No more tears (...from your baby or you!)

The routine queen

There is one dilemma all new parents face: should a baby be instantly comforted when she’s upset or left to cry for a few minutes?

Opinions are divided, even among the experts. Here’s a snapshot of their thoughts on the matter.

Gina Ford says NO

‘With the babies that fight sleep, because I know they are well fed, burped and ready to sleep, I am very strict. I let them yell for 10-12 minutes until they have settled themselves.

‘Understandably, all parents hate to hear their babies cry and many are worried that to put their baby down in a cot to sleep and leave him to cry like this could be psychologically damaging.

‘I would like to reassure you that, provided your baby has been well fed, and that you have followed the routines regarding awake periods and wind-down time, your baby will not suffer.’

• From The New Contented Little Baby Book: The Secret To Calm And Confident Parenting (£9.99, Vermillion)

 

The maternity nurse

Rachel Waddilove says NO

‘There's a lot of fear when a baby cries. Parents want to know what they should do.

‘I believe in teaching babies to settle themselves as early
as possible. This lays the foundation for a loving and secure routine.

‘My approach involves not picking her up each time she cries, which teaches her to settle herself. This can seem counter intuitive, as we have an inbuilt reaction to pick up a crying baby. As you get to know your baby,
you will learn a huge amount about the reasons she cries and how to
comfort her.'

• From The Baby Book: How To Enjoy Year One (£7.99, Lion Hudson)

 

The childcare guru

Penelope Leach says YES

‘Babies never cry for nothing. Parents are told their baby is crying "because she wants to be picked up". This implies that she's being unreasonable and if you "give in" you'll start "bad habits".

‘In fact, the reverse is true. The baby is not making unreasonable demands; in fact, if anyone is, you are. She is not crying to make you pick her up but because you put her down in the first place and deprived her of contact comfort. It is natural and instinctive for a small baby to be most easily content when she is being held by somebody.'

• From Your Baby & Child (£18.99, Dorling Kindersley)

 

The TV baby doctor

Miriam Stoppard says YES

‘A baby should never be left to cry. It may make her feel tired, and she'll be irritable and hard to soothe.

‘More importantly, she'll learn that pleas for attention go unheeded, and that there's no loving response when she needs it. If she's denied friendship in those early weeks, she may grow up introverted and shy. Don't give your child such an unfair start in life.

‘I don't believe that too much nursing will spoil a child. A child under 1 cannot be "spoiled" enough, if picking up, loving and cuddling mean spoiling.'

• From New Babycare Book: A Practical Guide To The First Three Years (£10.99, Dorling Kindersley)

 

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