Hi Girls,

I've not really been on here since Dec time. I had a mmc in Nov/Dec which went on and on and ended up with me having an erpc. The whole experience as you all know is just the worst thing ever. My hubby and i got married in April this year so had this to focus on, it was the best day of our lives, i'd do it all again tomorrow if i could :) Anyway, we've been ttc since about March time and you guessed it, we got a bfp on Wednesday. We are over the moon BUT i'm so scared....so scared that i don't really know how i feel if that makes sense, i'm ecstatically happy but not.....

We're desperate for a baby and this is what we def want but i feel as though i can't relax. I'm only 4+3 today and did a couple of hpt's to make sure. I'm going to see my doc this coming thursday to ask him to refer me for an early scan but with all the waiting and everything, this freaks me out even more.....i can't imagine how i'm gonna feel when i eventually get my scan as i'm sure i'll have to wait until i'm about 7 weeks and will just be thinking we won't see a heartbeat like before.

Not sure if i'm even making sense as my whole life since my mmc has focused on getting preg again but now i'm just so scared as don't think i could cope with anything going wrong. I know i can't do anything about any of this, i just wish i could relax. My hubby is away until late monday night, i guess i just need him here with me as he always makes me feel better. My mum's been here this weekend but we've decided not to tell anyone for ages, just in case. I'm sure some of you remember that my mum wasn't exactly over the moon when i told her i was preg last time cos we were geting married, she said she wanted us to enjoy our day so we should move the wedding etc....there was no way we were gonna do this but as it happened, didn't need to do anything due to mmc....My relationship with my mum has def suffered as a consequence of her behaviour so def don't want to even tell her our news.

Thanks for listening, just needed to get it off my chest xx

[Modified by: Sohappy!!! on 09 July 2009 17:28:05 ]

Hello sweetie, just wanted to say huge congrats on your wedding and a BFP! What a lovely couple of months. I know you will be scared and there's absolutely nothing I can say to take that away; you don't want to get excited about being pregnant in case it all get's taken away from you again, but on the other hand it's all you dreamed of. It is such a hard time and the days and weeks seem to go by so slowly, I can totally sympathise and truly hope you manage to relax just a little and enjoy the next 9 months. Just because things have gone wrong once, it dosn't mean they will again and I think you have to cling on to that thought and don't let your past experience take the shine off your pregnancy.

After 3 previous mcs and bleeding in this pregnancy, I was a nervous wreck for the first 20 weeks or so, but looking back, i really wished I could've enjoyed it more and made the most of every minute. it's so hard to do, but that's all the advice I can give, think positive, be positive and relax and enjoy as much as you can.

Good luck flower and keep us posted xxxx

Hi,
Congratulations on your recent BFP. I have had 2 MMC since Oct 08 and currently pregnant with number 3. I too was/am a nervous wreck, but have tried to get a bit of a grip of myself as I will drive myself crazy. I went to hypnotherapy to try to learn to relax and how to clear my mind. I also tried to live with the philosophy that until someone told me it was over I had to stay positve for the babys sake. We also paid for private scans in the first trimester to keep us sane.
We had our NHS dating scan last week and were given the all clear. I had promised myself once I got passed 12 wks I would relax. But I am finding I am still haunted by the last 2 MC. It is really hard but you will get there. Just try to be as positve as you can. All the best hun.
Lilou x

Thanks so much for your replies slippers and lilou, i'm so lucky that people on here really understand where i'm coming from. I'm a natural worry person anyway but this is just gonna make me worse.

I've decided now, thanks to the 2 of you that i'm gonna try and be more positive about my pregnancy and try and enjoy it as its what we've wanted for so long. Like you say lilou, if i don't do this, i'd be driving myself insane and prob my dear hubby!!! Think i'll just mention it to the dr on thursday to see if he can advise me of anything that might help, did the hypnotherapy work for you lilou? I've heard that accupuncture is good but i don't really know much about alternative therapies.

