Hi girls, does anyone have any funny moments from labour to share? Come on let's cheer ourselves up. x

I refused to take my socks off the whole way through. They were my security blanket lol.
I also managed to headbut oh whilst pushing oopsie lol

When the midwife told me "I can see the head - the baby will be here this push or the next" and I said in a stage-whisper to DH, "is she telling the truth or lying?" - like she coudn't hear me!

Also when I passed out after being moved from the delivery suite and came round to find lots of people crowded round me shouting my name - I opened one eye, clocked the extremely sexy doctor who I'd last seen when I came in and was only 3cm dilated, pointed at him, giggled like a schoolgirl and said, "ooh, I remember YOU!"

Feel obliged to point out these were only funny in retrospect - at the time I wasn't really finding much funny at all!

My midwife said I was the most polite labouring lady she had ever had whilst speaking to her and that I was totally opposite with my hubby!

I blamed the gas and air and that my mum always told me to be polite to people helping you x x x

as i was pushing Evie out, i suddenly turned to my hubby and shouted really loudly 'OH MY GOD IT FEELS AS THO I HAVE 100 FISTS SHOVED UP MY ****' unknown to me the anethestist had popped in to see if i was ok and dh said he was just laughing in the back ground- brilliant!

xxxxx

well i was induced in the end and put on a drip, my consultant came in at the start and asked if ihad any contracttions to which i reolied no with a smile on my face drinking tea,,,, he came back in whikst i was sqirming on the bed breaking dh's hand with the gas and air in my mouth eyes closed trying to get through a bad contraction and came and asked me if i was having goodcontractions!!! to which i shouted really loud 'is he having a f***ing laugh! the mw's apologised on my behalf,,, anyway he was calle din to try to deliver my reatined placenta which was agony btw and when it was over i was relieved and i just said 'thank you soooooo much and i apologise for earlier' he said no its ok it was a silly question to ask!!! how emabarrasssing on both sides lol xx

I was VERY polite the whole way thru the labour. Midwives thought it was funny. I kept saying 'Please can I push now?' 'Do I have to do any more pushes?' and 'I can't get three pushes out, I'm so so sorry'. Hubby thinks it's hilarious now when we look back at it.

xx

When i was in labour with my dd, i had a nice mw for a couple of hours before they changed over. Whilst on the gas and air i was telling hubby to get the paper out of the filing cabinet, apparently him and mw found it hilarious coz nobody knew what i was going on about including me and i got really cross with him coz he didn't know. lol

Apparently when the head crowned, I refused to push until they told me what colour hair the baby had! According to OH, I threatened to go to sleep and make them wait for the baby unless they told me.

That gas & air sure does strange things.... but I wouldn't have been without it!

Hannah xx

i remeber asking for something to be sick in and the midwife said ''hang on a minute were busy'' so looked at the floor and the bed and thought, right what do i be sick on?? i chose the bed!!

also when i was being sick one time, i cried ''i think ive wet my self!'' ! midwife looked and it was my waters.

in the the throws of pushing ialso shouted, ''get this f**king thing out of me!!!'' and when the midwife said ''ur doing really well'', i replied with ''yea, i know!''

the first three things said when my LO was born was - she is a girl isnt she, shes beautiful and ..... Did i poo??!!!

lol!

xx

hehe these are funny!

I was constantly apologising for pooing even though i never pooed once

When they gave me the pethadine and it kicked in i said to Lee that i better go to hospital now as i think im in labour I then started telling Bitzie (my dog) to stop licking my feet as it was annoying me

I came round after an hour or so and the midwife got me an ice lolly as my mouth was dry from the gas and air.. Lee said i was going mmmmmmmm mmmmmmmm oh thats so good mmmmmm he said i sounded like a 2 year old having a ice lolly for the first time lol. xx

These are brilliant!

I remember the only time I raised my voice was to shout out to my mum "Oh my God, it's coming out of my bum, really it is!!!" xxx

Cat 34 weeks today

Hehe! These are great stories girls...so funny :D
xxx
33+5

I was induced and took a while to get going. On the ward when they examined me and said I was 7cm the first words out my mouth were "that means I can have an epidural now".

