THE PROBLEM: Jasper, aged 2, smiles like an angel but he is very naughty.
HIS MUM CHARLOTTE SAYS: Jasper has always been a very exuberant child. He never has a tantrum, and only cries if he hurts himself. He doesn't seem to care when he's told off and I'm getting to the stage where I fear going out with him alone as I can't control him.
If we are out, he'll try to run off - he undoes the straps of his buggy and runs away, laughing at me. Recently while I'm telling him off, he's started telling ME off for shouting at him!
Nothing I seem to do makes any difference, and he knows which buttons to push to make me upset or angry. I'm finding it impossible, especially now I have his four-month-old sister to care for as well.
GITTE SAYS: Jasper is learning to test the boundaries and through exploring, is discovering the world around him. Charlotte has become so exhausted by the constant battles that she has lost sight of the fact that Jasper is only doing what comes naturally to a two-year-old.
Constantly telling him 'no!' and chasing after him only makes the problem worse. Jasper has become desensitised to hearing his name followed by 'no' all the time and used to being the centre of attention when he misbehaves.
Charlotte is softly spoken, so needs to learn to differentiate between her happy voice and her firm voice.
When being firm, her face should be set, eyes level with Jasper's, voice low and in control. Firm does not mean raising your voice, but it does mean being in control.
When being happy, her face should be relaxed, eyes soft, mouth smiling and voice much higher in tone.
Rather than always saying 'no' to Jasper, allow him to explore a bit, with guidance. For instance, when he grabs something valuable or breakable, don't ban him from holding it, but teach him to use both hands when carrying it under supervision.
Keeping Jasper at home will make his behaviour worsen as he becomes bored. It's important to get outside every day, both to stimulate Jasper and help him burn off energy. Try an organised toddler activity group such as story or music sessions once or twice a week.
Involve him in structured play activities at home too, and let him help with household chores.
Jasper's running off is a cause for concern. Use the ATA approach (ASK, TELL, ACT) to control it. Before they go out, Charlotte needs to explain to Jasper in simple terms the type of behaviour she expects while they are out.
She must ASK him not to run off. If he tries to run off, she must TELL him he will have to hold her hand for the rest of the trip if he tries to run away again. If again he doesn't listen, she must ACT and hold him firmly by the hand for the rest of the walk and not let go, no matter how difficult the situation becomes.
It is the perfect time to use that firm voice and ignore Jasper if he becomes stroppy.
This sends a powerful message that Mummy is in charge, not Jasper.
