By Prima Baby magazine's Kelly Beswick
My 2-year-old twins are different in practically every respect, but nowhere does their individual personalities show up more than when they're sitting in their highchairs, tucking into a meal.
My son Kit, bless his little cotton socks, will usually ask me for his ‘bibby' before I've even had a chance to place his food in front of him. He simply hates getting in a mess. It really upsets him. In order to avoid any possible spills, on clothes or face, he's devised a way of opening his mouth so wide that the spoon doesn't even touch the sides. He'll then savour each mouthful, chewing intently, and will not take any more until everything's swallowed. I haven't taught him this, I swear. It just comes naturally! Should a scrap of scrambled egg happen to tumble off the spoon, as quick as a flash he's calling for ‘tissue Mama, please.'
Meanwhile, sitting happily amid a scene that wouldn't look amiss at a chimpanzee's tea party is his sister Natasha, dreamily squeezing mash potato through her fingers before running it through her hair. My gorgeous little girl seems o take an almost sensual pleasure in touching and feeling her food. Cutlery, it seems, is just a hindrance to her enjoyment.
Between the smearing, splattering and pulverising, she'll cram in huge mouthfuls, but it's almost as if it's an afterthought. And sometimes, after a bit of chewing, she'll spit it out again, just to see what it looks like. Disgusting, I know, but so far my attempts at instilling table manners have fallen on deaf ears. Let's hope this habit has disappeared by the time she goes on her first dinner date!
As well as their very different eating styles, Kit and Natasha also enjoy very different foods. He loves his vegetables, while she can't get enough fruit. She eats fish like it's going out of fashion, while he, if given the choice, much prefers meat. No wonder the old nursery rhyme about Jack Sprat frequently springs to mind.
Now I can just laugh about their differences and enjoy mealtimes with my children, but not so long ago, every meal would leave me feeling like a failure and close to tears. It wasn't that the twins weren't eating, it was just that they weren't doing it the way I thought they should be - in quantity, quality, variety, balance - you name it, I used to fret about it. And in doing so, I managed to turn what should be a sociable, pleasurable activity into a thrice-daily nightmare!
It took me a while to realise the problem wasn't with them, it was with me. I had to chill out and go with the flow. They clearly weren't starving. Also, when I took the trouble to note exactly what they'd eaten over the course of a day, I realised with a bit of cheese here, a slice of banana there, and the box of raisins split everywhere, they were actually getting all the nutrients they needed.
Dr Christopher Green, author of Toddler Taming Tips (Vermilion, £5.99) suggests putting yourself in your child's place. ‘Imagine that it's a very special occasion and you are booked to eat at the best restaurant,' says Dr Green. ‘Out comes the food. Your mouth is watering at the very smell. ‘Then up marches the head waiter, who looks you in the eye and with a stern voice says: "Just one thing, madam. You will not be leaving the table until you've eaten every bite. What's more, there will be no dessert until your plate is completely clear." Would it not make you choke?'
In other words, it's time to get off your child's back and stop fighting over food.
Another top tip that a wise woman (yes, you Mum) once told me is don't spend hours slavishly concocting elaborate meals, only to have your little tyke turn up her nose and declare ‘don't like it, mummy' before a spoonful has even passed her lips. It's a waste of time and energy and is bound to make you feel grumpy. Prepare simple, fresh food. It doesn't take much time to pan fry a piece of salmon and boil up some spuds, but preparing fancy fishcakes from scratch does, as I've discovered to my cost.
Stefan Gates, food writer and presenter on BBC's Full On Food, is dad to 2-year-old Daisy and 6-month-old Poppy. Despite being a gourmet himself, he instinctively took a relaxed approach to his eldest daughter's diet, which has since paid dividends. ‘I'm the cook in our house and I like nothing better than spending an afternoon making a delicious meal, but Daisy was such a picky eater, I just knew there was no point going overboard with her,' he says. ‘More often than not, we would just give her a jar. She was more than welcome to taste whatever we were eating, and as she's got older, she's become more and more experimental. One of her favourite things now is spicy salami!'
However, while such a relaxed approach is probably to be applauded during those first few food-splattered years, there does come a point - which I know I'm rapidly approaching with Natasha - when a little bit of firmness at mealtimes will be required. After all, how else is your little one supposed to learn table manners unless you take the time to teach them?
Indeed, news reports reveal how children are turning up for their first day at school unable to use a knife and fork properly. One primary school head even admitted to taking on additional staff at her school in order to teach pupils to basic table manners. She was quoted as blaming ‘fast food and dinner snatched in front of the TV' for the UK's children only being able to use their fingers.
As Dr Green quite rightly says: ‘We should set a good example, and where better to begin than toddlerhood, where we have control over their diet. After all, we're the ones that buy the stuff.' But as he wisely cautions: ‘Remember, food is not just for nourishment, food is for fun.'
