go to work, make their dinner and do their own washing etc. I hope that my little girl [who dosnt have downs] can be as nice and helpful and loving as some of these special people i call my friends. xxx

Hi, I've just given birth to a beautiful baby boy who has been diagnosed with Down's - it is a shock, but you get over it and enjoy being a Mummy just like everyone else!!! We didn't have any of the screening tests, and there were no markers on the 20 week scan - and I'm only 28! - so it's just one of those things!!! You need to decide what is right for you, but it is still your baby, down's or not, and you will still see a lot of yourself in your little one - trust me! x

Sarah & George - 2 weeks and 4 days old!

hiya i just came onto this topic coz i was interested in it!

The thought never crossed my mind that i mite of had a downs baby, but what they say is true, the biggest worry i had was that my baby was going to be born with ginger hair (big deal i know and quite petty) when Lewis was born, i thought he was perfect, he didn't have ginger hair but even if he had i wouldn't of cared!

I work with with a guy that has downs, he is quite bad, he cant speak and he cant do much for himself but he is nice to work with!

Can they not see in the 12 week scan if your baby has downs? - whats your thoughts on it!

me and my partner did speak about it before i landed pregnant and we both decided that i wouldn't carry on with the pregnancy if it had downs or spina bifida, probably made this decision for selfish reasons! but once i landed pregnant it was a totally different conversation and we did think about it again but not for long! i dont know what i would of done, but then i just thought i was only 27 when i fell pregant and if i was carrying a downs baby we would just terminate and then have another one! that sounds quite bad, and selfish but i guess thats what alot of people think!

hi, my son hasn't actually got downs but i was reading this and didn't want to read and run. my son actually appears to be blind at the moment (can't be diagnosed properly until a million and one tests have been done) but i love him more than anything, and yes i had visions of having a seeing boy
( tbh the thought never crossed my mind that he wouldn't) and all the things we could do together etc, but i can honestly say that had i been told whilst pregnant he would be blind (if thats the case) i would still have carried on, children are beautiful no matter what shape or size they come in. i know people feel differently and it may be shock more than anything else that let's your guard down on this matter but i personally decided i didn't care if my baby was downs because i would love him all the same, but, if i was completely honest i think i would be thinking long and hard if i'd been told he was missing limbs!you just don't know til you are in that position. the most important thing is you follow your heart and you do as much research as you need to so that when it comes to it you know it was your decision and there were no unanswered qns or doubts. good luck and take care of yourself

hi you must have a 101 things going round in your head i did i found out last week after 20 week scan that my baby has cleft lip had to go to another hospital for more detailed scan then had to make choice to have amnio, did have it done and things are ok .im sure you will make the right decision it is hard knowing what to do

my auntie is downs and she is now 43 . i never had the test done to c if my baby ad it but i wud have kept him n e way . but it depends on if u can live with it all ur life becoz its not easy x

hi

i have a 30 year old downs sister and yeh their are times but their is with every child..

my sis cannot read,write,count, but can talk walk fairly well and to be honest i wouldnt change her for the world i have her every friday to give my mum a break. my mum was only 22 when she her so a total shock..

i have 5 kids and wouldnt have test with any even tho i was advised too...it wouldnt make any difference to me,so why waste resourses etc?

do what u feel is right its your body your baby...

xx

My last ultra sound, they found calcium in my son's heart. They said it was one of the many signs of downs, and didn't seemed worried at all. They assured me he'd be okay that the calcium usually work its way out by 26 weeks, but I haven't been given another ultra sound since. Come to think of it I've only had 2 ultra sounds.... and I'm 28 weeks.....
Should I be worried?

Hiya,

I don't want to offend anyone but I just wanted to share my thoughts and experiences on Downs with you all.

I have been brought up with kids with Downs and other problems since I was 2yrs old, through my family fostering, a member of my family has also been a teacher at a special needs school for over 25yrs. A member of my family is now in her 30's with Downs. She also has cleft palate, profound hearing problems, thinks that characters in soap operas are real and can often be heard talking to her imaginary friends... how we love her :)

I personally wouldn't have a child with severe mental disabilities but that is my choice. My 2nd baby is due in December and like every parent I pray that it will be healthy but I know in my heart that I couldn't commit myself to care for a person who will have the mentality of a child until I die. Yes mentally disabled people can have a decent quality of life. But most will never get to do the things so often taken for granted. Get married, have kids, go uni take a gap year to travel.... Would I want my child to not have these opportunities NO.