Slippers i know you're right by saying that just because of last time doesn't automatically mean this time will go wrong but....just in the back of my mind i have those awful, scary thoughts...

Anyway, yes time to move forward for the sake of all of us, mine, my hubbys, our little bean and all of your ears!!!!

Thanks for all your well wishes, i feel ever so slightly better. I'd also like to wish both of you the best in the rest of your pregnancies, thanks for sharing too, its much appreciated xxx

Sweetie you are welcome, I hope I didn't sound too harsh, I was a complete mess when I was at your early stages and even fainted on the way to a scan cos i was so hyped up, so I promise I know what you're going through. You're doing the right thing in talking to your docs and investigating ways to relax. Use every bit of help offered and open to you, I used to play chill out music to myself and the bean every night in the bath. it was just my half an hour of trying to be calm and positive (sometimes sit worked sometimes it didn't!!)

I know nothing we can say will help you to relax but I truly hope this is the magic bean for you and that all will be absolutely fine. And if you are worried, then come on here and tell us, yu need all the support you can get and the ladies on here are a godsend! xx

Hiya,

Firstly congrats on the wedding and a BFP!

I had an mmc back in Feb, I was 10 weeks but the baby had died at 6 weeks. Anyway, I am 4 weeks exactly today...and a nervous wreck! I keep getting twinges and period like cramps. Every time I go to the loo I am convinced AF is going to turn up.

My DH has been so good. He said to me that we should get excited and feel positive about it, because if the worst happened and our bean was taken away, we would at least have enjoyed it while it lasted. So that is what I am trying to do!

Anyway, I wish you all the best hun. Have a big (hug) from me!

Love,
Edie xxx

Hi girls,

Slippers, no you weren't too harsh at all - its what i needed to hear so thank you xx Am still trying to relax but sometimes just coming on here makes me nervous when i read things, god, what am i like? I might try your tip of having a "me time" everyday when perhaps i play music or do something to relax, thats a good idea. Gosh, yes you sound like you really do understand how i feel, i just hope i won't be fainting, lol. How many weeks are you now if you don't mind me asking?

Hi Edie, thanks for the congrats :) Its so hard to stay positive i know how you feel. Every little twinge etc...i'm the same as you, despite doing 3 tests now i keep thinking af is gonna come, its so silly cos i'm like clockwork and i know deep down that she would have come by now if she was coming, 3 hpt's can't lie!! I too was 10 weeks when my mmc was diagnosed but our bean hadn't grown since 6 weeks either - how strange. I think you dh is right about enjoying it actually for those very reasons. My dh is away but will be home tomorrow night, i've missed him so much and i know he'll make me feel better and prob say what you dh has said. Thanks for the hug, (()) hugging you back, you take care too xxx

I love you ladies for keeping me sane xxx

hi hun, congrats on your bfp

remember every pregnancy is different, this is my 4th, i had two boys and fell completely by accident last year, unfortunately i lost the bean in october, and it being a molar i wasnt allowed to ttc till id had 6 months testing with the hospital,

i found out i was pregnant the week i was due to give birth to my lost star,

im now nearing the magic 12 weeks, but still everyday i wonder if everything is ok, ive not been sick as much as i was with the boys, just very nauseuos at night, but i wasnt sick at all with the lost one,

im bleating on, what i want to say is, take each day as it comes, treating each one as a milestone, enjoy the little secret you and huubby have, cos as soon as you tell everyone that belly becomes public property! be positive, things will be ok, and enjoy every moment, even the sicky ones good luck

x
em
11+3

Well said em, you are so right about the little secret. It is like a wee miracle thats happening inside that no one knows about and no one can see!!