I also kept dehooking myself from the fetal heart rate monitor to go to the toilet, even though the midwife kept insisting I didnt need it was the baby I could feel (she was right).

On the way up to the labour ward I told everyone i saw that I was getting an epidural, including random people in the lift and when I got there and was told the anaethatist wa sin theatre I announced he could just get his butt out and go back after I had my epidural (never got one was too far along).

I was also more concerned with pooing than pushing and was in trouble for stopping pushing cause I could feel poo coming out.

gate crashing here but this is so funny,

When I was have my dd I had the gas and air. I was well gone and i grabbed the midwife by the arm and said to her that the gas and air was brilliant i felt drunk the way you do when you wear high heels!!! I also asked hubby to get me my washing basket lol

[Modified by: piper06 on June 27, 2009 12:53 PM]

I kept telling the MW I was pushing but she didn't believe me as I was out of it on the pethedine and when she finally believed me a look of horror came over her face and she rushed me into a wheelchair and into the lift to go downstairs to the labour suite. I remember her saying to the nurse something which I didn't understand and when I asked her to explain she said it meant my baby was coming out now - I said something like "oh thank god!" and then thought about what she's said,cried, and started shouting that I couldn't have my baby in a lift like the woman on Holby City!

I also remember being wheeled into the delivery suite and a woman in labour was at the door and had to move quickly out the way as Nate's head was crowning and there was me crying and half-sitting, half-standing in the wheelchair, poor girl! I saw her the next day and apologised if I'd scared her and she said she's been fine up until that point! I felt terrible!
Kathryn xx

1) I refused to do anything the MW asked unless she actually told me to do it (eg: Do you want to turn over? No! You need to turn over! OK!!! I was obviously being stubborn!

2) The MW told me to feel the baby's head as she was crowning, when I did all I could say was ''uuurgh!''

3) Was given a bed pan as was convinced I need to poo! I didn't so she took it away. I then started pushing to get lo out and apparantly I did poo then!

4) Telling the MW ''I told you so'' after I had only had gas and air after being induced and she had told me I would definitely need an epidural!

5) Whilst using G & A, the MW asked me if I was having a contraction (I wasn't) and I said Yes! She then asked me again and I said No like a naughty schoolgirl who had been caught doing something wrong! She then told me to take the gas and air out as I wasn't supposed to use it between contractions - I did and was acting really sheepish lol :)

I told my hubby I was going to shove something up his **** if he rubbed my lower back once more! I remember going to the loo just before I had her and had a contraction on the loo and shouting to rob I didnt want to get off the loo, apparently I insisted I was having the baby there!
I also refused to obey the MW, she kept asking me to turn over and I wouldnt and I kept shouting that the monitor monitioring the contractions was lieing as it wasnt picking them up properly.
xxx

well while i was delivering my last baby my other half and midwife were watching foxes out the window and i was just left to get on with the contractions, and then i said this babies coming now the midwife said dont be silly you will be fine she slowly walked to the bed and just caught baby just in time and then had the cheek to turn to me and say you could of let me put my gloves on lol, maybe she will liten in future instead of watching foxes lol

after i had been given an epidural i was asked to put my legs in the stirrups!! HA like that was gonna happen! i had my oh and a midwife on my left leg and my mum and another midwife lifting my right leg. My mum couldnt do anything for laughing! thank god i wasnt in pain and could laugh along too!!

ha ha these are so funny

1 . when I went into labour my contractions were2 mins apart so I went to hospital I was 6cm dilated and I proudly said to anyone that would listen that women were wusses and this wasa bloody poece of cake! Soon changed my tune layer though lol

I through the flannel in temper at my dh as he kept wetting my head and I didnt want to be wet and shouted at him to **** off out my sight

I then told my mom I was going home as I just couldnt do this!

I went mad at a poor student midwife as I wasnt allowed pain releif I said I was complaining to the organ grinder when this baby s out as I was sick of dealing with monkeys!

