THE PROBLEM: Harry will push and shove other children.
MUM KATE SAYS: A few months ago Harry, aged 18 months, started pushing other children and when he's at home or excited he will bite or pinch me or Will, his dad.
We tell Harry 'no!' and have a sort of time out in the hall, but I'm not convinced it's working.
Nowe I have noticed other children steering clear of him and I worry in social situations even before he starts shoving, so I whip him away just in case.
WONDERNANNY GITTE SAYS: Children express themselves in different ways, and Harry may not be intentionally trying to upset or hurt other children. He may be trying to protect his personal space or feel frustrated that he cannot communicate his needs clearly.
Kate is so keen to prevent harry from 'attacking' other children that she often overreacts, removing Harry and punishing him for something even before he has done it.
Hovering over him in this way makes Kate anxious and also means Harry senses her anxiety. This adds to the tension. Kate should still keep an eye on him, but take a step back. She needs to alter the way she reacts.
As soon as she sees a potential problem, Kate should use positive redirectiion instead of whipping Harry away. Focus his attention positively on something fun - introduce a new toy, for example. This will focus Harry's mind elsewhere without having to physically move him away.
When Harry upsets another child or bites, she should adopt a different method of time out. Harry is too young to understand the consequences of his actions, so putting him in the hall will not work.
If he acts up, Kate should say, very firmly, 'We do not push anyone' and hold Harry on her lap for about a minute, without interacting with him. After a minute, she should repeat 'We do not push anyone' and take Harry to say sorry to the person in question.
He probably won't say sorry, but Kate needs to show the importance of being gentle by stroking the child's arm and saying to him 'That's nice, we're being gentle'.
Then Harry needs to know everything is OK with a reassuring kiss and cuddle from Mummy.