There are a high percentage of children in care with Downs and such disabilities. I think that if you know you are going to have a child with Downs etc you should go to a special needs school and spend the day with the children in their teens and then go to a special needs care home for those who are older and make a descision based on facts it will also give you more of an idea if this is what you want. Don't let people sugar coat having a child with severe disabilities as different people have different capabilities.

Then saying that as a parent I know that love and determination are enough for some parents irregardless of what problems their child has they face it head on together as a team.

Good luck with your desicion. You said you have a one in 20 chance... which also means you could be one of the 19 who have a healthy child.

If you have any questions ...I am here.

xjx

I have just read this last post with great interest. I too had the same thinking about having a disabled child, in that I basically wouldn't cope with the lifelong commitment. My feelings on having a child aborted because of some disability changed while I was pregnant, knowing that I could not kill the child that I had felt wriggling around inside of me. And then, at the age of only 28, I gave birth to a little boy with Down's syndrome, with no pre-natal diagnosis. So what am I supposed to do now? Send him back because he's not the perfect baby we were expecting?
George is now 13 months old. Mentally, he is age appropriate, he's crawling, can say a wide range of speech sounds, is all over the place and has just started walking while holding our hands. He has had the support of not only a Mummy and Daddy who think he is the most amazing thing ever, but lots of professionals who have helped to shape him into the fab little boy he is. We regularly attend groups and things at special schools, and they are the most fantastic places - and as a teacher, that was certainly not my impression before I actually went inside one. I never felt I could teach children with disabilities, yet I am now actively seeking a job in precisely that area.
We are very aware that we have been incredibly lucky with George, in that he does not have any of the major health problems commonly associated with the syndrome. He is developing relatively normally, so much so that some people have actually questioned the diagnosis.
I am quite surprised that as someone who has grown up around people with disabilities that you are really quite negative about them. How do you know how affected a child is going to be from a scan? Can you imagine how we would have felt having George aborted, knowing what we know now? I honestly don't think that you can ever truly say what your reaction would be if faced with the prospect of raising a disabled child, until you are actually in that position yourself - and I don't mean living with them in a foster-type situation, I mean actually giving birth to one. Your own flesh and blood. We have certainly not come up against any of the old stigmas associated with Down's syndrome, and have received so much support sine he was born. If and when I fall pregnant again, I will not have any of the tests done for Down's or any other abnormality. Every child has the right to the best quality of life that they can possibly have, and if that means that their prospects are different from what ever is deemed as 'normal', then so be it. The unselfish love of their parents (which should be the same for any parent) will be enough to give them what they deserve.
I hope that anyone reading your post will be able to see beyond the negative and think of the joy that any child - disabled or not - can bring. And the fact that disabled children have to face such adversity only makes them more special.

Sarah & George (one very special little boy)

Sarah,

My post wasn't negative it was realistic and I mentioned that I personally wouldn't have a child with downs or anything along those levels it doesn't mean it would be an easy task for me or anyone who came to that decision...far from it. I am well aware that there are different levels of mental handicaps. Having your child was the right desicion for you and I am glad you have support and that George has inspired you to train to work within that area. However, like you had the choice to dedicate yourself to raising a child long term I take my right not to do that. You say about having a child has a right to a good quality of life irregardless if opportunities are different and so be it but that is easy to say as a parent of a child with disabilities. It however could also be argued that, children born severly disabled don't ask to be born that way and go through life not being able to have what others around them have. I know that I wouldn't want to have had a life like that and if I got in an accident and was in a vegetative state I hope my family would love me enough to let me go. I'm not asking you to agree with me and I love the people I have been raised with but I want to point out that whatever choice you make it is not going to be a walk in the park. It's quite frankly silly mentioning about sending children you don't want back. I mentioned there are a lot of children in care with severe disabilities this is unfortunately fact and it is a shame not more people step up to the plate for these kids. Like you said you believe was best choice for you but it won't be the best choice for everyone. My family member who I mentioned with Downs didn't always talk to herself these are things which have developed with age. If you look into it you will find most people with Downs get earlier onset of things such as dementia etc but saying that I think life expectancy is lower than normal. I don't want to upset people but then again I will not do what you seem to want and paint rose tinted glasses. Imagine a scenario you're in your mid 70s with a mentally handicapped daughter (not specifically Downs) in her mid 40's who is very strong, has epilepsy is incontinent and likes to head butt when asked to do something she doesn't want to do. You love your child and ofcourse she will be living at home but she has bad fits, you have to wash and bath her, deal with dirty knickers, and risk being physically attacked by your child who is no longer 4 but 40+...this isn't something that everyone is able to cope with ...having support or not. It doesn't make them bad people because they choose not to do that. I just want people to know it isn't easy. Going back to you saying about flesh and blood and it not being the same fostering... I totally disagree with you and you really wouldn't know how I feel to make that statement. I was 2 when my family started fostering and every person is family to me like siblings.
I know about unconditional love and my own son had special needs when younger and that was a big struggle on my own at the time, let alone with PND and financial probs etc. I'm glad you have George and wish you have a lifetime of happiness. You speak as a newish mother and I speak from 30yrs of experience and as a mother myself. I'm not telling people what to think but sharing my thoughts. Letting people know who have this uber hard desicion to make when faced with having a severley handicapped child that it is ok to be apprehensive and it is ok to say no.