I was terrible towards the end but golden for thefirst 12 hours or so lol

my waters broke when I was in labour with Charlie - and I had loads of water!!! I insisted I needed a wee so walked all the way down to the toilets leaving a trail of water after me.. did a tiny wee on the toilet pot and walked all the way back lol leaving another trail of water all the way back up the coridoor back to my bed!!!

LOL these are funny!!! I have a couple of mad moments while having babies

With no 1 the mw's weer saying how lovely i was because i kept telling oh how much i loved him and that this was the most wonderful experience ever ......................... 21 hours later i was talking a little differently!!!! Son eventually emerged and i had a whole host of stitches so had legs in stirrups for them to stitch me up at just gone midnight my hubby said oh look its the 21st now - happy birthday hunni at which point a head peeped up between my legs and also wished me a happy birthday!!!

With no 2 a dr was called in to give me an internal soon after id had a shot of pethidine i told him he looked lovely and how lucky was he that his eyes matched the colour of his gown, when he put his gloves on i exclaimed oh thank god youve lovely long fingers too!!!!

With no 3 i remember getting to a certain point and then screaming for my handbag, i then rifled through it and started waving my credit card araound offereing anyone as much money as they liked but just to get the thing out of me now!!!!!

with no 4 the Mw said one more push and baby will be out, both my mum n hubby craned forward to look but i put them both in a head lock as i pushed and they never got to see son delivered!!!

Whoops!!!

My oh says i was the nicest person ever in labour and would love fo rme to be in labour all the time lol.
Once my waters had been broken i stood in the bath tub in my room and was chatting to everyone and anyone who would talk to me. at one point there were 3 midwives, 2 doctors my dad and oh all in the bathroom as my waters gushed out,lol.x

The doctors/consultants came in while i was in labour and asked how i was doing i couldn't believe it as my contractions were pretty much on top of each other and i was wanting to push but not allowed so a pretty daft question really but funny when i think about it now

hope they dont ask daft questions this time as i got two to push out this time if im allowed a natural birth

MummyD

[Modified by: MummyDubeXxX on June 27, 2009 10:39 PM]

With my first baby I had a spinal and labour failed to progress. I wanted some water and they only had strawberry flavour in the machine. When they decided that I was to have an emergency section I had just drank a load of water and when they topped my spinal up it made me throw up. All the staff that came in kept saying what a lovely smell of strawberries there was in the room and I was thinking oh god thats my puke! I was quite out of it after my section but remember telling the midwive a long story about taking my suitcase on holiday with only shoes and make up in it, and I had to put all my clothes in Bens case as nothing else would fit in. Poor woman - I was going on and on! With my second the surgeon came in to get the consent form for the section signed when I was on the g&a and I couldnt stop laughing. All the staff were laughing at me as they asked me to move and I said not at the moment thank you. They said but you need to go to theater, were not operating here. Also the bloke that was sat with me talking me through the op was so nice, but very gay, but I was lusting after him the whole way through. He was stroking my hair and I was in love for them 15 minutes!!

These have had me seriously laughing out loud... but I have a feeling most of it is nervous laughter!!! One of my biggest worries about labour is not being in control and saying/doing something stupid and these stories are just confirming that that's quite likely!

x 29+6

OMG, these are hilarious! :lol:
M x
20+1

The gas and air doesn't work on me so I had none of these experiences with it and just didn't bother with it with my second and just had the pethadine.

I think the funniest thing about my labour was with my son when I was finally allowed in the shower and it was the only thing relieving my pain and my obgyn came in and asked if I wanted to get out of the shower to which I answered in a very scary way NO! He looked at my partner and said "right we will leave her there then shall we". To which my partner gave a knowing nod lol. I must have been quite a scary site.

Gas & air does strange things. I thought I was in space & felt like a Thunderbird puppet. I felt like two people in one, like I was being overtaken by the person on g&a.

I got really angry about blackcurrant squash, as the smell made me feel sick. I kept saying to my partner, "Who put 'beana' in my water? Did you? Get rid of it? I don't want 'beana'. Tell them I don't want 'beana'. Appently I ranted for a bit.

