Hi

I went to a wedding yesterday and saw a lot of my hubby's family there. They were all cooing over my lo who is nearly 4 1/2 months and saying how big he is, how lovely he is etc. A fair few of my hubby's female relatives started asking about how he's going with feeding, how often and how much and if he's sleeping through. I replied that he feeds around every 2 -3 hours and that I didn't know how much he has at each feed as I am BF him and that he doesn't sleep through, he generally goes 3-4 hours through the night.

They all seemed a bit shocked that I am still BF him which surprised me, lt's ike they thought he was too old now or it's something you only do for the first few weeks (no offence intended to anyone who did stop after a short time - I just think that if it's going well then there's no reason for me personally to stop). One even went so far as to say that he's a big baby and maybe he'd go longer between feeds and sleep through better on formula! Who asked for her opinion?!! Not me!! He is big yes, he's 19 weeks tomorrow and was 14lb 5oz 3 weeks ago but for now I am prefectly sure that my BM is satisfying him as he is a happy, contented, very smiley baby who is thriving so why she thought I would just stop and take her advice I have no idea!!

Has anyone else had this reaction from people? I just thought that it was really unsupportive of them and it made me a bit mad with them. Why wouldn't I still be feeding him if I can, he's only 4 months old?

xx

I think it's really common for a lot of people to assume that babies that don't sleep through must be hungry. I don't think it's anti bf or anything I just think there is a lot of info about the pros and cons of bf and ff that gets misunderstood. my sister is bf her 6 month old who is a really healthy weight and she has gone from sleeping through from early on, to being unsettled and wanting to feed through the night, but she's just got her first 2 teeth which counts for a lot of it as she is def not hungry. we all know that no 2 babies are the same bf or ff.

Oh god don't even get me started! My lo is only 2 weeks old, and i'm already getting comments from the MIL about how its about time i stopped. She thinks its selfish to breastfeed as nobody else gets a turn feeding the baby (i do express 1 bottle a day for OH to feed her, but there's no way she's getting the privelige of feeding my baby!) and seems to think that its something you only really need to do for a few days then its natural to switch to formula. Thats fine, if thats what i wanted to do, but its not! I'm really enjoying feeding my baby, and she is happy and content, so why on earth would i stop?? Sorry to hijack yyour post there, just its been a really sore subject for me! Just ignore them hun, and keep on doing what makes you and your lo happy xxx

I just wish some people would keep their opinions to themselves as life is hard enough as it is. Some people are so ignorant. Sorry Im going off on one, I get this sometimes from my family, like Im meant to feel guilty that I have to justify my actions sometimes. Anyway's lo's weight gain is more than good enough to show that she is thriving.

Oh and Kelly i meant to say your lo looks absolutely gorgeous in that pic!

Aw, thanks Lynz! That's actually the middle one, he's 18 months old, he was about 10 months in the picture. He's a little rascal, such hard work chasing around after him and his older brother who is 3 1/2.

I know what you mean about people thinking it's selfish to BF too, even my mum has commented that "he should be on a bottle so that people can help". I can see what she means about the help, the other 2 need entertaining whilst I feed the baby, but she could entertain them whilst I feed, it shouldn't have to be that she feeds the baby and I look after the other 2. I think what she means is that she wants to feed him!

thats the prob with my MIL! She keeps making snidey comments about how she cant wait to feed and wind her, and how its not fair, blah blah blah, but all its done is make me more determined to keep BF going until she's 12!!!! (ok, not quite 12, but y'know) I am getting better at moving around whilst feeding her now, just this morning i managed to get the boys clothes out of their wardrobes and bring them downstairs with Bella happily attached! xxxx

I wish people would keep their opinions to themselves. I breastfed my son for a year and people were horrified when I told them I was still feeding him myself. They kept saying 'oh isn't it about time he had a bottle' etc etc etc!!! Excuse me, he's my son and I'll keep giving him breatmilk for as long as I wasnt to.
People seem to have an obsession with stopping breastfeeding, I don't know why cos ITS THE MOST NATURAL THING IN THE WORLD
Keep going hun, you have my support to keep going for as long as you both want to xxxxx

Lu007 I couldnt agree more! I'm still bf at 16 months and (although I am cutting down and trying to stop now) I wouldn't like other people commenting on it....x

Good for you mimsywoowoo!! I wish I could have carried on for longer but my milk had more or less dried up!

