THE PROBLEM: Matthew, aged 2 and a half, hits everyone and everything.
HIS MUM VANESSA SAYS: When Matthew started hitting as he reached the age of 2, I ignored it. Now the problem has grown quite serious. He hits me, my husband Gary, other children, he even smacks the air and objects around him.
We've tried being calm, talking to him, ignoring him, shouting, using the naughty corner, even smacking his hands to show him what it's like. Nothing works.
Now I'm concerned Matthew might hurt his 8-week-old baby brother. Nursery staff say Matthew is angelic and never hits other children.
WONDERNANNY GITTE SAYS: Children often begin hitting out through frustration. But it is important to teach your toddler that smacking and hitting will not be tolerated. Smacking your child back is not the answer.
Matthew has learned that, through his behaviour, he eventually gets what he wants, even if this is simply lots of attention from mummy and daddy.
Vanessa and Gary need to adopt one method and stick to it when Matthew hits out.
I suggest the 'time out' method. Every time Matthew lashes out he should be taken to a 'time out' area for two minutes - one minute for each year of his life.
Vanessa needs to be in charge of ending 'time out' - not Matthew. Allowing him to remove himself from the time out corner gives him control of the situation. 'Time out' must end when she says so - even if Matthew apologises before the two minutes is up.
If Matthew starts lashing out on his way to the 'time out' corner, Vanessa must ignore him, and also ignore him while he is there. Remain close, however - it's not good to leave a child under 3 alone during a 'time out' session. Vanessa must ignore all forms of protest unless she fears Matthew will hurt himself or cause damage.
Vanessa says Matthew often hits out after being asked a question, for example, 'What would you like to do now?' By not adding any restrictions, such a question is difficult for a toddler. A toddler has a million choices he can make - from going to visit Grandma, to reading a book or drinking some milk. Each time Matthew can't do what he wants, it leads to frustration and hitting.
When asking a question, it is better to give your toddler a choice of two options, such as playing in the garden or reading a book. This makes it easier for him to make a decision, and Vanessa can be happy whatever he decides.
Gary and Vanessa must show a united front on discipline. If either parent disagrres with how a situation is being handled, do not step in, but discuss it calmly when Matthew is not around. Working together quickly shows a child that he can't play one parent off against the other.