I nearly had my son down the loo. Said to my MW, "I don't want him in here?" but wouldn't leave. So my son was born in a bathroom.

OMG absolutly hilarious! Laugh out loud funny!

Amy
14+4

I've been trying not to laugh out loud in the office!! lol So funny!

C xxx
15+6

While on the wonderful gas and air! I kept telling everyone I feel like I need to poo, but obviously it was the head crowning! And told my hubby that I felt like I was sat in the grass at the park, looking out at the bay, my hubby thought I said I was at Thorpe Park and couldn't figure out what I was going on about! And the only time I swore during the whole labour was to tell my hubby the gas and air was f***ing good! Oh ans then 3 minutes after I had my son, I told everyone I want another baby, I must have been on the gas and air still!

Ali 25+2 x

These are so funny and are really cheering me up!!! Any more?

with baby no 1 my midwife was evil and wouldnt believe i was in pain n tried to take gas n air away so i locked my self in the toilet!!!

baby no 2 i said owww and got my head bitten off for moaning however when 10lb 11n ahalf mai appeared the mw in question hugged me n said i should have thrown in several swear words as not only was she big she was back to back owwww

baby no 3
throwing up blood over hubbies england top which he had been refusing to throw away even tho it was 5 yrs out of date n made him look like he had man boobies!!!!
then listening to my ipod n reading whilst the contractions were off the chart my mw kept saying oh my god ur like she ra or something lol!!!
then saying give her to me as baby was born only for oh to say ummm lolls babe thats the funniest looking girl ive ever seen!!! blinking mws told me deffinately a girl. hahahaa luckily i just fell in love with him xxxxxx

Bump! I want more of these, humour takes the scary prospect of labour away!! lol xxx

How funny are some of these ha ha ha
I had a very short labour with my second child and my waters didnt brake right until the end. I started to push and my oh had his head firmly placed between my legs to see the first signs of the baby coming, thankfully the mw suggested he move as my waters hadnt gone yet, a few second later the room turned into alien movie. With the next push they broke and hit the wall about 4 foot away, leaving not only my oh in total shock but even the midwife look in total disbelief.

beck x x

These are great, very funny and I'm relieved it wasn't just me

I don't have many from SBJr's birth cos I was so drugged I was barely conscious and barely remember it.

TJ's however...quite a few

1) MW broke my waters and then left us for a bit to see what happened. We had a puzzle book with us so told Takers to read out some quizzes. He chose one of those missing links puzzles. You have 3 words and need to find another word that joins them. Anyhoo - I hadn't had any contractions and he read one out just as a contraction started. I knew the answer but couldn't speak! He just sat there tapping the pen on his chin thinking and I wanted to shout at him! He moved on to the next one and when the contraction passed I just shouted out "table!"

2) Gas and air...fab stuff! MW gave it to me and I just giggled. Takers said "oh has it passed?" and I laughed "no, it's f***ing agony" whilst smiling away!

3) Watch out for the ducks!! Apparently I kept talking about the ducks in the room. Takers nipped to the loo and I told him to make sure he didn't splash the ducks MW took the g&a away from me 1.5hrs before TJ was born - she reckoned she needed me with her rather than the ducks

4) I was on the drip and the contractions came thick and fast. The monitor was saying they were only hitting 7% but they flipping weren't! I also shouted that the monitor was lying! MW adjusted it and it leapt up to 47%...the look on Takers face was fab! He went very pale

5) I begged and begged for pain relief. I told Takers that under NO circumstances was I to have pethidine. The anethesatist (so can't spell that!) was in theatre so I couldn't have an epidural. When mw said he was unavailable I said "is he needed there then?", she smiled and said "he has a patient on the table"...hmmm "but is he REALLY needed? Is it vital?" Apparently he was So I asked for pethidine and Takers said no. I asked again and he said "you told me to say no" and I shouted "I don't f***ing care what I told you then!" The mw wouldn't give it to me though cos I reacted so badly last time - I am so pleased they both stuck to their guns and ignored me, wasn't at the time though.