Gemm x
8+6

Thanks girls, em thats so weird too, we found out on Weds this week that i am preg again, that was my due date of our little one that we lost - it was a very strange day all around!!!

gemm, you're right, it is a miracle so i've got absolutely everything crossed that this will be a sticky bean as other than the twinges and no af, i've not had any other symptoms as yet. Last time i had the same twinges and sore boobs - we'll see x

Hi love. I too had a mmc at 10 weeks (bean left at 7wks) last October. It was a tough 6 months that followed and then we finally fell pg again in Feb. I too worried throughout my first trimester but managed to not let it take over me, and certainly not let it overshadow my happiness. You have every right to feel happy about this one, and to feel positive that history won't repeat itself. If the unfortunate should happen then deal with it then, it will do you (or your little one) no good to worry yourself over nothing in the unlikely event it will go wrong. I know....easier said than done, but take control of your fears, allow yourself to imagine that beautiful baby in your arms right after you delivery in 9 months time!

As a precaution I did take things really easy throughout my first trimester. I loved to exercise but I gave this up as a precaution. Even though it was not the reason Id had a mmc, I just wanted to allow my little one to settle in to the womb with me. Im not saying you need to completely wrap yourself in cotton wool, but it helped me to feel reassured that I was doing everything I could (e.g. walking away from any stressful situation at work or in my personal life) and treated my body as an absolute temple! Like we always deserve to be treated!! I was able to allow myself to feel a lot more positive and believe everything would be ok this time round. Im now 20+5 and going strong.

There will always be moments, but when they arise be in control of them. Many a time I went to the loo, I had a momentary uncontrolled fear when I wiped but then I made sure I would follow with a controlled happiness.

You have a received a wonderful gift and now you can enjoy it. Relaxation music sounds like a great idea, as are alternative therapies. Im sure you will find something right for you to hold on to. Before you know it the 1st trimester will be a distant memory and you will have a gorgeous growing bump, with a beautiful child to follow

xx

Thanks sim75, god you girls are so good for me right now as i do feel very supported by all of you so thank you ((())).

Talking of exercise, i religiously do a step class and a tums n bum one every week but said to dh that they might not be a good idea at the mo, its a shame as i LOVE my step class - its on tmoro, am gonna ask my dr on thurs but think maybe i'll give it a miss for a couple of weeks - what do you think girlies?? i just don't want to become unfit but its about finding the right balance i guess. I'd happily give up everything if i could be promised that this little bean will be ok but thats not possible to know i know.

I agree sim, maybe i should take it a bit easy as i went shopping today (dh is away until tmoro so went to stock up on food for when he's back) and was thinking about all the lifting and carrying that i was doing as normally i have dh to help!!! Just doing "normal" things is getting me thinking too much if you know what i mean...anyway, i'll try to visualise and hold on to what will hopefully be, gotta go to bed now as working tmoro

Thanks again xxx

Its really up to you how you feel about exercise. If you have the energy then go for it. The only thing is you dont want to put extra strain on tummy muscles. I would maybe give the bums and tums a miss but keep up the step. The docs say that if you did something before then keep it up, but take it easy. I do a dance class, which im still doing. When i was pg with my first son i was dancing until 23 weeks until i felt it too much, and i def hope to continue as long as poss this time.

Speak to your doc, but it prob wont do any harm to continue, and it wont make a difference to give it a miss for a week or two.

Gemm x
9 wks

Thanks gemm, i didn't go to step tonight as i'm just not sure. Gonna ask dr on thurs so thought i'd give it a miss until i've had some advice x

Quite right. Im being super fit at the moment. im sitting watching tennis eating a chinese!!! much more enjoyable than exercise

It definately is a personal choice and one made easier if you are already active. Paula Ratcliffe ran a marathon when pregnant. Though you should def speak to your doc first before doing anything. Some things you can continue but just need to modify. So your step class may be ok but you may have to take away the steps or just use 1 instead of 2 or 3 each side. As you get further along it becomes more difficult to balance too! But this is a gradual thing and you just need to listen to your body.

Definately no tummy work or twisting around the middle at all though. I went back to yoga and now do pilates as well but skip all the core work and do a modification or something completely different - like birth preparing excercises to open my pelvis - when everyone else continues as normal!

