THE PROBLEM: Caitlin, aged three, doesn't want to talk or play with other children.
HER MUM MARIE SAYS: Caitlin is a beautiful little girl who doesn't have many tantrums, likes to helps me around the house and is very loving towards her little sister. I know I'm very lucky to have such a placid daughter but I've become worried because Caitlin is so shy.
Staff at Caitlin's playgroup have expressed concerns taht she doesn't join in with activities and isn't making friends. She won't say hello to anyone we meet in the street, even if she knows them. I'm not shy but Caitlin's dad is and I thought maybe that's the reason why caitlin is so timid.
I'm worried she will get left behind, especially when she starts school. I don't know how to bring her out of her shell.
GITTE SAYS: We are not all born confident and gregarious. Children will often mimic their parents so if her dad is quiet and softly spoken, then Caitlin may be mimicking his behaviour.
If a child does show signs of shyness, it is important to encourage and support them and not to push them into situations that make them feel uncomfortable.
It is important that Marie does not apologise for Caitlin's shyness and does not talk negatively about it in front of her.
Marie should introduce games using dolls and teddies where the toys talk to one another. She should encourage Caitlin to use different voices for each character and thereby encourage conversations. Caitlin needs to learn to enjoy hearing her own voice and respond to questions asked.
Another game to encourage Caitlin to speak up is to suggest she counts or says colours starting in a whisper and gradually getting louder and louder. Show Caitlin how her voice sounds different in the house, the park, or walking through a tunnel.
Play an animal noises game when out and about - roaring like a tiger or growling like a bear. This will show Caitlin it's OK and fun to look silly and make a noise - and if they're lucky, other children may join in too.
Often, shy children are lacking self-confidence and feel that what they have to say is not important or that no one will listen.
Marie must pay particular attention to Caitlin when she asks a question. Whatever she is doing, she should stop and really look at Caitlin while she is talking. Show interst and appreciatiion when she takes part in a conversation and praise her whenever she speaks nicely and clearly.
A smile can sometimes express more than words. When Marie and caitlin meet someone they know in the street, marie should introduce the person and rather than telling Caitlin to say hello, start with a simple smile.
Bring Caitlin into the conversation by saying something specific that relates to Caitlin: talk about her being helpful at home or mention a special pictrue she has made at playgroup.
If necessary, pick her up so she is on the same level as the adults in the conversation rather than feeling intimidated with them towering above her.
