Feels like Im sinking....................Sorry just need to get this off my chest

I have had a really hard time of it since I had my baby. I really wanted to breastfeed my baby and this went wrong from the very beginning. I was not producing enough colostrum so my baby was constantly wanting to feed. He then became very dehydrated so I had to give him top up feeds of formula. Unfortunately my milk didnt come in until day 7 so the top ups had increased to 2oz by this point. Because originally I didnt produce enough colostrum My baby was constantly wanting to feed so my nipples became cracked and bleeding. I was advised by the midwife to get some nipple shields but my baby refused to latch on to them so I carried on feeding it was incredibly painful and I found myself in tears everytime I fed. Because my baby was so used to top ups he would feed from me for 10mins then want his bottle, if I tried to latch him back on he would scream. He eventually managed to start gaining weight so I decided to try to express some milk to top him up, but this made my nipples bleed so badly yet again and I only ever managed an ounce. I carried on like this for a few days then my left breast became hard red and extremely painful and I found out I had mastitis. I tried to feed of my right breast only but my baby would only latch on for 2mins then scream. It became so painful I had to make the heart breaking choice to give up breastfeeding. I felt like a complete failure as its completely natural to feed your baby. Why couldn't I manage it.

So I began so formula feed my son he would only take 2oz every 2hours day and night. Them he would be sick he would cry when the bottle was in his mouth and he is very clingy indeed. If I try to put him down he screams that much he holds his breath. I now can get him to take 4oz some feeds but others he only takes 2oz and wants fed every 2 hrs its really taking its tole on me as I cant get anything done, He is so unsettled during the day. I have bought a carrier to put him in so I can make bottles and eat.

To top it all off Im so run down. I have an incredibly bad cold and a sore throat and feel so lousy
Please can some tell me they have experienced this and it gets easier

sorry for the rant

i feel really sorry for you... and your not a failure you tried that is all that matters .... have you tried infacol he could have trapped wind goodluck hun xxx

Yeah Iv tried infacol it did help but then he started being sick so I had to stop. He does pump quite alot though so not too sure if its trapped wind

Hi Sobroodynow,

I had to give in brestfeeding after 24 hours and felt very much like I'd let baby down and got really upset about it. Fortunately my husband, parents and the midwives were all really supportive and helped me to understand that I tried, it wasn't for us and that baby is not being let down. He's eating and he's healthy.

Now, we also have an issue with wind/reflux. The infacol meant he was being sick after feeds so the midwife made him a docs appointment and he now has something to thicken his milk so he can keep it down a bit better. I'd love to say he's stopped crying but it hasn't happened. Think we're just gonna have to wait for him to grow a bit and his guts to straighten out some. The midwife isn't worried anyway! It's just very wearing.

Anyway, now the thickener has been introduced we can use the infacol again so hopefully that'll take effect soon.

Hope that helps a bit?
Clare x

just to give you some support ,ive had three children and only one would breastfeed for a while. dont be hard on yourself some babies are clingy and get so used to be held (breastfeeding can do that) that they think somethings up if they are not held.i had to give up with my son because i was hallucinating practically because so little sleep and food.so i put on his mobile and started off by sitting by cot and talking to him.i had to get tough cause i had an 18 month old and seven yr old to care for.as long as colic isnt a problem i think your baby likes being held all the time.small steps to cure it.even talking while baby in bouncer, if you busy can help. you need a break cause you sound so tired i hope you ok .(it does get better i promise)xxxxx