6) TJ was born at 6.33pm. I asked if I could go home at 6.42pm

wen i had my son he was in the wrong position to come out so it was taking ages so m/w suggested i get on my hands and knees and hang over the front of the bed and she lifted the bed up so i was about 4 foot in the air, then i decided i needed a wee and before they had time to lower the bed i dived off and had 1 leg on the floor and 1 on the bed with the door wide open flashing the world!! lmao!! not funny at the time but now i can look bk and laugh!! hehe x

with my first i had pethadine and reacted badley, i was screaming the place down and told the Drs that it was MY body and to leave me alone!!

With my 3rd baby i had ordered a curry to try and get things moving the door went so i went to pay the man opened the door and had a HUGE contraction the look on the mans face was priceless. I kept phoning the labour word who said stay at home you will be ages yet but i knew it was going to be quick by how strong the contractions were and after 2 more calls the mw said well come in but we will probabley send you home again when i got there she took one look at me and said omg get her in the room i had hubby trying to pull of one boot and the mw trying to pull off the othere just as i got on the bed my waters shot accross the room and just missed the mw who was frantically trying to get her gloves on just as my ds shot out on the bed lol my labour was 45mins from start to finish and as i sat there in shock holding my soon i looked up at the mw and said hello nice to meet you lol.

omg! i have been crying with laughter! i hope i end up having something funny to look back on! :lol::lol:

OMG i am sat in my office laughing out loud!! It has also scared me a little of what is to come!! Keep them coming! lol lol lol

Sxx
28+0

heehee.

hubbie only told me this story the other day.....

i had a haemorrage after the birth due to the placenta failing to deliver. i couldnt see what was going on but could feel it all.

anyway hubbie was holding baby while docs and midwifes were working away to control the bleeding and deliver the placenta. hubbie saw two very large red lumps come out of me and panicked and asked the midwifes 'what the *uck are they*. midwifes replied dont worry there blood clots. hubbie said 'thank *uck for that i thought they were her kidneys'

made me fall about laughing when he told me as id heard none of this. dont think id have found it funny at the time though.

OH MY GOD SOOO FUNNY

my best mate told me she was telling every one she was dieing on her gas and air . her mw had to say no ur not ur in labour !! tee hee

i was in the bath in my hospital room totally out of it on gas and air and remember tellin my oh that i felt like i was in a fish tank!!!

xxx

lol oh im so glad im not the only one, when i was haveing my 1st daughter the midwife kept puttin her fingers up my lulu (soz ladies) and i was getting really peed of with it as she kept makeing a point of doing it so i told her if she dint pi** of and get her fingers outta my ladie bits (the words were more grafic then that) that id chuck her out the f**kin window lol, i also told them i wanted to push and they said the baby wont be here till at least lunch time the nxt day bearing in mind this was 2am, the midwife said oh u dont need to push yet its jus pressure blah blah i said to her i want to f**kin ush and my baby is cuming now so she had a look and said u are 10cm's i was like hmmmm that told you.

the worst part about it is she was a friend of my mums haha i did apoligise to her for my languge tho..
im now expecting no 2 and hopeing this labour will be a bit more relaxed.

donna 17+5 x

These are so funny, reminds me of the better bits of my labour when i had dd no 2.

I had to wait for a room to become available and i was induced so i was on labour ward which had 3 other beds in and pregnant ladies of all different stages coming in and out all afternoon and night-i was having very painful contractions and kept trying to stop myself from crying out loud or screaming because i didn't want to scare the pregnant ladies on the ward!

Once i got into my own room i went straight on gas and air (love it) and just started giggling and couldn't stop for about half hour! My MIL, my dad and hubby thought it was halirious! I was in so much pain but just kept laughing even when i had the gas and air tube in my mouth!