Thanks Lu007, I'm not sure she actually gets that much bm anymore! She drinks nicely from a cup aswell, so I think it may just be a comfort thing! xx

Hi hope you don't mind me gatecrashing..... its really interesting to read this post......i ff my baby but it seems that whatever we do people seem to think that they can tell us how to feed our lo's. I have had people call me selfish for ff (people i don't even know!! ). Personally i can't see how bf is selfish as you are feeding your lo. As for those that think that formula means you get loads of sleep RUBBISH! my 3mth lo goes about 4hr at most at night so even if your were to swap (not that i am in any way saying that you should) then you still may not get any more rest. I thought the guidelines were that if you breast feed (and can take to it) then 6mths is normally average so i cant see why at 4 1/2 mths people were surprised you were still feeding.
I say if you enjoy feeding your lo then go for it ! However i think I would probably double take if i saw a 12yr being bf lynz81 lol!!! (or ff!!!!)

Oh yes I have had this too!

Comments such as "Its a shame you are breastfeeding as no-one can help you" Oh so no-one can wind baby, bath him, cuddle him, take him for a walk etc etc???

I completely agree Dinks, feeding is not the only way other people can help and bond with the baby. Some people make me mad!!!!

Lynz_81 - My baby is due in September and i'm hoping to breastfeed but already my MIL has said but "DH won't be able to feed the baby if your doing it all how selfish!!!!" I was going to express bottles for the nightfeeds as DH has already said he would love to do the night feeds (he is an angel!!). I'm sure it'll be the first comment of many that i will get from various people!!
It our choice ladies how we feed our lo's let people comment i say!
xx
Baby_Princess

[Modified by: Baby_Princess on May 13, 2009 08:54 AM]

Hi there

well my lo was 10lb 8oz when he was born & my in-laws all harped on about how he'd need a top up bottle as he was so big, yeah right well at 14wk he was just under 18lb & he is totally BF I am really happy to carry on feeding him & he is a happy boy, yes he still wakes in the night, in fact he now wakes twice which is a real drain but who am I to say that would stop if he had formula or baby rice

I say go with what feels right & ignore other peoples ignorant comments!!

Sarah
xxx

i've had comments too from some family members who think its not fair for dad to not be able to feed! luckily my dh is really pro bf and wouldnt dream of asking me if he could give lo a bottle. this family member often brings this up, i've no idea why he is so bothered about my dh not having fed our baby???? also people do seem to ask me when i'm going to stop, all the time! my sis is always saying- why dont yo start giving her a bottle to help her sleep through? aarrrgh

I wish I could have breastfed longer. You get a different reaction here. You get dirty looks if you formula feed and get told alot how breastmilk is much better, which I totally agree but sometimes you just can't. If things were different with my lo I would be still breastfeeding.

I didnt see this the first time it came up. I went to baby group yesterday and it would appear that there are now only 2 people breastfeeding (including me). The group is a fair size and there were a couple of other people bfing before but they have gradually given up. They said they want their body back or its too inconveniant. I just feel a bit confused at the mo. I love breastfeeding its so easy and if my lo gets too upset I can settle him really easily by feeding him! Problem is when people I know mention bfing they normally mention it in a bad light. In my opinion bfing is the best for my baby so why do I feel like people are putting me down? Im now trying to express 2times every day - night and morning - so that I can give my lo a bottle when Im out and about.

I tried to speak to my OH about it last night and he said that it will look odd if Im still bfing a 1 yr old Im not going to give up but Im so fed up of people expecting me to put my lo onto ff when hes 6months old. I had really bad time with my skin when I was little and Im convinced it was cause I was ff. I really dont want my lo to have the same problems.

Sorry rant over

WTF is wrong with these people, aaaaarrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!! Keep their bloody stupid opinions to their selves!!

I breastfed my 1st dd til she was 15mths because she was allergic to every other milk ever made and I'm successfully feeding my 22wk old prem baby now with not the slightest intention of giving up for months!!
My MIL goes on about bf like its something to be ashamed of!
My response should be something like " Did you try to bf and failed or is there another reason for your resentment to your grandchildren having the best start in life??!"

I hate the fact that people think they have a right to even comment on something so personal anyway, no matter who they are!!!
I'll shut up now because I could rant about this forever

Stick to bf for as long as you can/want ladies
Stuff all the opinions xx

yes i am with everyone. Usually MIL want to feed baby themselves. Well i think if they want to that bad they should have their own baby. They had their chance before now its yours and you dont get a 2nd go at this one so keep feeding to what you want. I found even if they dont sleep through they are more settled even if you need to feed. I am just dropping the odd feed now but most of it natural with weaning and 1 bottle in afternoon but thats because of going back to work the nursery need to be able to do it.
Why is it the MIL not your own mom?
If you want to feed a baby then have one, if not then leave the moms to do their own thing.

