We’ve started quarrelling

Therapist Lesley replies: It's upsetting to find yourselves tetchy when you feel as though you should be full of joy. But getting married, setting up home and starting a family are huge life changes that put a strain on all couples, partly because of the uncertainty about what lies ahead, but partly because it can be difficult separating emotionally from your own parents. Even if you left home years ago, marriage and pregnancy may make you and your partner feel you're finally leaving your mum and dad behind. Your parents may be pleased for you, but you can still feel guilty, as if you're betraying them, especially if one of your parents lives alone or is unhappy.

Next time the tension builds, stop and ask yourselves whether there is some underlying sense of guilt. Sometimes when we feel we don't deserve happiness we can sabotage things without even realising it. Sharing memories and thoughts about life and mealtimes in the homes you grew up in may help you and your husband understand each other better.

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