Sun 22 Nov 2009 | You are here: Home > Ask baby expert > Relationship Qs > He idealises her
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The material contained on these pages is in no way intended to replace professional medical care or advice and should not be used as a basis for diagnosis or choice of treatment. Answers to specific problems may not apply to everyone. If you're worried, see your GP.
  • He idealises her

  • Q Our 2½-year-old little girl seems quite bright, but my husband has decided she’s a genius. I cringe when I hear him showing off about her and I dislike the way he pushes her. How can I tone his enthusiasm down?

Therapist Lesley replies: You're right to have concerns. While idealising your daughter might seem better and more positive than putting her down, it can lead to self-image problems later in life.
Children grow up to be confident when they learn to face their own intelligence and attributes in a realistic way. What's important is that they feel loved and accepted for who they are. If your daughter feels her dad's love is conditional on her intelligence, she may find it hard to be herself in the future. Each time she looks in the mirror, she won't see herself but the girl her dad wants her to be.
Tell your husband his overt praise could spoil her natural curiosity and possibly put her off learning altogether. At this stage, your daughter wants to do things on her own terms. By all means follow her lead and teach her as much as she invites, but don't interrupt her because this implies that what you've got to show her is more important than what she's already doing.

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