I too have had reactions about bf with regard to being selfish - MIL AGAIN!!!! What is with MILs and being anti-BF?!?! I don't see why people have such a problem with bf, it is totally bizarre in my opinion - as someone else said, there are plenty of other things people can do to help/bond with the baby! I really struggled to get bf established with the pain of cracked, bleeding nipples, engorgement, etc and I now really enjoy it, so I intend to continue till LO is at least 6 months!!! I have to say, two fingers up to everyone else who has an opinion to the contrary LOL.

x

my mum's been worse than my mil! I've had constant comments like 'are you sure he's getting enough?' 'a bottle would give you a break' 'if you don't give him a bottle now he might refuse to take one when he's older and he needs to' 'why won't you let me give him a bottle?' BECAUSE HE'S GETTING WHAT HE NEEDS FROM ME AND HE DOESN'T NEED A BOTTLE!!! Is it just a difference between generations do you think?

Well, it's been about a month and a half since I first posted this and I am happy to say I am still BF Toby and he's 6 months old on Monday.

I have just learnt now to ignore people!

I think everyone is now pretty used to me BF Toby and they don't say anything negative which is great. The only comments I get now are from my hubby asking when he can have my boobies back from Toby!!
I just tell him he'll have to wait until Toby decides!! (sorry, maybe TMI )

I think they can all see that he's gaining weight nicely, he was 25 weeks on Monday and last Friday weighed 16lb 15oz, so they can't argue that he's not getting what he needs from me!

Angel00 - I plan to feed Toby for as long as he wants it, if people have a problem with it then they need to deal with that! Why should you feel like you're doing something wrong when you're doing something so natural??

[Modified by: xx Kelly xx on June 23, 2009 09:56 PM]

i'm still bf Ruby and she's 6 months next tues! thought i was going to stop at 6 months but just cant do it!
dh also wonders when he's gonna get boobies back! he tried to touch one this morning, and i just looked at him like "er, get off!" somehow just cant let him near them whilst lactating!!!
also everyone has seemed to stop asking when i'm stopping, except my sister who i think keeps asking cos she has to compare everything i do with what she's done.

wow ladies well done for ignoring the comments and carrying on! Bella is now just coming up for 9 weeks, i'm still exclusively BF and i love it! Yes she wakes in the night etc but i can latch her on really easily now and dont even need to turn the light on most of the time, so we're not doing too badly at all! Still getting comments from the MIL, the other day she said she thinks i must be giving her FF on the sly because BF babies are "scrawny skinny little things" and Bella is getting quite chubby! I could have slapped her! SOME bf babies are skinny, as are some ff babies, and vice versa! I also had some stern words with an old lady in the shopping centre the other day, who told me that exposing my body parts in public was obscene. I pointed out that BFing is what breasts are actually made for, that my baby's head covered up everything anyway, as did the blanket i'd put over myself, and that she didnt have to stare if she didnt like it. She soon shut up! I'm proud of the fact that i'm giving my baby the best start in life, and i'm certainly not going to justify myself to strangers for doing whats natural! I dont ever just get them out, i make sure i've got the booby blanket (thats what my 7 year old has christened it lol) and i show a lot less than most teenagers do in their low cut tops!!
I dont find it inconvenient at all, quite the opposite, i think i'd find sterilising, boiling the kettle, counting scoops etc etc etc inconvenient, especially in the middle of the night! I'm now planning on carrying on til Bella is at least 6 months, and then wean her off slowly so that i've stopped by the time she's a year. But remember, if you ever see my MIL and she asks, i'm carrying on til she's 12 ok?!!! xx

I've been lucky by the sounds of it, as I've never had any negative reactions from anybody about bf. Lily is coming up 7 months now and on 3 meals a day, but still has 4ish bfs a day. I love it and like many of you ladies don't plan on stopping until she wants to (or until no.2 is on the way and the bump prevents it!)