A lot of the books and research say not to let your heartbeat exceed 140bpm, or don't excercise to the point where you become out of breath. If you are already fit then this is less likely to be a problem but its worth monitoring your heart rate as you dont want to overheat. You overheat = baby overheating.

I like Gemms suggestion of eating chinese and watching the tennis! Only Im annoyed that the tennis has interrupted Eastenders tonight !!

x

It was on bbc 2 if you turned over. Im peeing myself over the tennis, im going on thur and fri and am a Murray fan!! Sooo exciting!!!!!

Gemm x

oh, thanks ladies for the advice, will let you know how i get on at the drs as would really like to do some kind of exercise. I only use 1 block each side of my step box so yeah, maybe i can sort something out although it is an advanced class. My dh is back tonight at some point - i'll ask him what he thinks too.

i'm so jealous as i LOVE chinese!!!

Enjoy the tennis gemm, my work colleague was there on Friday and today, bet she was bloody boiling - be careful in the sun won't you xxx

Hi hun sorry to crash this thread as im not actually pregnant yet but i just wanted to say congratulations on your wedding and your pregnancy. I had a mmc last year and we have started trying again and you summed up how i think i will feel when we concieve again!

The other girls have given fantastic advice so listen to them, i will be taking note when its my time too!

Hugs xxx

Hi MrsTIL,

Thanks hun, just wanted to wish you good luck with ttc - it can all be so stressful but try to enjoy the bd'ing xxx

Hi Ladies,

Just a quick update. Went to see my dr on Thurs, he has recommended to air on the side of caution and that i perhaps skip my 2 classes as they both include core work on the abs which should def be avoided and are quite high impact so could damage my joints etc..

He did say however that i can exercise but perhaps do activites such as cycling and swimming. Dh and i are gonna go cycling in a mo as the weather is still nice and i'm gonna see how i feel. Also gonna just use the equipment in the gym so i can still have a fairly good all over workout but this way i can decide about the "impact" if that makes sense. Dr also said to only perhaps work to 75% instead of 100% - i think he just wants me to take it easy really as he could see how worried i was. He has already referred me to the mw's which is good and they phoned me yesterday to say they will arrange my early scan in the next 2 weeks as well as an appt to see them so they can offer early support.

Overall i feel a lot better and am trying not to worry as much, my dh is keeping me sane although i'm probably making him insane, ha!! On the relaxation front, have just been chilling out in the evenings after work which seems to be working.

Thanks so much to all of you for your continued support, it means everything - take care everyone and look after yourselves xxx

ps gemm - we had chinese last night and it was very nice, yummy!!

SH 5+3

Congratulations on your bfp.

All I wanted to say is, each pg is different. I had ms with bean, and still lost him/her. This time around, I know peanut was ok at 10 weeks, but I have had less symptoms apart from tiredness, everything else comes and goes.

Take one day at a time, try to be as relaxed about everything as you can. xx

12+1

Thanks mithical, yes, just taking it as easy as i can as well as trying to be as "normal" as i can be too if that makes sense xx

You sound a lot more comfortable now that you have spoken to your doc. Just listen to your body. Now that I do that I hear it telling me stuff all the time!!

Cycling and swimming are good. I also booked in for a session with one of the gym instructors which was free at my gym and she did up a programme for me to follow using the gym equipment so that might help you too. Its a change from the classes but there are still some classes you can do, just find the right ones for you. When/if you do ask for a programme to be done for you, it's worthwhile asking for someone who actually knows about pregnancy!!! I had to change my appt due to a meeting clash at work and nearly ended up with some guy who knew nothing about it!! Luckily I realised and changed my appt in time.

