Jacqueline tells her birth story: ('with thanks to Dawn who made it all possible…) My husband, Simon and I had been trying for a baby for many years, and after several operations and IVFs, including using donor eggs, I was told that, due to my adenomyosis (endometriosis of the lining of the womb) that it would be a miracle if an embryo could implant into my uterus, let alone develop properly to term.
Our only chance to have a baby was to find a surroangel to carry him or her for us. We were overjoyed when a friend, Dawn, offered to help us and we were so lucky that the inseminations worked first time - we were pregnant at last!
The pregnancy was uneventful (except that poor Dawn had terrible sickness for the first 20 weeks), and the baby was due on Christmas Day!
I had been using a breast pump to induce lactation so that I could try to breastfeed our baby, and had been getting up in the night for a month or so.
I usually woke between 4 and 5am, but for some reason on the morning of 4th December I did not wake up until 5.30am. I had just got everything set up and pumping when the phone rang. We knew it had to be Dawn as nobody else would be calling us at 10 to six! She said her waters had broken and she was getting regular contractions.
Since her previous labours had been short, we wanted to get to Wales asap! We had packed our “hospital bags” a few weeks before and quickly put all our stuff in the car, meanwhile trying to get our dog to go out for a pee and letting the chickens out.
We set off along the motorway – it was early rush hour by then but luckily we only caught one short, crawling section. We arrived at the hospital in Wales at 7.45am and went straight up to the delivery suite.
Dawn was sitting on the bed looking very calm (whilst we felt hot and flustered). Luckily the staff were happy for both Simon and I, and Dawn’s partner to stay with Dawn in the room. She was having contractions every 2 to 5 minutes but had been examined just before we arrived and had been told she was only 2-3cm dilated.
The midwife told her (several times over the morning) that she was not yet in labour – but from the pained expression on her face when the contractions came, she looked like she was to us!
Dawn wanted to have an epidural but the staff said that could only be given when she was at least 4cm dilated, so we all sat and talked a little, looked around the room a lot, peered in a few cupboards and laughed at the poster on the wall showing various positions that could be adopted during labour (as long as the birth partner didn’t mind getting a bad back!).
We took turns to go and get tea and coffee (not Dawn, of course, poor lass just kept trotting off to the loo). The hours passed, Dawn was still not “in labour”. Dawn is such a quiet and dignified person that we felt the midwife was not taking the pain of her contractions seriously – we suggested some shouting and screaming might help, but Dawn remained a model patient.
However, seeing the pain she had to go through because of us made me feel really guilty and I was willing some of it to pass to me instead. The baby’s heartbeat was fine so it was just a question of waiting.
Eventually, in the early afternoon I think (time had taken on a strange quality of going very slowly, yet the hours had flown by) the anaesthetist arrived to discuss the epidural. Soon after, a doctor arrived, who watched Dawn as she had a contraction – she said straight away that the epidural could be given immediately.
Simon and I left the room whilst she was examined again (now 7-8cm dilated!) and the epidural set up. Unfortunately it took quite a while to take effect and then when it did, it was only working down one side. Shifting herself over onto her left side did the trick and finally, after so many hours of pain, the worst of the feelings were gone (as was the ability to move her legs much).
Baby’s heartbeat had been monitored throughout and was by now dipping quite a bit during contractions, although it was coming back up rapidly, so the midwife said it was
OK. Around 6.30pm a second midwife was introduced to us – things must be really going to happen soon, I thought to myself. Then Dawn was ready to push, and suddenly the room was full of people, including an obstetrician and a paediatrician and more nurses/midwives.
The doctor was trying to feel our baby’s head and then said if he didn’t arrive within 10 minutes she would have to use the Ventouse to help pull him out.
But Dawn pushed so well that after the next set of contractions I could see the top of the head – it was an amazing moment, here was our baby at last, we were so close to meeting him.
Another push and the head was out – the doc quickly unwound the cord from around the neck (twice!) and then with the next push the shoulders slithered into view, all covered in white grease.
Timothy then came out with a rush and the doc tried to put him onto Dawn’s tummy. Dawn was shouting, “no, give him to his mum, to Jaq” and I was standing there, touching him through the crowd of medical staff. I looked over at Simon through teary eyes to see his teary eyes looking back at me and then at Timothy.
Someone was holding him upright and he was definitely a boy! The doctor clamped and cut the cord. Our so much wanted baby was here at last. It was the most emotional moment of our lives.
Timothy was whisked away to be checked and wiped clean and then handed to us, I held him against my chest, skin-to-skin as Simon hugged us both – wonderful! But also a little scary – he was so precious, I didn’t want to hold him wrongly or too tightly.
His face was very congested from the delivery but he looked so perfect to us. We spent the next hour just looking at him and cuddling him and then I was shown how to put him to the breast – he sucked away, magical!
Dawn had delivered the placenta by this time, and although our minds were on someone else(!) we did hear that the cord had a true knot in it (hence why his heart rate was dipping so much as he passed down through the birth canal, each push was tightening the knot – it was such an awful thought that if the cord had been a bit shorter he might not have made it).
There was also something quite unusual with the placenta as the doctor requested some photos be taken of it for her teaching classes! Lots of pictures of Timothy were taken, thanks given and tears of happiness shed.
At around 10pm we were all moved off to the post-natal ward. We were lucky to be given a two-bedded room to share. Simon and C left. We had a lovely midwife who looked after us well and ensured Timothy was feeding.
I didn’t really sleep, as I didn’t want Timmy to make a sound and disturb Dawn, though he did throw up lots of fluid in the early hours which alarmed me at the time (mucus pouring down his nose and sick all over the bed – turns out he was just practising for the next few weeks!).
The following day, Simon and C came back in, Timothy was checked over by the doctors (all reported to be fine) and we waited to hear when we could go home.
Nothing had been said by tea-time so in the evening Dawn’s family visited. They presented us with a box– not only had Dawn given us the most special present ever, but they also gave us a lovely swing for our little boy, they are just so generous.
On Wednesday morning Timothy had his hearing test (both ears were fine, as we had guessed by the way he startled at any noise) and Dawn and Simon registered the birth.
We should then have been allowed to leave, but the hospital seemed to have to make so many phone calls, including to social services (who didn’t know what they were supposed to do, and didn’t get around to sending the required reply all afternoon) and to our local hospital/midwives (both in the morning and then all over again after lunch when the new shift came on!).
Eventually, after a few comments from us about leaving anyway, they gave us a handful of forms and letters, we dressed Timothy in his (slightly too large) snowsuit, strapped him into his car seat and we all left together.
We again thanked Dawn and C (though words could in no way express our gratitude for what they had done for us) and hugged each other before heading home as a new little family.'
Timothy was born on 4th December 2006 at 7.06pm, weighing 8lb 1oz.
Jacqueline and Simon were both helped in their efforts to have a baby by the organisation COTS: Childlessness Overcome Through Surrogacy.