xjx

ps Mrs S. I remember speaking to a member of my family quite recently about different levels of Downs and I was told that it is believed that there is a type where children have the facial appearance but that it is and have no symptoms. If you think your child is developing fine maybe it is something you can enquire about, However I don't know much about it and I don't know enough to say anymore xjx

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Hi Sharron,

Good luck with your baby I'm sure all will come together in the end. I was going to reply to the comments joanneandbrood made but what's the point! I believe in educating myself and learning through experience which is how many things are learnt throughout life. I didn't sit here and type away to hurt people but to give you a different point of view from my experience and have had everything that I have said picked at and belittled. Yes children with Downs can have a good life with the right support etc. Most children who get put in mainstream school who are severley mentally handicapped do not go into normal classes with children who are at the normal level (I'm not saying it doesn't happen at all). I know a boy with severe autism in mainstream and 90% of the time he has special lessons. It doesn't make a child less disabled being at main stream. I think that in today's society that every woman should be able to choose what they think is best with regards to parenthood. Irregardless of whether they want to have a child, have an abortion or adoption. Maybe I misunderstood what you were saying ie what way do I go... I thought you wanted a collection of people's ideas, thoughts, experiences so you could draw your own conclusions...maybe you were talking about something completely different maybe it's my pregnancy hormones!! Some people are obviously very defensive about such a sensitive subject and I understand. I have many good things I could say about having a child irregardless of disability or not but that wasn't what I was speaking to you about I thought enough people would tell you the positives and lets face it I do type a lot and could probably take up 5 pages or more with my thoughts on pros and cons. No one on here is an expert in the field their just individual's opinions tc xjx

Thank you to Joanneandbrood and Smoochiegal for your responses. It is clear that there are some very strong feelings on this issue, and this debate could rumble on. Far from feeling defensive and/or offended (which initially I thought I might, I must confess), I actually don't feel either - if having George has taught me anything, it is not to give two hoots about what anyone else thinks. The only person's views that we care about are those who are there to care for him - be that family or the medical/teaching professionals that come into contact with him. Maybe this is obvious to the people that we meet, and maybe that is why we have not come up with any of the prejudices that are commonly associated with the syndrome. And, as Joanne said, this is 2009.
Smoochiegal, I agree that none of us know what the future will hold - but then, if we lived our whole life wanting to know what would happen, I don't believe that anything would ever get done. How do we know that a 'normally' developing child will not grow up to develop, for example, mental health issues, which may require them to have the same level of care as a person born with a disability?
All I know is that I have a beautiful little boy, who amazes us every day with what he can do, and how he is developing - and I'm his Mummy for life, be that the next 30 or 60 years - providing I don't kark out before then! :)

Sarah x

I'm sorry but I don't think we have the right to choose who lives or dies like you said? Even though the law thinks so, I think you are heartless and no I don't apoligise for being blunt.

Mrs S I think you have been very gratious in your post. Well done.

Sharron your msg was poigniant with valid points. No one knows what tommorow brings and at the end of the day what others think shouldn't matter.

I think that any subject involving children will always bring passionate points of view to a debate.

Lemon cupcake abortion is a very controversial subject - you have the right to an opinion as much as the next person but you shouldn't really make a sweeping statement about people who have a different view to yours just because you don't agree with it ie calling pro abortionists heartless... you don't know what pushed that individual to that decision there are a no. of factors to consider: underage, finance, ability to cope, finances/security, accidents, lack of education, lack of contraception ie 3rd world countries, rape, bereavement, risk of health to mother or baby, severity of disability.... have you seen what happens in a late abortion I can't begin to imagine the trauma caused! I seriously doubt it is something a woman would go through lightly.