It's such a shame people feel the need to comment, whether babies are bf or ff!

i've lucky too...although my mil did ask if i'd be weaning her off soon!

i plan to carry on for as long as poss. if i'm honest its been a struggle but glad i've stucked to it especially as i've been back at work dince she was 14 weeks.

i think its only the uk that recommend up to a yr where as over the world they recommend up to 2 yrs or longer.

x

I think its less accepted in this country than most other countries which is sad. In one of the leaflets i got when discharged from the hospital it said breastfeeding is beneficial for two years and beyond, but can you imagine the looks you would get if you sat down to BF your 2 year old in a cafe or something? If i'm honest i cant see myself going past a year, but who knows! My PIL have a holiday home in Spain so we go there quite a bit, and over there BFing is totally the norm, nobody takes any notice whatsoever which is the way i think it should be! We're going over in August, and i have no worries whatsoever about feeding Bella over there, as you are welcomed in restaurants, cafes etc, whereas here i always feel i have to ask! They're great with Luca too, he's not the quietest of children, but nobody stares unless its to smille and tell us he's beautiful. You know what, i think i might just move there!! lol xx

you're right this country is far from accepting.

when i was in the job centre with my oh (he was made redundant so was at a job seekers meeting) i asked if it was okand the lady said i don't mind but other might so i had to sit on a chair facing away!

i wish i hadn't have accepted that but i was a new mum and didn't dare say anything.

seems silly here to have to ask permission to feed our babies x

My rough rule of thumb when it comes to "asking permission" is: if I was somewhere where I felt it was appropriate to have a drink or eat a sarnie myself, then I'd feed my baby there without a second thought - so cafes, friends' houses, the bus and so on.

In certain situations (eg in the company of someone I don't know very well, or at work) I'd either ask if they minded, or take us off somewhere private to do it, just out of politeness. Can count the number of times I've had to do this on one hand, though.

hi i Bf my LO till he was 16 months i think its just cuz i liked the 'us' time and the bonding i did get the odd time where i was asked if i was ever going to stop but if it wasnt for his tantrums and starting to grab at my top whenever he wanted i'd probably still be bf him now n he's 20 months but another reason was we wanted to try for another baby and had not been on the pill for 6 months and not conceived so i put it down to the bf stopping us conceive and as soon as i stopped we got pg and now 21+5 weeks with twins and im plan on bf them as long as i can i think i may have to express as well tho so i can have one hand free and my DH can feed one or my LO maybe can

MummyD

I've been lucky enough to get very little grief about feeding my 2. The only member of my family that has been stupid enough to say anything is my gran and we all know that she's an opinionated old bat My mum and my mil both bfed their babies though so I think it was always just assumed that I would.
Tbh I'm in no hurry to stop. Barney will be 1 on Wednesday and he's still bfing. We are down to one feed a day, in the morning in bed, so no one except oh ever sees. It's so nice to curl up with him for ten mins before we get up that I don't hink I'll be pushing him to give it up any time soon.
xx

i've really enjoyed reading this thread, because my baby is now 6 and a half months old and has just built up to 3 solid meals a day, and only now that he's eating so well, have people started asking about when i'm going to stop feeding him.

at the begining i used to say 6 months, because i was struggling, but now i'm finding it so easy and enjoyable i don't want to stop ..... but the thing is i don't know when i will want to stop! i just love cuddling up together, taking time out and i really enjoy feeding him, and (does this sound weird?) knowing that only i can do that?

theo is my first baby, so i've never experienced this before - do you just know when the right time is to stop breastfeeding? i want to continue until he's at least one, but i'll be returning to work then, so will prob have to start getting him to bottles a few weeks before then so everything doesn't all happen at once, but i'd like to keep up the evening and morning feeds - it's so lovely isn't it? xxx

I've been lurking on this thread for a few wkd now, but never needed to post anything as only been getting positive comments about bfing. All of a sudden in the last week I've had loads of opinions from ppl as to why I should start ff! And it's really gotten to me as I thought bfing was meant to be a good thing and now I'm beginning to doubt myself cos of other ppls opinions ( which is silly I know, but I can't help it).
First of all my mil who was originally pro bfing as she bf both her sons spent most of fri telling me all about her friend who's got a lo a few weeks older than mine (who is 6 wks) that has stopped bfing cos it was too demanding and is now ff and if by magic the baby is now angelic and sleeps all night and never cries and changes it's own nappy and burps itself blah blah blah and maybe I should start ff as bfing is taking it's toll on me ( I have no idea where that came from as I've never complained about it!). I think she got freaked out about the idea of demand feeding and my lo does feed a lot ( every 1-3 hours sometimes more frequent). But I honestly don't mind- she's only 6 wkd old!
Another person who is a mw ( ! ) suggested giving her a bottle at night. But I don't want to! She's fine and I'm fine, she just loves bfing. Why limit her time there? Especially when she's still so little.
Unfortunately she had a growth spurt over the wkend, so I was constantly feeding her. It was pretty tough as my nipples were getting sore from all the extra nursing and I started to think maybe I can't do this and she needs formula. Thank god I have a supportive hubby as he talked me out of it and now I'm bk on track! Just wish ppl would keep their opinions to themselves sometimes as it messes around with your confidence. Sorry rant over now! Just needed to let off steam! Go bfing mummies and ff feeding mummies! Do what's right by you and your lo and sod anyone who says otherwise! Xxx

Well, I can officially stick 2 fingers up (very childish, I know!) to everyone who doubted that Toby was getting what he needed from me.

