One minute you're nurturing a tiny baby, then suddenly you're dealing with a toddler who needs to start learning how and (more importantly) how not to behave. Toddler and discipline? The two words just don't go together, do they?
Getting your toddler to behave has nothing to do with punishment. Child clinical psychologist Dr Angharad Rudkin says, ‘Discipline is about teaching children what is acceptable behaviour and what isn't.
One-year-olds
‘You must tailor that to their level of understanding. There's no point putting a one-year-old on the "naughty step". They won't have a clue what you're doing and will just wander off.'
So how should you deal with a one-year-old who bites you? Dr Rudkin says, ‘Simply ignoring her when she bites or hits you is a powerful way of teaching a young toddler what is and isn't acceptable.
‘You are the centre of her world and all she wants is your love and approval. Even at that age, she's quick to make a connection between what she's just done and you not making a fuss of her.'
Two-year-olds
By the age of two, toddlers will understand what you're telling them much more and be able to express themselves better. ‘So you can say to her, "I'm telling you not to jump off the sofa so you don't hurt yourself,"' says Dr Rudkin. ‘But she is hitting the "terrible twos", so remember it's an important part of her development to push boundaries.'
The terrible twos seems to cause a lightbulb to go on above a toddler's head and she realises, ‘Hey, I don't actually have to do anything Mummy tells me.' She's now aware she's a separate person with her own agenda. Great for her development, but not so great for your stress levels!
Now's the time to find out how to control your toddler. Yep, you've guessed it - cue the naughty step. ‘By two, you can start using the naughty step for two minutes - a minute for each year of her age,' says Dr Rudkin. ‘But you will have to sit beside her.'
The tactic works well for Linda Baseley, 38, from Bracknell, Berkshire, with her daughter Millie, 2½. ‘I tell her, "Mummy's putting you on the naughty step because you pulled everything out of the cupboard when I'd asked you not to." She sits there and says "I'm sorry, Mummy," without me having to ask her.
‘I've been doing it for a few months and it works well. I used to have to sit next to her but now she will usually stay there by herself. It's funny when she orders her brother Jamie, who's 7, on to the naughty step!'
Three-year-olds
By the grand old age of 3, your toddler will have it sussed. ‘Now she's got a clear idea of how her family works and her place in it,' says Dr Rudkin. ‘She understands what makes Mummy cross and what makes Daddy cross.
‘Give her simple clear choices like, "Pick up your toys and we can go to the park" versus "If you don't pick up your toys, we can't go to the park.'" But always try to go for the positive spin. It also boosts her confidence as she's making decisions.'
Remember that sometimes when you may think your toddler is being ‘naughty', she isn't at all. Messing about with her food, for instance, is part of learning to feed herself. But when you've had enough, it can sometimes seem she's doing it to spite you. But she's not, she's just being a toddler.
Pick your battles, too. Rather than spending all day every day saying 'No' and 'Don't do that', choose a few golden rules like not allowing your child to do anything that could be harmful, not hurting other people and learning to say please and thank you. Let the little stuff go for a while.
Don't forget to enjoy your toddler. It sounds obvious, but how often have you got through a day navigating tantrums, mealtimes, clearing up a trail of havoc, only to realise you didn't have much fun together. Those sort of days can feel like an endurance test and you're hanging out for their bedtime. It's a cliché, but those precious early years really do go so fast and having fun is what a toddler does best - so join in!
Most importantly, you've got to be a good role model. ‘Lead by example,' says Dr Rudkin. ‘If you tell your toddler not to hit other people, you can't then smack her. Make sure you give her plenty of praise and rewards for behaving well. Disciplining works best in the framework of a loving, nurturing family so she feels safe.'
Read our top 10 ideas to help your toddler behave.