Anyway... abortion is another subject many thanks Sharron for giving me an opportunity to share my thoughts/experiences with you.

Good luck.

xjx

It wasn't a direct reference to abortion, it was more your lack of compassion towards children with special needs and how you feel you have the right not to care for such a child.

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Now to me Sarah's 'opinions' are much more than that to me in my eyes she has an understanding of his disabilities through him and knowledge through their experiences together as you said further up

'''How do we know that a 'normally' developing child will not grow up to develop, for example, mental health issues, which may require them to have the same level of care as a person born with a disability?'''

This is very intresting to me as not only would someone like that require a level of care but also what about the disabilities that can't be detected during pregnancy such as Autism, Cerebral Palsy and ADHD ect?
And those that you can get through illnesses such as Meningitis where CP can occure? What would you do in that situation?

I hope you stick around Smoochiegal the ladies here are very nice and supportive and you seem very nice yourself I hope your pregnancy is going well hun xx

Hi I am from due in jan 09 and pregnancy. I came onto this board as I like to read other people experiences. I am due my second baby in jan 09. Like most other parents me and my husband have talked about what tests we would like, the possible outcomes ect. anyway we are having the NT scan at 12 weeks and said that depending on results we would decide from there what to do but one thing we are set on is that we will have this baby regardless if the baby were to have downs or not. it would be a case of being as informed as possible. This is our baby, a very wanted child and already loved so much. I am only 24 and I cared for a gentleman with downs for 5 years everyday of the 5 years, I would help him shower, make meals, get to places,have a social life and learn to talk to people using simple language and I loved every minute of it and would go back in a heartbeat. I would not see it as a chore to help anyone that needed it and espcially not my own child. with regards to the post who said about being hit or headbutted by a 40 year old with downs, i think who ever has experienced this needs to seek help from the many health professionals who are there to support you and help you. (unless of course that was said to try and scare people!)
anyway I have been truely inspried by the vast marjority of you and although it has made me sad to think how much I miss the man I helped look after I hope anyone who reads this will see and understand how much of a blessing a child is to have, regardless of having downs.

xx

Being in the situation myself where I have to have CVS today (its like an amnio but earlier in pregnancy) I do understand both sides of this argument. The thing is its not as black and white as it seems from the outside or from within the situation. I thought it would be easy for me to terminate if there was something genetically wrong with my baby but honestly its the hardest descision I will ever have to make and I feel like a murderer making the descision. I am pro choice I believe women should be able to have an abortion if they wish but I really wanted this baby and now I have to face the fact if the results of my CVS come back with a positive result for an untreatable genetic problem then I am in a siutuation where I feel I would have no choice but to terminate.

I too agree that its all fun and games when they are babies but as adults these people can be aggressive and very strong and I can not stand the idea of having to put my child in a home when I am 70 and can no longer care for them it would be a fate worse than death in my book. Sitting around like a vege when clearly from what has been said here these people are not is just cruel. Plus other children can be so cruel and I was bullied badly enough and I was a normal kid, I can't imagine what a disabled/special needs child would have to go through. There were times when I was being bullied I felt like I would rather be dead I can't imagine how a special needs child feels but it must be devistating. At the end of the day I have two other children to care for and having a disabled child just would not be an option. In dreamland I could totally just ignore any result I got and have this baby no matter what but I don't live in the land of lollypops and fairytales I live in the real world where I have two children on this Earth right now who need me and would not get the time and attention they deserve if all my time is taken up with a disabled child. Its a very sad situation and I am miserable about it but its what I personally have to do.

Still I am in awe of mums that can take are of special needs kids and they are such special children which is what makes me feel bad about my descision. Good luck to you all and I do see both sides of this very clearly.

Oh by the way I would ask what percentage chance 1 in 20 is I mean that doesn't seem too bad you have 19 chances your baby is fine. I have a 90% chance there is a problem with my baby and that makes sense to me there is not much chance things are right, but 1 in 20 tells me nothing. See if you can get a percentage somehow, it will help with your descisions better.