He had a hospital appointment with his consultant (he has kidney reflux) on Thursday and he couldn't believe his weight to say he's an exclusively BF baby!! I was thrilled!! He's exactly 6 months today and on Thursday he was 17lb 5oz!! YAY!!

So, tomorrow I will enter in to my 7th month of BF and I have no intention of stopping yet!! Screw other people who have a problem with it!!

Quote:

GRRR You see this will be my biggest downfall I think I would end up getting threw out of somewhere if anyone said something like that to me! I just cannot contrl my anger when listening to stupid ppl lol

Hi I am really pleased that I am not the only one having problems from the MIL about bf since he was about 10 days. She thought I should put on the bottle as it took me a while to get established and for me and him to get use to it but we suceeded and I am still bf him at 5 1/2 months much to her annoyance but it just made me more detmined to do it!
Where as my mum has been really supportive and still is.

It makes me SO angry when people stick their noses in when you say you're bresast feeding. I fed my little boy for a year and I'm VERY proud to have done it. Keep it up, hun and don't let ANYONE bully you into giving up beforw you're ready too. You've got my supprt xxxxxxx

I find all the other posts here intresting cos of other peoples reactions.

In my family its normal to feed until two or three years of age if you can or want to. When i had my baby the hospitel had me giving top ups because of jaundice. Once it cleared up and i came home my mum and sister came to stay with me for a week to help me off the top ups and to bf only. The bf midwife thought this was wrong! what is more natural than learning a skill from the women in your family! My family was much more help than the bf midwife. My baby if 5 months old and i'm still bf. When i suggested i might use follow on milk when He is one i got scolded by my sister with " you have breastmilk why buy stuff when your body can do it naturally and for free and its 100% better than anything you can buy?"

My FIL came with me to get lo wieghed and then to BF drop in and asked "do you have a bottle incase you need to feed him when we are out?" i replied "I am the bottle". My MIL told me she bf my Husband for 3 weeks but didn't have enough milk so stoped. For 3 Months every time she was at my house i was feeding and she would say "Is that baby starving beacuse he is always feeding" I felt like she was getting at me but then relised if she didn't feed as much as me then thats why she didn't have enough milk maybe and if my lo was ok then i would feed as much and often as he wanted me too regardless of her (and i told her so).

My Husbands male friends refuse to come in the room when i feed lo even when both me and my Husband told them they couldn't see anything and that i was decent. I just think to my self growup.

I think people will always comment on how i raise my child but its up to me if i listen or not.

I think you should do what feels right for you, your baby and your OH.

hey welsbynature, i actually think learning from your mum and sis is lovely! Much better to have the help and support from somebody you trust and feel comfortable with than a stranger who will only tell you what the textbook says, and woe betide you if you dont conform with that textbook!
I'm glad my mum has been so supportive of me, she's also given me lots of good advice re expressing etc. She's a student midwife so has learnt a lot from that, but also BF us, including my little sister who was born at 26 weeks and was in NICU for almost 4 months. Everyone told her it wouldnt be possible, but she carried on BFing for 6 months after she came home too!
I'm now in my 12th week exclusively BF, and i'm really proud of myself! MIL has all but stopped the comments now, think she's given up lol. What i find annoying these days is that a lot of my friends who've had babies recently are all FF, and go on and on at me about how much better they think FF is and how i should switch now so that Bella sleeps through the night. I don't care if she wakes up, so why on earth is it bothering them! But i still feel awkward saying how great i think BFing is, because as soon as I try to talk about the benefits I get accused of "pushing" BF on other people, or trying to make them feel guilty for FF! Thats not my intention at all, i just think i've listened to their opinion of why formula works better for them and their babies, so why can't they listen to my reasons for feeling BF is better for me and my baby? Or just stop nagging me about switching to formula, and then i won't mention methods of feeding at all lol