Its also a nice time of year to go for walks with your OH. So you could always take time out away from the gym and do that while you get through your first trimester. Glad you are getting some early scans too. That certainly helps to keep your mind at rest and the paranoia at bay. I hope everything goes well!
x

Hi sim75,

Thanks for your kind words, yes my dr is really good and tried to reassure us. We went out for a ride and did 15 miles, the weather here was lovely on Saturday and i felt fine so hopefully will do that again as before i found out i was preg, we booked a little holiday in Sept - we're going to the peak district and gonna take the bikes - all being well i'll be 16 weeks then so will def have to see how i feel as don't wanna be falling off, lol.

Feeling a bit nervous today though as mw has phoned to say my early scan is booked in for this thursday - just know we're gonna be feeling so sick as quite frankly feel a bit like that now - 1 day at a time...i know but can't help worrying - i'll be 6+1 on thursday so not even sure if they'll see a heartbeat xxx

Try and get a good night's sleep tonight. You may not see much in your scan at 6+1 and dont be alarmed if you don't hear a heartbeat as it can sometimes be 7wks or more before you do. They will be able to check that your pregnancy is in the right place and check the measurements. Hopefully they will call you back again in another week or 2. I had my first early scan at 7wks on the NHS in the EPU, then I paid for a private one at 10wks, before my next NHS one at 12wks - in the "normal" scan unit!
Like you said, just take one day at a time. There is no need to rush. Im sure everything will be fine for you hon but of course I understand the nervousness about tomorrow. Just be positive. Before you know it that first trimester will be history, you will be getting ready for your Sep holiday at 16wks and will be bouncing with energy too !
xx

Thanks for understanding sim,

Will update tomorrow all being well xxx

I spent all yesterday thinking it was Wednesday, and today thinking it was Thursday!!! Losing it!
So ..... have another good night's sleep tonight and good luck for tomorrow hon !

xx

Hi Sim, Yes, thought that you were a bit confused but didn't like to say!!!

Well just to update everyone, we got a fairly decent nights sleep as advised to prepare us for the outcome of today. As always, we mentally prepared ourselves for the worst BUT MUCH TO OUR AMAZEMENT....OUR LITTLE BEAN HAS GOT A HEARTBEAT!!!!

It was such a fantastic feeling, i had a tear in my eye and shouted omg!!! It was amazing to see the fluttering of the hb. My hubby was sat beside me the whole time holding my hand, words cannot explain how we feel.

Getting on the couch and seeing the screen brought all the bad feelings back but those were quickly taken away when the sonographer quickly turned the screen around so that we could see our little bubba....aawww, we're so happy but obviously its still early days. I measured correct on the scan - 6+1 weeks. It was so good as we weren't sure what we would see with only being 6 weeks....anyway, i'm trying not to go on too much.

Just wanted to say a huge thanks to everyone for the support, its really appreciated, just got to try and wait until my 12 week scan now - only 6 weeks to go....god that seems like a lifetime away xxx

Yay!! Im so happy for you luv. The relief of hearing/seeing that heartbeat for the first time is just a great feeling. Just what you needed to put you back on the high you deserve to be on (good for bubba too!) Thats great that the heartbeat was there this early too....obviously a strong little one you have there!
The time will fly by quickly and before you know it you will be at 12 wks and seeing an amazing difference in the growth - and see your little bubba moving about in there.
Its a nice-to-have to be able to get another reassurance scan in between if you can. Some hospitals on the NHS may offer it so worth asking. Others just say NO! Depends what yours is like. You could get a private one if you start to worry. But honestly, the time will fly by.

xx

Ah hun, what wonderful, wonderful news! Am delighted for you! Keep us posted with how you're getting along, just keep positive now! xx

Thanks both, i really appreciate your posts. Trying my best to relax but you know what its like, every little twinge etc..... I've looked up the cost of a private scan, it would cost about £100 which is fine. Hubby not too sure as he feels we'll be just as anxious with the build up to it and then have to feel like that again for the 12 week scan, not sure how i feel really, part of me wants it but what my hubby says is true, i know i'll be a wreak again, think he's trying to protect us. Its so wrong that we feel like this but i guess its because we don't want it taken away from us again but are scared to enjoy the fact that we could be parents further down the line. Thing i'm gonna just see how i feel as i get from day to day.