Libranaster....... Wow! So really instead of having my wonderful, strongwilled, happy to give everything a go despite his disabilities I should have just got rid of him sharpish? Everyone gets bullied as you said and I hope my son doesn't but at the same time if he is I hope that I do a good enough job at raising him to know himself that he is just as good, if not better than these ignorant idiots and just get on with it! My son is my world and yes I wouldn't wish him to have the problems he had but I would never have even considered terminating him just because he's not perfect ( I didn't know btw) because to me he is perfect in every possible way and he is my beautiful little boy!

waiting4baby if I was the only one this would effect personally I probably would be more inclined to consider keeping this baby. Seriosuly its not about the baby not being perfect. For starters my partner very strongly does not feel he can handle a disabled child and I suffer from depression and anxiety probelms that I have to deal with every day. Also my son has learning delays and needs alot of attention that he wont be able to get if he is trying to compete with another special needs child that may need even more care than he does. If I have difficulty coping at times with my son who just has learning delays could you imagine me trying to juggle a disabled child? Believe me its probably more abolut me not being perfect than this child. It is an Earth shattering descision but I am not going to force my partner to go through this.

I do hope you can give son the tools and skills to have enough self esteem to ignore bullies and ignorant children and adults. I have had my son in special needs programs before kinder to help him get up to speed for school and have spent time with special needs kids so I am not making a descision from ignorance or taking it lightly. To be honest to be attacked when I am so raw about it is upsetting and just as upsetting as you thinking I was saying you should have gotten rid of your child. I don;t want to terminate my pregnancy but I am not the only one in my family.

I am not looking for a fight but it is a individual descision made on the factors of how people's individual family dynamic goes and besides its not just down syndrome I am talkiing about some results that could come back from this test could mean my child wont even live a year after birth anyway and would have failing organs and be so brain damaged it couldn't feed itself or anything. I am not saying children with slight disabilities should be killed off like vermin but if your child might die within a year anyway and its going to be the most painful year of its life and if the child lives past that it faces a future as a pratical vegetable honestly as a parent I need to be merciful. I wouldn't want that for myself I have told my family if I am going to wake up brain damaged after an accident you pull the plug so if I wouldn't want it for myself how can I expect to put someone else through it that is my opinion.

I expect your son is a gorgeous little boy and I am glad he is not letting whatever diagnosis he has had stop him from having a go and putting in 100% of himself. Obviously you are an awsome mum who has given him the courage to do that.

What I individually want in my situation I am afraid only counts for a part fo the descision here and I am very conflicted thus why I have been coming here I am hoping with a more educated insight into parenting children with different disabilities I can make an informed descision as to whether to terminate as I think personally my partner is being too black and white about it. I mean the baby was moving about on the scan like any nomral child so I am wondering how disabled this child is really gonna be. I mean the scans look normal besides this 6mm NT gap. I probably should make a topic for myself so I can get some feedback about what mum's on here think about it too because its very hard to see my unborn child as disabled/special needs if its doing all the right things in the womb.

By the way waiting4baby I bet you would not have terminated if you knew before your son was born anyway atleast by the sounds of it you wouldn't have. Some people have been very immovable on their opinion in this I realise and I am still conflicted about whether I will teminate. Since I can see both sides here its not an easy descision for me nor should it be. Although I do think every individual should be able to make their choice I also have to say people who have not been in the situation where they know they are going to have a disabled or special needs baby while pregnant do talk about it like it is so easy just to off your baby. I used to think that too that it was an easy descision but its not. No test can tell you how disabled your baby is going to be by their condition. They may be like waiting4baby's son and well enough to fight the odds and tell the doctor to shove his diagnosis where the sun don't shine. When it comes to downs kids the severity of the illnesses they may have or their mental handicapp can vary too much for terminating to be an easy descision. I think downs is the most nasty illness in that way as some people's life expectancies get cut short by it and some people can't control their emotions or reactions but others can and you just don't know what your child will be like. Its a real gamble but I do think people's descisions need to be respected on both sides. Its very easy for someone with one of these beautiful kids to say well how could you terminate and its also so easy for someone who has never even had a chance of having a downs baby to say oh well we will just execute them for coming out of the mold wonky.

I have to say though it is good to see other people who feel as strongly about their opinions as me. Waiting4baby I really hope you don't think I meant you should never have had your son. There was no way to know my son would have the learning delays he has and I would love him if he had of come out with four arms and a tail it does upset me to think you would think I meant that. You are obvuiously a strong mum and a good mum who loves her son.

