THE PROBLEM: Elliot, aged three, has not settled into nursery.
HIS MUM JANE SAYS: Elliot was always a happy, confident toddler, content playing with or without me and made friends easily. I wasn't worried about his first day at nursery as he was following in the footsteps of his older brother who had been very happy there.
But during his first session, I received a phone call asking me to collect Elliot as he had become extremely distressed. The situation has now worsened and Elliot won't let me out of his sight. He has begun wetting the bed and no longer wants to play with his friends. My husband has taken over the nursery run thinking maybe it was my presence that was the problem, but nothing seems to be working.
It is stressful and upsetting to see how unhappy Elliot has become.
GITTE SAYS: It's natural to assume that because an older sibling was happy in a particular nursery, your toddler will be too - but it doesn't always follow. Each child's needs are individual and a nursery's set-up can change over time.
In the majority of cases, most children will settle in at nursery with support and encouragement. However, there are occasions where it is important to listen not only to the little voice in your head, but also to the voice of your toddler.
After talking everything through with Jane, it became clear that, given Elliot's distress, in this instance it would be better to take him out of nursery.
Often, when you make a conclusive decision, you can then begin to find a solution that you were unable to see before. Making the decision to swap nurseries gives Jane a chance to tackle Elliot's insecurity problems and bedwetting, and begin to investigate other possible nurseries nearby.
She needs to work out what what kind of nursery she wants for Elliot, talk to the manager, staff and other parents there, and also visit on her own and with Elliot to make sure he is happy with it.
Jane also needs to start work on Elliot's confidence issues and allay his fears of being left alone. She must keep him informed of where she is, what she is doing and when she will be back every time she leaves the room. He will then start to realise that he has not lost her and that she will return.
A sticker chart can help overcome the bedwetting problem, with a sticker every morning he wakes up dry and a small treat when he reaches his target.