I couldn't stop eating (was oposite with 1st dd)-i was just so hungry so inbetween contractions my dad was passing me bits of toast, i had the gas and air tube in one hand and toast in the other! My dad took the toast off me while i had a contraction and once it had stopped i just put my hand out and he gave it back to me lol! I was trying to eat as much as i could inbetween contractions!
Things slowed up for about 2 hours so i made hubby go out and get me mcdonalds but when he got back with it the midwife told me not to eat to much and so they all sat eating there burgers and i could only have few chips-i was hoping for a burger, milkshake and mcflurry!!

lol keep them coming sooo funny

BUMP!

I have had 5 kids so I should be awash with funny tales.

Nothing to report on 1st as she was a vaginal breech...took 100 days (not really) and I was drugged to eyeballs. However a week before she came I was shopping with my mum and had really severe pains that had me doubled over the trolley. As baby was breech I was told to come in when I was worried at all. We went to the hosp and my lovely consultant was called to see me.
Mr Toop...Hi Denise, can you describe to me where you got the pains
Me.....OOhhhh yes, it was at the new Tesco Superstore.
Mr Toop and various staff in the room......roll around the floor laughing
Me...what????
Mr Toop..I meant, where on your body did you get the pains
Me....blushing.....ohhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

No 2... can't think of anything there either really!!!!

No 3... I had him in a private hospital as we now live in Bahrain. It was full and I was admitted to the Royal Families private suite. My waters had broken and the mw sent me to get a gown on and told me to leave my pants off. I walked from the bathroom across this lush cream carpet and my waters really went...blood and pinky water all over this expensive carpet...strangley enough they soon found a room on the labour ward......
When I finally delivered him (he was back to back) I just kept saying..its my son, my son, my son....the mw was like..errr yeah its a boy well done. I kept saying it and getting more and more aggressive. In the end I shouted....I know its a fu**ing boy, I am saying he looks like my other son.... its him all over again
No 4...he was fast and furious... 2 and half hours from start to finish. The hosp wanted to see our hospital card before they would open the doors (it was 4am) I had left it at home in our haste. I picked up a nearby traffic cone and said ...open this door or I will smash it with this you stupid bast***!!!! That got their attention. I was screaming the ward down as they pushed me to a room. The mw was a bit terse with me and asked if I could keep it down as ladies were sleeping I replied very politiely.....'No I fu**ing cant' she then examined me and I was 9cm and she could see the head. She was like..Oh I see, sorry about that Denise, go ahead and scream all you want' Charlie came out a huge 9lb 4oz a little later.

Amelia, my last was not funny at all as she was an emeg c section due to heamorraging with placenta previa. However, when they put my spinal in and started to work on me I kept telling them that they had left my right leg up in a bent position. They kept tellling me that they hadn't but I was not convinced. also, when he test sprayed with me with the cold spray to see if i could feel anything I told him I could (even tho i couldnt) he had only done a spinal as we were waiting for the neonatologist and he did not want to proceed without her as I was only 35 weeks. She arrived during this and he said, right thats it you have to have GA then.... I was like,, ohh do it again...ahh I did not feel that time...hee hee...

d xxx

When in labour with my son I apparently asked the midwife and anesthetist whether the hospital still sent their laundry to Holland lol. Also I ended up having a ventouse and when I'd pushed out the head I asked DH what colour hair he had to which he replied "I dunno he has a sucker on his head!"

Berly....that is sooo funny. Your poor OH must have been so scared to see you deliver your 2 kidneys...

d xx

hubbie must have thought id exploded internally. probably thinking OMG whats going to come out of there next!!!

hmmmm how long have you got lol

when i had my daughter 2 years ago i was off my head on gas and air, the doc came in to give me my epidural and i was saying to him, ive just seen you on a big red bus on the way over here, he was like yeh ok hayley.

then when i had my son 6 months ago i was wreacked again on gas and air but this time my mouth and hands went in to spazm, so when i was asking for a drink my lips were stuck together and pointed out like a ducks beak, hubby thought it was so funny he neally weed himself, im glad he seen the funny side of it coz at the time i never lol then when this doc came in to give me epidural to take me to theater, i was doing his head in saying i know you, you done my epidural last time, he was like no i havent been here long, i was saying yes you have dont lie to me, ohhhh the shame, hope it doesnt have this time with baby no3, lol x