I've reread what you and I wrote and I am really sorry you took it as an attack, I focused on a small point you wrote and although I do believe bullying shouldn't be a factor in a decision I'm sorry I came across as picking on you. I don't agree with abortion but at the same time am well aware that Boone has the right to judge a persons decision as you really can't say what you would do until in such a position! I certainly hope I never have to find out and know I am very lucky that in the scheme of things my son isn't that bad at all.
I would love to say I'm doing a brilliant job but my son is only 18mths and unawre he is not 'normal' so only time will tell how well be copes. He is visually impaired although the cause and diagnosis are still unknown and more things are cropping up as he fails to meet milestones.
I am sorry again, I also don't want to pick a fight, I am wriiting this on a phone so if again I have come accross badly/blunt please understand it's not my intention.
With regards to your situation I wish you all the best and as said have no right to judge and please make sure you don't let others judgements effect you as it will only make it harder. Take care

I just hoped you didn't take what I said the wrong way waiting4baby since in my opinion some people have been a little cold about the subject of keeping a special needs baby. I personally don't believe in abortions after 12 weeks and this is where my descision gets hard because it will probably be after 12 weeks before I get all my results and it does seem wrong and hard. I am really over sensitive right now so I can see how I would take what you said the wrong way. I am taking what veryone says the wrong way right now its so tough. Thankyou for your advice I am trying not to let others judgements effect me the one paerson I can't ignore is my partner because its his baby too and his judgements can be quite upsetting. He just doesn't understand and thats hard he said today to me that I shouldn't have been up half the night worrying something that is out of my control. ARG! doesn't he get that terminating this pregnancy means I am controlling whether me baby lives or dies. It is in my control! I am so frustrated and upset. I might have the results to my test tomorrow and I am freaking out. I am going to be an emotional nut case until then.

I read this post with great interest as well. I hope to concieve our 2nd child next year when I'll be 36 and I'm all to aware of the problems us "old ladies" could possibly have.

I'm sure there are many people who will disagree with me but I believe God gives us "special" children for a special reason that will be realized sooner or later in our lives. Downs Syndrome children are created perfectly and will add extra stress and anxiety into our lives but at the same time will also add a special joy to our lives that could not possibly come from a "normal" child.

Maybe I'm niave but honestly, if I fell preg with a downs baby, its our child to love.

Mrs. S - George is handsome! He walked before my dd did - she was 14.5 months!

Hee hee, I only wish he was walking properly!!! Is walking holding onto hands, too blooming lazy (and that's the boy in him, not the Down's!!) to do it himself!
Am glad that you have such a positive attitude - you could be completely morose and depressed if it did happen to you, but that's not going to help anyone, least of all your ickle one. Well that's how we see it anyway!! And yes you do end up spending hours of your life searching for parking spaces at the hospital, and going for appt after appt, but its so worth it to see the progress they make against the odds. And its opened up our social life no end!!
Let us know how you get on when you are lucky enough to fall pregnant again - and maybe you will get to join this very special club!!

Mrs S x

i gave birth on 30/4/09 to a bot who has downs and heart problems, the fact that he had downs didnt matter as he nearly died. he is a beautiful little boy now

Hi MelanieJ, just wanted to say a huge congratulations on the birth of your extra special baby!! Glad that he sounds to be doing well, hope you are doing OK too - was he a surprise package or had you found out beforehand? Either way, you are now a proud member of a very exclusive club! And if he brings you as much joy as George has brought us, then you have some great times ahead!
Sarah & George (now 18 months!)

Sorry, I'm gatecrashing but I saw from the home page that you had posted Mrs S.
How is your gorgeous little man getting on? I saw the last lot of photo's you posted in baby and he's such a gorgeous, happy looking little boy, just seeing your avatar makes me smile.
Hope you don't mind me gatecrashing!
Kerry xx

Not at all Kerry - nice to hear from you!!! George is doing brilliantly - he's now 18 months old, on the very verge of walking (i.e will stand on his own but not set off - a demon with his push along walker thing, he can actually run with that!) and generally causes havoc!! He is using a few words (able to say the name of his swimming teacher before he said Mummy - GRRRRRRRR!!!) and uses lots of sign language... such as being able to put three signs together, "More, biscuit, please!" (and then says Mumum on the end!!) We just keep being constantly amazed at what he can do, although we are convinced he's got the terrible 2's early, he's a right stubborn little bugger!!! And drama queen doesn't even come close!! Am going to post some recent Facebook pics on the Baby forum - go have a giggle at the naff Halloween outfit!!

Hope you and LO are doing OK!
Sarah x