THE PROBLEM: Naomi, aged 3, doesn't like going to sleep and often wakes throughout the night.
HER MUM SALLYANNE SAYS: Naomi was never the greatest sleeper but things got worse when she reached 18 months and moved from her cot into the bottom bunk of her sister's bed.
She began demanding that I put her to bed and lay with her until she fell asleep, even though my husband Chris continually tried to be involved in her bedtime routine.
She also began to wander into our bed during the night; the only way anyone could get any sleep was to let Naomi sleep in our bed while Chris or I moved into her bed. She also began specifying who she wanted to stay in the bed with her.
Her sister was suffering as sometimes she was disturbed during the night by Naomi too. Finding a solution and functioning on a normal level was becoming impossible.'
GITTE SAYS: Sallyanne has allowed Naomi to become 'the boss'. It's all too easy to allow your child to form bad habits, as often you think 'I'll just let them do it once'. Then before you know it, you're pulling your hair out trying to understand why it's happening and how you can change it!
It is important that Sallyanne and Chris re-establish their positon as 'boss'. Chris has always been a hands-on dad so it was clear that Naomi's demands for Mummy were not about separation anxiety but simply wanting control.
Whoever deals with Naomi - whether at bedtime or during the night - must follow through until they achieve their ultimate goal for Naomi to sleep - and stay asleep - in her own bed.
If a child is sleep deprived then they can have problems actually staying asleep.
Naomi is getting considerably less than the 12 hours sleep she needs to function properly. Naomi has a tendency to drop off in the late afternoon - although she isn't put down for a nap. This means she has a later bedtime because she has recharged her batteries and is ready to play. Consequently, Sallyanne often has to wake Naomi in the morning.
Sallyanne should set a cut-off time for Naomi's nap of 3.30pm - if Naomi is not asleep by this time, she should not sleep until bedtime. Naomi needs to be put to bed awake, but not completely exhausted and falling asleep before her head hits the pillow.
Most parents are unaware how much attention they give a child who wakes in the night. It's easy to chat, for example, telling her that the sun isn't up yet, the animals are still sleep or that grandma and grandad are still in their bed.
This chat, plus cuddles and kisses, gives your child a reason for waking in the night.
Before leaving your child's room at bedtime, always use the same 'last phrase' to indicate it is time to go to sleep. Something like 'snuggle down', 'sleep time' or 'shh now'.
During the night when Naomi wakes, this 'last phrase' and only this phrase should be said, with no other interaction or communication. This gives a clear message that from the moment Naomi gets into her bed it is time for sleep. Chatter, kisses and cuddles need to wait for morning.
Sallyanne has to both assert her authority and remove all the reasons Naomi has for waking in the night - mainly attention from Mummy and Daddy.
Whoever puts Naomi to bed should not lie in bed with her but sit on a chair close by. During the night, when Naomi wanders into their room, Sallyanne or Chris need to lead her by the hand back to her bed and sit on the chair with arms folded, not looking at Naomi or interacting with her in any way.
By gradually moving the chair further away from Naomi's bed she will get used to going to sleep by herself.
It will take time to get her sleep pattern back on track, but by being consistent, Mummy and Daddy will make Naomi realise that they really mean business.