Any of you lovely ladies had private scans?

Thanks xxx

wow congrats on bubs and the wedding but sorry to hr off the mmc.
in 98 i had my daughter who is now 11, i then went on to have a mmc in 2001 and a mc in 2003 i am now 17+5 with 2nd baby and i still get nervous even tho ive had 2 scans already and have my 20wk scan in jus over 2 wks time.

but my doctor has bin soo good, ive had a couple of uti's and bin quite poorly with them which has scared me a little but i no its only the infection and bubs is fine, it helps coz bubs is moveing already.

it helps to chill out and sounds like u have an amazeing hubby like i do and hes doing a gd job of looking after u hun.
plz jus sit bak and enjoy ur pregnancy and heres to a happy and healthy one at that :)

donna xx

Aawww thanks donna,

My god, you've been to hell and back if you don't mind me saying (don't mean that in any bad way whatsoever). I'm just so amazed by the strength of everyone that they have to keep going!!!

Yes my hubby is the best and i truely know that if we weren't properly together/connected if that makes sense, i wouldn't be able to carry on, i'm just conscious of how he feels too and don't want him to always have to worry about me as he is worried in his own way about how everythings gonna pan out. We do talk about it all though which helps both of us. I also have a very good dr like you that i can always get an appointment with and that def does help. I'm due to see my mw in 2 weeks for my booking in appt so i'm hanging on in there.

It must be so lovely to feel your little one moveing. I'm just hoping and praying that i too get to the stage where i feel a bit more reassured about everything and really start to enjoy the fact that i'm preg without worrying.

Thank you so much for your lovely words, you take care too and i wish you all the very best for everything. I hope you continue to enjoy your pregnancy xxx

That fantastic news, the worrying doesnt do you any good but in a way when you prepare for the worst its amazing to get such a fab surprise!!!

You will feel the same if you get another scan, and the same again the next time. Its unfortunately part of the process. I was telling a friend who had a mc last week that you panic at every scan until you feel baby moving, then you still panic until you go to midwifes and hear heartbeat, then you worry that everything will be ok at the birth, then you worry about feeding and so it goes on!!!!!

Maybe when all these bumps are 18 we will stop worrying!!

Well done you

Gemm x
10+6

Congratulations! I am so pleased to hear that your scan went well - that is fantastic news

Love NN 13+3 xxx

Click Here To Read My Ramblings On Living With Loss And Pregnancy After Loss

I had a second scan at 10wks. Mostly because I had found out about my previous mmc at 10wks and it was kind of a milestone for me, but also cos we were heading off to Egypt of all places and doing a desert trip. (I knew if i booked that trip that i would fall pg!!!) Yes I was nervous going in, but the relief I felt afterwards to see bubba moving around in there - and to actually see a proper identifiable growing life which I'd not had before - was just THE BEST feeling so send me away with.

Take your time to think about whether you want to go for a private scan between now and the 12 wks. You need not rush into it. You can always book something at the last minute so that you have less waiting time to become anxious.

In the meantime, just keep enjoying the relief and happiness of getting this far. Not that one pregnancy relates to another, but you are further along than before, you have seen and heard that little heart beating away - and early on too! You have proved that you can conceive and it can go on to become a viable pregnancy, and soon you will see your gorgeous little bubba on that screen moving about. Honestly, the time will start to fly by hon. Keep your PMA up!
xx

Thanks for all your replies ladies, i never have any doubt that you won't be able to set me straight!!

Sim, totally understand what you said hon about reaching a milestone, i'm not there yet as i was 10 weeks also when i found out about my mmc but yes, the 6 week scan was definately a milestone in its own right as we saw our little one with a strong heartbeat as obviously we didn't have that option last time. I just need to give myself a talking to and i'll be fine i'm sure xxx